PLZ!! Help me with this?

Question

I know this is in the wrong section but I'm not getting responses anywhere else... For my 11th grade English class I had to write a college applicant essay on the topic “something that has happened and how it changed your life” it had to be around 300 words so please tell me what I could take out. Please grade this essay and tell me what grade it got. Thanks a lot!

Waking up to your cousin's voice saying "they took your mom away in an ambulance," is one of the worst ways to wake up; especially when you are only seven years old. On the night my mom was taken to the hospital many tests were run on her to see why she suddenly had a very violent seizure. Soon after, they diagnosed her with a cancerous brain tumor. She held strong through all the surgeries and chemotherapy sessions that went on for two years. After all the miserable hospital visits she got tired of it and wanted to stay home and forget about treatment - the doctor gave her three months to live. It was almost impossible to crawl out of bed every morning just because I knew that my mom might not be with me anymore. She lived for another six months before she finally passed away. I woke up one morning and walked into the living room where my mom had been living for four months, too weak to walk into her bedroom. My grandmother's eyes were misty and I could tell something was wrong. My dad softly called me over and I shook my head and turned to leave. No news was best for me. My dad called my name again and I turned and walked over to him. He gently sat me on his lap and told me that my mom hadn't made it through the night. I blinked back tears as I ran from the room. I went in my closet and cried. Now I look back at my nine year old self and realize that I knew it was coming, but nobody could ever be prepared for that. My dad taught me not to give up on those you love, but to help them through things the best you can. He was always there for my mom and for us kids. He took care of my mom, the house, and us, and even worked from home so he could be right there. I learned about the will to live and the value of life from my mom who wanted to hold on long enough for us to remember her. This experience in my life has made me stronger. I still go through rough times but I know the importance of looking at the positive side of things. My life was changed forever, but my experience has left me with a positive attitude on life and I thank my mom and dad for it.

Answer 1

I didn't read it but i give it an A for effort.

Answer 2

sounds good write it up

Answer 3

I am only in middle school but that was fantastic. I give it an A+.

Answer 4

I think this is a great essay. You described this event in your life and paid close attention to the detail. Good job, I think you will pass without problem.

Answer 5

wow that made be cry i like it...i would give ua A+++++++ you wrote with so much emotion ..it cam from your heart...anything that comes from your heart is always gonna be great! Its your true feelings..something that has affected u and some kind of way ..WTG U!!

Answer 6

How many words is this? This is excellent by the way.

But if you need less words you can take out when you tried leaving the room and/or hiding in your closet? Just a suggestion.

It was a very moving read though. I liked it... that sounds kinda mean... :/

I give it an A definitely.

--Brian

Answer 7

i went ahead and changed a few things.

Waking up to your cousin's voice saying "They took your mom away in an ambulance," is one of the worst ways to wake up; especially when you are only seven years old. On the night my mom was taken to the hospital many tests were run to see why she had suddenly had a very violent seizure. Soon after, they diagnosed her with a cancerous brain tumor. She held strong through all the subsequent surgeries and chemotherapy sessions for two years. After all the miserable hospital visits she got tired of it and wanted to stay home; forgetting about treatment - the doctor gave her three months to live. It was almost impossible to crawl out of bed every morning just because I knew that my mom might not be with me anymore. She lived for another six months before she finally passed away. I woke up one morning and walked into the living room, the very room that my mom had been living in for four months, too weak to walk into her bedroom. My grandmother's eyes were misty and I could tell something was wrong. My dad softly called me over and I shook my head and turned to leave, no news was better than bad news. My dad called my name again so I turned and walked over to him. He gently sat me on his lap and told me that mom hadn't made it through the night. I blinked back tears as I fled the room, running to my closet crying. Now I look back at my nine year old self and realize that I knew it was coming, but nobody could ever be prepared for that. My dad taught me not to give up on those you love, but to help them through things the best you can. He was always there for my mom and for us kids. He took care of my mom, the house, and us, and even worked from home so he could be right there with us. I learned about the will to live and the value of life from my mom, who wanted to hold on long enough for us to remember her. This experience in my life has made me stronger. I still go through rough times, but now I know the importance of looking at the positive side of things. My life was changed forever, but my experience has left me with a positive attitude on life, and I thank my mom and dad for that.

you should read through this again and see what else about ti you want to change. or just disregard this and use the original. hope i helped.