Overly dependent behaviour?

Question

I adopted my cat, Nero, from a pound. He was abandoned by his original owners and had gotten hit by a car. He's a people cat, and he's very sensitive to who is around him. He's afraid of other cats. So the experience was clearly traumatizing.

He has been doing great here. Only it seems that the longer he and I are buddies, he more over dependent he gets. He has everything he could wish for to entertain himself... but as soon as I go shower, he will sit by the bathroom door and scream as if he is dying. As soon as I go get groceries and come back, he acts like I saved him from a tank of sharks after hours of swimming. He's a big old drama queen, but he's a very gentle and sweet cat so I can't really hold it against him.

I am home a lot because I am a student with mild word blindness so I sit home and read for long periods of time. He is very used to having me around. But lately he's just been making big dramas out of single hours alone... and I don't know how to deal with it. I think it's sweet that he misses me (means he has found his home after all that he's been through), but I know it's not healthy.

Any tips as to how to deal with this? People have suggested to get a second cat... but not only is Nero afraid of other cats, I also have roommates who don't want more than one cat in the house. So there needs to be another way to deal with this.

Answer 1

I am so sorry to hear about your issue... Poor Nero! He is demonstrating classic symptoms of separation anxiety. This is very common in rescue animals. Basically, he is terrified of being abandoned again.. hence, he's developing an over-reliance on you. (It is great to feel so LOVED... but can be sooooo heartbreaking when you do have to go out - guilt etc!!) Trust me... I know that feeling! I have the same problem with my little dog (Baxter)... we are working hard, and are slowly making progress.

There is lots of literature and stuff on the net that you should find helpful, but what it all comes down to is to take little steps toward increasing Nero's tolerance for alone time. Easy to say, harder to do... For example, when you are at home, try not to make too much of a fuss of him (ie only let him sit on your lap sometimes.. the rest of the time insist he sits on his own seat/floor/whatever). Encourage him to have outside exploring time (if possible), leave a radio or TV on when you are not home, have someone else share grooming/feeding responsibilities (again, to reduce his dependence on you). Try to slowly build up the time you are away from him (I used to gather my keys, bag etc then simply walk out the door and stand in the yard for 5 mins.. then, when he wasn't too stressed to be alone for 5 mins, I increased it to 10 ... etc - the neighbours probably thought I was a nutcase.. but it slowly increased Baxter's ability to cope with me being away from him. When you are leaving (or coming home) it is REALLY IMPORTANT to ignore Nero for 5 - 10 mins.. that is saying to him, "yeah.. I'm leaving/returning, but it isn't a big deal" .. If you fuss over him as he is desperately trying to get your attention, you are unintentionally reinforcing to him that it IS a big deal when you leave him.

If nothing else works, you can get drugs from the vet's (synthetic hormones to calm kitty).. but with patience, love and hard work I think you can improve things without resorting to drugs (or additional cats in the house). More reading re cat sep anx available at http://www.buzzle.com/articles/separatio...

Answer 2

Cats are solitary creatures. You do not need another cat, and with his issues he would feel very threatened by another cat. They know when we save them. He loves you. The bathroom thing may be his curiosity. They also love running water. I have found that sometimes they like a non-threatening, very soft stuffed animal, or a blankie. They are like toddlers in their thinking. If you can find something like this to be a security blanket for him when you are gone, it will help. A piece of your clothing with your scent on it- like an old tshirt that he can have near him when you are gone will also help. Say goodbye when you leave, and greet him when you return, so he  understands that you don't just "disappear" unexpectedly. Reassure him that you will be back and give him his toy/blankie/youshirt. As long as he is not severely distraught he will relax in time. If it is more than just dependency and an actual anxiety problem he may need some homeopathic drops or something to calm him- Rescue remedy is what I have used. Or you could ask your vet. Remembering that he thinks like a toddler should help you with dealing with this.