PARENTING ADVICE Appropriate response and discipline for 10 yr old daughter defiant?

Question

I just found out (from the busdriver) that my 10 year old daughter and her friends (AND MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER;HER LIL SISTER WITH WHO IS 5) purposely missed bus today because they wanted to ride a different bus that their friends were on. They missed that one too and proceeded to 'Walk' 2 school which is a very busy rd/hwy to walk. They were stopped and put on another bus and my daughter then lied to her principal and told him i said she could ride another bus. I'm beyond floored, i am so distraught and shocked (she knows better, she does!!) i havent a clue what to do. I havent done anything yet but tell her to sit on her bed and wait for me, but i feel if i go in there right now (yes i have bad temper, all bad emotions turn into anger with me) i'm just going to scream or beat the h**l out of her. Her dad's on his 3rd tour to Iraq and has been gone 10months already, due to come back next week for first time since leaving and will only have 14 days and have 2 go back. PARENTING ADVICE?!?

Answer 1

Wow! my feelings are with you. All i can say is you need to be firm and lay down ground rules firmly let her know her behaviour was not acceptable and even tell her about the danger she put her and her sister in. I don't know if i wuld punish this time but i would certainly give her an idea of a really bad puinishment if anything like this ever happens again, and that lying is not acceptable in any purpose, if she thinks you're disappointed in her this will make her think much more than if you go in shouting. PS Enjoy your 2 weeks with your Hubby i think you deserve it.

Answer 2

Wait until your 100 percent calm, then go give her the spanking of her life!!! I agree she needs something to hit home. Lying, direct defiance, and her little plot would have ALL SEPARATELY EARNED A SPANKING in our home. Yes even at 10. A spanking will work until she's a teen, I recommend you do that now rather then being sorry when she's off with some guy at 14 behind your back.

Good Luck

Answer 3

You HAVE to be firm with her.  It is NOT okay for a ten year old to pull that kind of stunt.  She could have been abducted or something.  Wait until you've calmed down a bit.  Have a cup of tea, take a bath and make her sit in her room until you've cooled down.  Then have a talk with her and take away a priviledge that will REALLY affect her.  For example, maybe there's a birthday party or school field trip coming up that she is looking forward to and you might tell her she can no longer go.  Let her know that if she does this again in the future, the consequence will be even more harsh.  It must be really hard on you having your husband gone.  Just take care of yourself, try to keep your cool and you'll do fine.

Answer 4

Sit down and tell her there are consequences for her actions. Tell her that by lying she has destroyed all the trust that you had in her and now she has to prove that she can be trustworthy again.

She is not allowed to go over friends houses because you don't know if that is where she is going. She has no phone privileges, she is grounded for a certain length of time and I would get the principal to have a word with her as well and get him to give her extra homework.,

Answer 5

first, take a deep breath, now relax. Go in and explain the dangers of not riding the appropriate bus or getting on another bus without telling someone. If need be, there are many articles on the internet that can show her what can happen by doing what she did. I.e. the bus driver didn't know she was on there and left for the day, the bus driver says, routes over, you have to get off here and she doesn't know where here is, the driver could have slipped through the cracks and has a criminal history of assaulting young girls. There are so many dangers of not being on the correct bus something could have easily have happened to her.

When she did get on the bus, why didn't the driver demand a note from you or her teacher as to which bus she should be on. Our school district will not allow another child to ride a different bus (even to a friend's house) with out a written note from the parent and an oaky from the teacher. Check with your school  about this policy.

Ground her from TV/Video games etc for now.

Answer 6

give her a good spanking.

Answer 7

I'd very calmly tell her that what she did was wrong, and lying was even worse. Then I'd tell her that if you ever hear about that again, you're going to catch the bus with her, and sit next to her, until you feel you can trust her again.

That should be enough to frighten anyone!

Answer 8

Before doing anything take a deep breath,thank God neither of your kids were hurt,killed or kidnapped.You say your husband is in Iraq and has been for 10 months.Your daughter misses him and is acting out because of that.Talk to her explain to her what all could have happened.Show her the missing children website.Give her a hug and tell her you love her very much and never want either child to get hurt or kidnapped.Then ground her for a few days from something like phone,computer,friends whatever she is most into.Tell her the grounding is because you want her to learn a lesson and you love her.

Answer 9

both your kids go to the bus stop so you dont have a little one at home since 5 is your oldest....i say walk to the bus stop with her every morning for as long as you see fit...long enough to make her want to die of embarrassment because mommy cant trust her to go alone, make her think its going to be forever if you want to, she doesnt have to know how long you plan on it. tell her if  she doesnt like that,you can wear your housecoat when you do it  lol.  yelling and screaming will only make for a worse situation, kids go through alot too when dads gone, and with him being over seas its no easier on the kids then it is on you, but thats no excuse for putting themselves in danger and not doing as they are supposed to.

Answer 10

Gosh!  Ten is a hard age!   Considering she knows better  makes matters worse!   I would tell her that if she ever misses the bus (intentionally) again, she will be spanked,  grounded for 2 weeks from TV, phone, computer, etc., and you will drive her to and from   school for a week (if possible),  and no friends for a week.  I know it's a lot but right now it's a threat!  For now,  ground her from a few items and let the 5 year old off the hook:)  (Unless she played an active roll in this!)