PLEASE answer me, as noone will. Am i sad? im 18 going on 80?

Question

im 18, and ive done some things in life ive regretted, but ive also achieved. ive just overcome two years of miserable mental health problems, binge eating problem, personality problem etc, and as a result of everything ive matured alot. but ive matured so much that im not the funny, yougish girl people used to know me as. im trying to be so real these days, because im scared of being someone im not, that i see the bad in things. its made me mature but miserable. like a grumpy old man. almost like rex from big brother, smart but not someone people always like. and even worse im an 18 year old girl who should be having fun. people judge me, they think im pretty and think ive got a pretty personality to match. ive had so much protection and pressure on me about boyfriends, from my three brothers and dad, that i dont even want a boyfriend. that might be good to them but now im jealous of other people who are in relationships and have the abilty to have strong bonds with people. im always an outcast, either quiet, or a fool. i dont have any real friends anymore, or a strong relationship with my family. i dont know what true feelings are. i dont feel that i can relate or connect with any guys. i used to let them use me for advantage when i was young but i learnt from it, and found my self respect but now i either see the bad in them, or see them as brotherly figures. the thought of s*x no longer appeals to me. i dont have ambitions anymmore either. the only thing that makes me happy now is baking, or reading magz, and watching dvds, or educating myself. now im turning from a popular singer/dancer the girl everyone at school thought would be famous, into a sad geek. is it sad to want to educate myself, and save money rather than party hard, and find a boyfriend at 18? im f*cked up. i dont know what i want. i just want fun, but when the fun starts, it pisses me off, for several reasons, and i just want to get home. i used to think about the future so much, but the future never happend, it got worse instead of better, and i feel like now im trying to live things more in 'the moment' but ive lost ambitions. i feel like life is going to quick and im appretiating small things like an 80 year old expecting to die.

Answer 1

put it behind u and start over. every day is a new day

Answer 2

I'll be honest with you, from what you've written here you seem to me to be the exact opposite of all of your worries.  You may feel as though you're 18 going on 80, but look at what you've been through! It takes a very strong individual to deal with their problems, especially ones as serious as eating disorders, etc.  Give yourself some credit.  You're probably not as bubbly as you want yourself to be, but that doesn't mean that you can't be happy and enjoy life.  Appreciating the little things doesn't mean you're expecting to die, it means you're taking advantage of your life - and that's a good thing!

Also, some of your worries seem completely normal.  You are a teenager, don't forget, and we (I'm 19) tend to be real mental wrecks sometimes, especially us girls - helloooooo hormones!! People as a whole can be insecure about themselves, and especially at this age unsure of what goals or ambitions we should have, so sometimes it seems as though we have none.  Personally, I think you might benefit from having someone to talk to, be it a family member, counselor at school, or even a therapist. Sometimes just being able to get it all off of your chest makes you feel a whole lot better.

Oh, and as far as your questions near the bottom, I don't think it's sad at all.  Educating yourself is never, ever a mistake, and I'm just about your age (without, i hope, any real issues) who doesn't like to party at all...maybe that's just not your thing! Don't worry about the boyfriend thing either.  Like someone else said, you have your whole life to find someone.  Maybe he'll pop up where you least expect him soon, maybe it'll take a while, but just because you're not on a mad search for mr. right doesn't make you weird.

Answer 3

This is what your going to do.

Go out and get out on your own.  You'll really find who you are.  Move across the country.  

**And start listening to music and watch more tv and movie to get influenced to get back your pre-extinct s*x drive.  

Answer 4

you're only 18... you have your whole life ahead of you & many many years to find your soulmate. =) cheer up!! tomorrow's a brand new day... try to meet more people. do something that will make you feel better about yourself. start activities... take nice long walks & think of all the time you have ahead and of all the wonderful things you can do in the future.

Answer 5

When I was around your age my world crumbled too ... It's really hard going through the short of **** you've been through and maintaining a bubbly happy personality ... You've experienced things that people your own age will probably never experience. I personally hated people my own age for being so clueless and resented the fact that they could be so happy. But you can't let the things that have happened to you hold you back from being happy ... I think you should seek counselling and continue to 'educate' yourself as you put it ... You sound like you have a strong head on your sholders and I really think once you face your demons you can get past this  

Answer 6

You're being too hard on yourself.  Life is all about making mistakes and learning from them.  It's easier said than done but try to stop worrying about what other people think of you.  Just go out there and live the life you want to live.

As far as the lack of ambition, figure out what you love to do, what you're really passionate about doing and then figure out a way to make a living doing it.  My grandfather always told me that the day he started teaching was the day he retired, and he meant it.  He loved teaching and nothing made him happier.  

Appreciate your the time you have because it passes quicker than you think, but don't dwell on it.  Stop living like your going to die and instead just enjoy living.  Because hate to break it to you but no one gets out of it alive so you might as well enjoy the time you have because it's never enough.