PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ HELP!! URGENT!! does this make sense!!?

Question

DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?

When Michael discovers Skellig at first it makes him feel quite frightened and suprised that there was someone living in the garage. Michael shows that he is frightened because the quote he made showed he was scared. He said "My heart thudded and thundered."

This shows that Michael's reaction to Skellig was being quite startled and frightened because he said "My heart thudded and thundered."

Answer 1

This shows that Michael's reaction to Skellig was being quite startled and frightened because he said "My heart thudded and thundered."

should be without the "quite being" part and add in "startling and frightening", because ithey are unnecessary words and with those taken out, the sentence flows better.

So, it should go:

This shows that Michael's reaction to Skellig was startling and frighteneing because he said "My heart thudded and thundered."

Answer 2

Rephrase. You are being repetitive.

"When Micheal first discovers Skelling living in the garage, he is both frightened and surprised. He indicates this when he says " My heart thudded and thundered. "

(Sometimes less is more when writing.)

Answer 3

Yeah, makes perfect sense :)

Answer 4

You could say something about both of  those words - so scared his heart thudded (he could feel it pounding in his chest) and thundered (he could actually hear the pounding of his heart too). Puts emphasis on his frightened state,

Answer 5

yeh it does make sense

whats it for though

Answer 6

I had toread it twice to go "all right i get it" but its alright!!

Answer 7

its a bit weird "thudded and thundered"

thundered woould be more angry with someone i think

Answer 8

It's July already, are you still in school?

Or are you in post secondary already?

Answer 9

yer its good but you dont need to repeat the thudded and thundered bit. come back to it in 10 minutes time without thinking about it and read it through slowly again and you will see some little alterations spring to mind.

good luck xx