PLEASE help, my daughter is out of control?

Question

my almost 22 year old daughter said "she is having a bad day" today and she got angry when i asked her if she did anything today, she works and goes out, not in school, and sleeps until 12 or 1 pm same with her boyfriend. things escalated when i told her this **** has to stop, and she told me to fu-- off. my husband was not home but we are changing the locks tonight and she is out of here. i love her dearly but she is so lazy and disrespectful. her boyfriend is the same. am i doing the right thing? it is so hard but i know i have to stay strong. please share your thoughts.

Answer 1

She is 22 years old..it's time for this bird to learn to fly on her own. She cant have you around to support her forever esp if she is disrespecting you. You are doing the right thing..stay strong.

Answer 2

you are correct....she is old enough anyway

Answer 3

she doesnt seem out of control but she is old enough to take care of herself and shouldve already moves out.

Answer 4

SHE'S A CRAZY *****,KICK HER OUT.

Answer 5

I would have to agree with you. Some one this far out of control needs to have desperate measures taken against them. I do know exactly what you are talking about. My daughter for about three years was totally useless. That didn't change my love for her, I just could not stand her for a while. We got into a huge argument and she left, she was gone for about six months before she called crying and apologizing. She came home and we have been inseparable since. It is now her mission to take care of her father and me. I sincerely hope that you find what you need to do and that it  all comes out good in the end like it did for us.

Answer 6

is izzy your daughter?

Answer 7

At 22, I had my own apartment, career, going to school, own car, etc.  She's a grown a** woman.

Answer 8

If you were my mother, I'd want you to do the same thing to me in the long-run. It will help teach her not to rely so heavily on other people and that she has to put her own effort to get what she wants. Without a free place to live with provided groceries, utilities, housework (if you do it yourself), and so on, she'll hopefully learn not to spend her money on a girl's night out. My mom made me start paying for my expenses (any groceries she didn't write on the list herself, clothing, make-up, jewlery, etc) when I was 14 and I'm thankful she did (that doesn't mean I was at the time. I threw a royal fit.). I know how to manage my expenses and take care of myself because of her decision.

Answer 9

You are doing the right thing, youve done everything you can do to help her, but if shes not helping herslef nothing will happen. If you continue to let her keep up these habbits she will only become worse,

good luck!

Answer 10

Is this the first time in her life that you noticed that she was this type of personality? You should have set her straight a long time ago. I say...change those locks!

Answer 11

WELL, GOOD FOR YOU!!!!

more parents should do the same thing instead of allowing their kids to walk all over them and anyone else that gets in the way!!!

hang tough mom, you are doing the right thing.

Answer 12

If she is 22 and cannot be any more respectful toward you than that, than yeah, go ahead and change the locks. She will come to the realization that her bad days were a breeze compared to now being in the real world. Good for you for standing up for yourselves. She will come back with the knowledge that you and your husband were the best things in her life, and hopefully will have the decency to tell you this.  

Answer 13

I understand your frustration.

However, at least you know where you daughter is sleeping every night.

Hopefully this is a stage in her life that she will grow out of. Tell her she is welcome to stay but things are going to be different. Make her pay rent. It teaches her responsibility one step at a time. Also if her boyfriend lives with you, kick his a** out. Whether he is willing to pay rent or not it sounds like he is just a bad influence and a dead beat.

GOOD LUCK  

Answer 14

She is 22 time to go out into the real world and see that one has to work for what they want in life...she will not be happy but h**l you can not spoil her all her life...with any luck she is a quick learner and will realize she had it good at home and become a real adult.

Answer 15

Well Arlene...all I can say is that I'm in the same boat and I would venture to say (based on my own life) that this has been building for awhile and you blew.  I understand.

The thing you have to determine is what do you want?  Meaning what can you live with?   Do you want to give her a week's notice and say Dad and I will give you x amount of dollars to get started but that's all we will give you...the rest is up to you...so you know that she won't starve out in the street?  If you can't afford to give her x amount of dollars then...I would give her a reasonable amount of time to get her own apt (you said she works?) and move out. (Not six months, more like a month or however long you can stand it)...and STICK with it.

I read a book about adult children because I struggle with my own...and it's really more about US as parent's enabling then it is about THEM.  The author essentially points out that "helping" someone is doing something that they can't do for themselves...but Enabling them is doing something for someone that they CAN do for themselves.  

My DD is finishing up beauty school in May of 2009.  Hubby and I have agreed to let her stay here till she finishes.  I have already told her a month after graduation she needs to be OUT.  If she chooses to quit school I told her that she will have a month from the time she quits to get OUT on her own.  I have explained to her that it's just that she and I/we cannot live together.

Good luck!

Nancy

Answer 16

It is ok. She is almost 22 and you need to lay down the laws!

Answer 17

i think you are doing the right thing but not going about it the right way.  i think you should give her a clear deadline.  Tell her exactly what you expect her to accomplish by this time and let her know the consequence (that you are going to lock the doors) ahead of time.  This way, if she screws up again, it's her choice and you are just following through with the ultimatum you set up.

good luck.

Answer 18

You should give her a time limit to move out...don't just throw her out tonight without warning.  She could end up in a very dangerous situation that makes you even crazier!  Give her to the end of the week/month/whatever so that she must take responsible adult action.  Be very clear as to what will happen at the end of the time limit (belongings on lawn, donated to poor, etc. etc.).  Show her how to be a responsible parent because some day she may do the same to your grandchild.  

You must stick to whatever decision you do make.  Good luck!

Answer 19

we'll if she is being a jerk to you and not listening i think your doing the right thing. she will realize that she was wrong and she will change...well hopefully

      Good Luck

Answer 20

Time for her and boyfriend to go!  Tell her she is welcome to visit as any family member is, but no more free-loading.

Stay strong because you are really doing her a favor.

Answer 21

MOM?! i didn't know you had a yahoo account !  

Answer 22

I tried to find the words, but Wicked said it perfectly.

Answer 23

be strong. don't be an enabler.