PAP's / AP's what would your reaction be if?

Question

your child grows up to feel SUPER angry and very vocal about their adoption losses? keep in mind, many of us angrates had a good adoption! we're still angry, though! most of us started out as happy little adoptees.

Answer 1

As with all things, if my chldren grow up with feelings of super anger, then they are entitled to their feelings.

h**l, I am super angry with my alcoholic parents, I have that right as a child.  

I just hope as a parent I can be supportive of getting my children supports as they need it.

Answer 2

I would listen, be supportive and if necessary, help them investigate the need for professional intervention to work through that anger and not let it dominate their lives.  It's okay to be angry about life altering things that are outside your control, but when that anger becomes crippling, it's time to get some help and take your life back.

Answer 3

I would provide my child with whatever support she needed anytime she needed it.



I'd be curious to know how many of the many adoptees you speak of  were raised in an unrestricted open adoption. Until  more studies are available on that let's not assume my child will become an "angrate' (as you call it).

Answer 4

I'd like to scream at the system along with them.  I'd like to think that I can accept that their pain has nothing to do with me, as a person.  That I may be a cause of their pain, but that my actions caused a necessary pain (ever had your wisdom teeth pulled?  It may be necessary, but it ain't fun!), and that I can deal with the pain and anger that come from that, without trying to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I think in order to be truly happy, you must find your anger, pain, and fear, and express it unabashedly, fearlessly, and with SUPPORT.  It doesn't have to be targeted AT anyone in order to be valid.

Answer 5

i would love her and try to support her in anyway i could, because she is my child.

i will stand next to her and scream with her if that's what she wants.

i will comfort her when she's angry and let her know it's ok to feel that way, and help her find ways to make that anger be productive.

Answer 6

I would listen and tell them that their feelings are valid.  What ever my child needs from me, i would give it fully and freely.  If she started protesting adoption, i would be right there beside her.  They have my complete support and understanding in their individual beliefs and actions.

I am very aware that the voices i hear on this forum could be coming out of my own daughters mouths someday.  That is why i really listen and truly try to understand the Adoptees point of view here.  

I also hope that open adoption helps my daughters with their pain and loss.

Answer 7

I would understand as I would probably be angry too. I wouldn't blame them for being upset & would hope that they would be vocal about it instead of holding it all in.