Overcoming a fear or obsession with death.?

Question

I have post traumatic stress disorder from something that happened to me when I was around 12, someone I was really close to an aunt of mine was murdered. When I was younger I had to visit nursing homes with my grandparents and go to funerals. I have an extreme fear of dying. It's in my thoughts, my dreams and my nightmares, I'm obsessed and everywhere I go, I can't stop thinking about it. I avoid going to funerals now, and I cry a lot when I think about death or when some one dies, even if I'm not attached to that person. My question is how do I get over something like this? It affects me so much in my daily life when most normal people don't think about it from day to day. How do you overcome something inevitable. The trauma has really kind of ruined my life. When she was murdered it took away everything. This happened when I was 12 and I can't even bring myself to visit her grave, when I do I fall down on my knees and cry my eyes out. I can't get over it, I don't think I ever will. The grief still feels fresh as if it were yesturday. My whole life was changed because of this, my family has never been the same. It really messed me up. So how can I overcome this, how can I get these things out of my head and stop obsessing?

Answer 1

Visit her grave.

Make sure you accept death and eventually I will die too and so will you, (Not very soon I hope).

Every once in a while just take flowers to your relatives graves.

This has always helped me when I was feeling a tad grim.

I hope you feel better soon.

Answer 2

it seems to me that you have a psychological trauma and basing on what you said i think that you have already developed a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. this disorder damage may involve physical changes inside the brain and to brain chemistry, which affect the person's ability to cope with stress. i think you must go to a doctor specialized in psychological disorders to treat you and the treatment is long term and supervised. you can't do this by you own, trying to overcome this may just lead you to anxiety. go and see a specialist as soon as possible because this will certainly affect you for the entire of your life if not solved and the effects are unthinkable. giving you coping strategies will not work and might just lead to anxiety because these strategies only helpful with early traumas. you must consult a doctor. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or high degree of psychological trauma requires long term treatment and expert obervations and medicine may also be required. this disorder has a high chance to give you anxiety.

see a doctor!

Answer 3

Well I'm really sorry to hear about what happend to ur aunt recently my uncle died he died a day after my sis birthday on aug 13 was 4 yrs that he died it was really sad because I had just finished seeing him the day before now I try not to think about it as much because it really all in your head try to block it out you have to cope with your aunts death just think that she is watching you from where ever she is and she wouldn't want you to be miserable thinking about when your death or another family members will be good luck and I hope this helped  

Answer 4

You got a doulbe dose.  The murder of you aunt and grandparents that made you go to funerals of people from nursing homes.  Now at 26 all of this still fills your thoughts.

Bob Dylan wrote in a song,

"he that is not busy being born is busy dying"

My experience in with death includes Mother from cancer when I was 14, a son who was "accidentally shot" at a friends house at 15 years old, and a good friend who was like a sister who died of a brain anyuism at 53.  There have been others that that died of old age.  Kids from sports programs that died from drugs or accidents.  A chiropractor friend from suicide just six weeks ago.

The toughest is the my son.  That left a painful void, and even though it was 15 years ago, the mentally emotional pain is still fresh.  At his funeral our pastor said these words, "if he could be back with us for just five minutes, he wouldn't listen to us crying and telling him how much we missed him and all of that for one second.  Instead, he would

tell us to live to live our lives in such a way, that when our day of judgement comes, when we stand before almighty God, he will say to us well done, welcome into the Kingdom".......I think you dear aunt would say something similar to you........

the other thing.......when I'm alone I start to think about him in my head, .. this always comes to me,  it's my son saying, "it's alright Pop, I.m ok"........so I get the thought that he is only a dimension away.......does it still hurt, yes.......do I still cry yes, do I get the the feeling of crushing emptiness and helplessness, yes......is it all the time.....NO........will I ever forget him....NO.........the pain is under the surface of my mind and heart.

Anyway, for you young lady, 14 years of this is too long........you are going to live a long life......surely there is more than what you wrote.....go see someone professional.......there is no shame.......you will carry her memory and love around in your heart for as long as you live........you are dwelling on the negative aspects of her life.......

             she would want you to dwell on the positive.

Answer 5

I don't want you to think this is just some dry old "it's easy if you want to really do it" reply, for it's not.

In my younger years, I thought of death, specifically my own, a lot. Maybe not as obsessively as you, but sooner or later mortality weight on our minds. It's hard to think that in our prime of life, death is but a heart beat away.

I too atteneded funerals before I really understood what death was about. When my grandma died in 1968, I specifically remember thinking "why is everyone crying? Why do I feel sad? I was actually feeding from their emotions and didn't understand why. That was the first death I remembered.

Since then, I have buried friends my age, family, and acquaintances. I personally have accepted death as part of life. Who's to say death is a bad thing. WE don't know and aren't in a hurry to find out. I sometimes think that I am getting so tired and sick of living sometimes that death would be welcomed. But then comes another day.

In some ways, you have already died because of this fear. You can't enjoy life because it constantly preys on you. You are already in a tomb! The grief is there because you won't or can't let it go.

Typically if we face our fears it sets us free. Go visit your aunt. Talk to her. Maybe she can hear from afar, I don't know. Funerals and graves are for the living. The dead know not. The service and markers are there for us to remember them by and "celebrate" their life.

Think about this: I am going to write the dates of a death like they may appear on a head stone. 1959-2035.  It's the little "-" that matters most. 1959 I came into this world. 2035 I left. It's what I did while I were here(-) that matters.

Go get counseling. Go visit your aunt. Don't be afraid to live. We each hold our own key to "liberty";sometimes we don't know it.

Good luck. Bless you.