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PLEASE READ!?!?!?!?

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Are my first four paragraphs good?

A Trio of Lucky ~ Kittens ~

Chapter 1: A Sad Beginning

One day in the shady woods of Missachualina, Waffle, the runt of the litter was born. His sister, Truffle, and his brother, Radar, were the other two that had been born. Their mother, Daisy, had been fataly ill and had died after Waffle was born. Fortunatley, their father, Skipple, was still there. Waffle, Truffle, Radar, and Skipple were never the same after that terrible day.

Chapter 2: The War For Land

The next month an issue came up between Skipple’s family and their rivals. The father from the other family, Dapple, wanted half of Skipple’s land. “No! This is not fair. Dapple has already accumulated three quarters of our land!” said Skipple. “Daddy? What are we gonna do?” asked Waffle. “There will be war and I will win. Radar? Go deliver a message for me. Tell Dapple I want war at 10:00 sharp.” demanded Skipple. Frightened, all the kittens could do was sit and wait…

Chapter 3: A Meeting

As Skipple prepared for the war, the kittens held a meeting in their clubhouse. It was noting fancy, just some twigs and leaves. “What are we going to do?” asked Waffle. “I think we should fight with Dad. He needs help. This time, Ma isn’t here to help.” said Truffle bravely. “I know,” said Radar, “But if Dad won’t let us gather wood for fire, we REALLY won’t let us fight in a war!” “You have a point.” said Truffle. The trio was scared they couldn’t do anything.

Chapter 4: The Final Goodbye

“Kits,” said Skipple, “If Daddy doesn’t come back, Radar, you are in charge, Truffle is the one who gets everything, and Waffle… you are in charge of keeping this in a safe place.” At that very moment, Skipple put a golden locket around Waffle’s neck. “It was your mother’s” said Skipple. As Skipple said his last goodbye, there was a few tears from the trio of helpless kittens.

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9 ANSWERS


  1. Sorry, but what the heck is this?

    There is no plot, no character development, no conflict.

    If you are eight years old, then I take that back.


  2. Those are some short freaking chapters...

    And I'm sorry, but I don't get your storyline at all.

    Ok, ok, sorry. I didn't know you were 10. What you need to work on then, would be elaborating your paragraphs into pages, and adding more description instead of just summaries.

  3. No no no don't stop writing! You're ten, and if you keep writing you'll get better and better, you'll write longer and more detailed, and one day you could write a real book. I think the names are adorable. Keep working on it! After you write a chapter go back and think "what detail can I add to this?" You could look at the line "His sister Truffle and his brother Radar" to "His gentle sister Truffle and his big brother Radar." Adjectives make a big difference.

  4. Aw, don't give up, just keep writing, maybe try writing short stories though, they are easier and the plots are simple....

  5. just read the 1st chapter

    like the names

    never stop writing

  6. sorry this c**p is too long 2 read

  7. This is very good for a 10-year old! Keep writing!

  8. Those are the first paragraphs of each chapter? I think you should put some more detail into it, beside that I like it. I love kittens, and I would read it.

    -BTW, I think their names are adorable-

    Don't give up writing!!!! Your story idea is good!!!! THese jerks just don't get it.

  9. Wow - you must make writing a part of your life!!!
You're reading: PLEASE READ!?!?!?!?

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