*PLEASE HELP* Should I have a rehearsal dinner?

Question

My wedding is on November 8 and I am a traditional person when it comes to weddings. I want to partake in the festivities because I will only be getting married once. I just got off the phone with my aunt, who got married in April 2004, and she is telling me that instead of spending $1300 on my rehearsal dinner to pass out little snack bags on the wedding day. I think that that is absurd! I want to have a nice little sit down dinner pass out all the gifts and then go our separate ways until the wedding day. She makes me feel so bad though. What should I do? Do you think that $1300 for 40 people at a nice Italian restaurant is too much? Not to mention that we will have the whole restaurant to ourselves because of how many people we have, the restaurant is in the Westin Bonaventure which is where the Bridal Party will be staying that night and it's so convenient. HELP!!

Answer 1

Yes, you should have a rehearsal dinner,in your wedding and you should take all the decisions about it.

Answer 2

Do what ever you want.  In my family's case we have and have not had rehearsal dinners.  Very big family...where do you draw the line? Etiquette says all out of town guests are to be invited as well as immediate family and bridal party, in our case that is over 100 people - who is left to come to the wedding??? Some have done bridal party only which only upsets those left out, and in my case we had a destination wedding of sorts and had our rehersal one week before the actual wedding.  Had a great get-together the night before and partied the next day at the reception.  The choice is yours.

One thing I did for anyone coming in town staying at a hotel, they each got a goodie bag with bottled water, flavored soda water, snacks, chocolates and maps of where everything was being held and local things like dry cleaners or drug stores for last minute "I forgot to get a card" people.  That really helped out for a lot of our guests.  (All bought in bulk at Costco). Good luck and remember it is all about you and your man...nothing else matters.  

P.S.  If your wedding day schedule goes past normal meal times, you might have a few snacks available for the wedding party only, everyone else should be on their own.  

Answer 3

im on your side!

Answer 4

Hi, $1300 seems very reasonable for 40 guests! In the uk we don't traditionally have rehersal dinners, it's an american tradition i think. It seems a lovely way to show your more important guests how much they mean especially if you have a big wedding and will be stretched a little thin on the actual day.

It may be that your aunt couldnt afford to have this sort of thing herself and doesnt want to look cheap so is trying to badger you in to not having one either.

Either way it's your day and it seems a lovely idea to me! ( and not too expensive eaither! especially considering you'll have the entire restauarnt!)

Answer 5

You should most definitely have a rehearsal dinner! It's polite to feed those attending the rehearsal, and it's really the best time to hand out gifts, and for those to make speeches who can't during the actual weddings.

And that price is very reasonable, especially for having the whole joint to yourselves. That'll be so much fun, and NOT a waste.

The goodie bag is a cute idea if you're on a super tight budget and are having a really casual, informal wedding, but it sounds like in your situation, what you want to do is perfect.

Don't listen to your Aunt. Go with what you want and know it's more than acceptable to do so.

Answer 6

Your aunt is a bit tacky.  My rehearsal dinner was almost 2 grand for less people and it was wonderful.  I love the fact that I had a lovely rehearsal dinner and wedding- my guest raved they didn't know which was better!

I think I would FALL over a die if someone gave me a snack bag!  Everyone will be thinking there is a dinner- even if it's just pizza at your house- you have to have one.

Answer 7

I think that if that is what you want to do then do it! SNACK BAGS on the wedding day is ridiculous- NOT TRADITIONAL at all. $1300 sounds about right for 40 people to eat. I mean if you think about it it's less then $50 a person to feed. And the it's closed down for you. I think that you should do whatever you like hun because it is your wedding -- and your rehearsal dinner! It should be a nice relaxing dinner after the rehearsal... it's like congratulating & thanking everyone in the wedding that everything is planned, and the wedding is is going to go smooth (hopefully) Just enjoy it.

Answer 8

It's your day.  You should have a rehearsal dinner if that is what you want.  If $1300 is within your budget, then I say you should go for it.  Don't let other people influence your wedding or you will regret it later.

Answer 9

Traditionally the grooms family or the groom pays for the rehearsal dinner.

If you can afford it ignore your aunt and do what you want. If this is yet another bill added to a giant pile of debt then maybe you could compromise.  

Answer 10

Snack bag?  Your Aunt sounds like a Snack bag lol no offence hun ...do your wedding your way and tell your Aunt to mind her business.  

Answer 11

Hi and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Do NOT listen to your aunt.  I have never heard of that!  Yes, it IS proper to thank your attendants, give them a gift, and spend time with them the night before the wedding.  Here in the U.S., that is traditionally done with a rehearsal dinner.  I think that is a good deal for 40 people....and the whole restaurant!  How fun!

I would not change your plans.  What you have planned sounds very nice.

Answer 12

u should go wit the 1300 for 40 people  that would be nice and you can get to know everybody

Answer 13

By all means have your rehearsal dinner.  You are a traditional bride and you want all the traditions.  My daughter was too and although we didn't have much of a rehearsal per se, we did have a nice rehearsal dinner.  She brought her bouquet made of ribbons from the gifts at her bridal shower and all the family and attendants were there and we took lots of pics and it's a really great memory for the bride and groom.

Your price range of $1300 for 40 people is perfect.  Have fun and congrats on your upcoming nuptials.

PS : Don't forget to have your MOH make the bouquet from the gift ribbons!!!!  Great photo ops

Answer 14

If you want to have a rehearsal dinner, and don't mind spending $1300, then forget what your aunt says! It's not like she's paying so it's none of her business. Do what you want!

Answer 15

This is your wedding. Not your aunt's. DO what you want and have the rehearsal dinner.

Snack bags??? Filled with what ho-hos, ding-dongs and candy? This is not a birthday party for a 3-year old.

Answer 16

LOL Snack bags?! That's funny! It's very customary to have a rehearsal dinner. This is not to say that it has to be expensive. Our rehearsal dinner was at a lovely pizza restaurant. We had pizzas, antipasto, fresh baked stuffed breads, etc. etc. it was casual, it was relaxed and it was fun! However you want to spend it, should be up to you. 1300.00 seems very reasonable for 40 people. They are basically charging you 32.50 a person. That is lovely that the bridal party is staying there for the night. How convenient! I say GO FOR IT! It's your wedding! Not your "Aunt's."  

Answer 17

If I were you I would ignore your aunt and do what I want. Like you said you will only be getting married once and if you do things for others instead of for yourself you may regret it a few years down the road and may resent your aunt for a long time and that won't be good. Do the dinner if you want to and no its reasonable. I think it would be a great thing to do. It's not her wedding. Don't let her take over!

Answer 18

I personally think the snack bags would be tacky. $1,300 is a VERY reasonable for a guest party of only $40. I guess your aunt wants you to save the money but this is the MOST important day of your life so stick to the rehearsal dinner. Congratulations! :o)