1. A SWEET SADNESS
She gives him a sad wave as she turns walking away, from him, little does he realize that this was the last time they’d see each other again, her heart was in pieces but she pushed herself on…
It was the best option she told herself, not trusting in her own decision…
She loved him and he knew it, but things these days were so casual between them….
She left with a sad look, she managed to force such a sad smile, she for once locked eyes with him at a close range, he could see her force back the tears but he was unsure why she was like this. He thought she was just being a little overemotional again. Though she’d be fine…
How wrong he was…
She wanted him to know everything but she didn’t want to hurt him… so she thought if she rid him of her, maybe he’ll have an easier life, even if it hurt for a while, maybe it was best…
She didn’t know why he didn’t act when he first found out. But now, he’ll always think she’ll wriggle her way out, that somehow, she’ll be back, but he was so wrong this time. She wanted out so bad, she just wanted to be with him, she didn’t wanna push it though. She wanted him to be comfortable with it, not move into things too fast. She wanted him to understand that she’ll wait, as long as it took. But this time. He took too long, even though she waited… he took too much time and she could no longer buy her time. She had been using up time that she didn’t have. Now she had to pay and the consequences hurt. She didn’t want things like this. Not like this, didn’t want things to end, not this way at least.
She wanted to give him one last kiss, one last hug, one he’d remember, but……
Fear was holding her back… it was always holding her back…
She didn’t wanna let go, she didn’t wanna say goodbye, not to him. She walked away with tears streaming down her face, he watched her go, then he himself, turned to leave, as he turned she so badly wanted to hear him scream out her name and come running, kissing her and making up. But her hopes if it were fading with every step she took, with every step, her pace slowed, she reached the carpark and slumped down, with the world on her shoulders, her life in a wreck with her head in her hands, she cried, she couldn’t stop, she couldn’t hold them back, although she held back her tears as she faced him. She cried her heart out. God, she wanted him to hold her so bad, wanted him to comfort her, hear him say that everythings gonna be okay. He never came and she left. With a sad last glance, as the car rushed past, she saw him walk home, she wanted the car to stop, she wanted to run out and just stand there in his arms, but she let him go…. She watched him continue walking, turning to the street he lived in.
When he turned to leave, he didn’t give much thought as to why she was so upset, he was afraid to ask, didn’t know what was going on, but felt it was better if he left it and he usually found out what was going on by eavesdropping so he brushed aside the thought and he expected he’d hear her talking to her friends bout it tomorrow….
But the way everything happened, it bugged him, as he walked home, he tried to put it out of his head, he didn’t know what it was exactly, but something felt wrong, so he finally put his mind at rest when he finally negotiated that he’d personally go up and ask her what today was about, as he was concerned.
He walked home, not knowing he just let the girl he cared so much for walk straight out of his life, without even seeming like he cared, and tomorrow, he would feel awful to have thought he let her go without showing her one last time that he cared, he not only cared….
He truly loved her. But he was shy, he was scared, he let fear hold him back, as she did.
He’d go to school thinking she was just sick, and notice that her locker had been cleaned out, her friends knew nothing, thought it was a dream then he’d realize that she was gone, he needed to know what happened. He would fall into depression. He’d keep falling, blaming himself for letting her go.
Not knowing where she was or how she was. Just that she was gone. And that just two weeks before, he’d found out she was leaving, but she came back for last week, and now she’s gone. He didn’t know what to do but feel hopeless. He wished that he could’ve at least held her, kissed her and let her know she was loved, she probably left feeling alone, and he had given his word to her in a conversation they had that he’d never leave her feeling alone and never let anyone hurt her feelings, that he’d take care of her. He let her down. She was always there for him. Now he felt vulnerable without her there for him. Felt like his life disappeared, like someone just ripped everything good out of his life, like someone sucked out all the happiness in him. He missed her, her sweet smile, her laughter, her caring ways, the way she would look at him, and the way she was so shy was so cute, he’ll never see her pretty face again, never be able to look across the room and expect to see her looking at him, never see that kind sweet girl again. He realized that he just lost the love of his life. No more shy looks, no more chances to tease her, to ask her questions shyly, no more borrowing her stuff and not giving it back just to get her to talk to him cause she wanted it back, no more staring at the world’s most perfect girl on the planet, no more chances of being able to say random things to her just to start a conversation, no more chances to ask her for a hug, no more purposely standing near her that they touched, no more thrills, no more exchange of smiles, no more of the girl he loved and missed so much….
He would spend his days living out the memories he shared with her.
Wanting them back. Wanting her back.
He’d drift in his fantasies where she waited for him day after day. But it just wasn’t the same. He wanted her back.
He realized no matter how hard he tried to forget…. He couldn’t he’d worry about her all day, day after day. He was in love.
It was true love.
He hated himself for letting go of her.
So every night he’d spend them thinking of her.
He’d watch the stars for a shooting star; he’d use up birthday wishes and the like, to wish for her to come back. He still had hope. People asked what he wanted for his birthday or for Christmas. He said he just wanted a simple wish to come true. So he waited. They asked him what it was and he just said that no-one could grant it, only one person could. He wanted to see her again.
That’s all he wanted.
To hold her, to kiss her to spoil her with love, he wanted to be near her. To watch the stars with her, to go see a scary movie, just so he could hold her close, to let her know he’d always be there to let her know he’s there for her. He wanted her to know that he’ll never let her go again.
His heart ached with each passing day without her.
The highlight of his day was just to see her, her smile, her wave, to gaze at her. Now, there’s no more contagious bubble of happiness there for him, it was just so empty. Life was bleak and grey. He wanted to make her smile make her happy, make her laugh, make her give him one of those cute shy smile of hers, make her look at him and know that shes loved, now she was gone, and no-one knew where she was. Each day got gloomier. The hours stretched on, days seemed to be decades, all he’d do is daydream bout her. How he was completely mesmerized by her, completely awestruck by her, now, he was left with nothing...
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