PLZ READ AS SOON AS YOU SEE THIS!!!?

Question

plz tell me what you think about this short story i hav 2 do 4 reading class.

One day Billy, looking just as haggard as ever, goes to school feeling bored. When, incredulously, looking at a door salesman waiting to greet him to fill his day with a million bucks. He quickly maneuvered over to the man. The man said insolently,” would someone please get this boy some decent clothes!” And before he could blink he looked nicer than ever.

Just then, Mr.Mcgee, his obese gym teacher, came over swaggering as everyone trembled in fear. He said,” Just because you live in an institution doesn’t mean you get to get a million bucks!” as he takes it and rips the giant check into pieces.

Almost simultaneously everyone leaves. After a few minutes he starts to hear a beeping noise. He awakens to find himself lying in bed. His mother comes and says solemnly,” so, what did they do, rip up your check?” “AH!!!” he screams as he sits up in bed and sees his mother come in the door and asks,” Were you having a nightmare again? And why do you have that dollar bill taped to your nose?”

Answer 1

at obese you lost me try to make it more interesting

Answer 2

Honestly?  It's a little too simple.  Too much "telling" and not enough "showing".  Don't throw in too many big words just to show you know them.  :)

Answer 3

eh? yeah not interested

make it better

Answer 4

honestly?

:/

it bored me.

Answer 5

...wtf??

Answer 6

Okay, that's kind of funny, I don't think it works for school.  You're story needs to have the five parts of literature--

1-theme (what's the message you're trying to convey?)

2-characters (make good strong characters, get to know them)

3-plot (does your story have a climax?)

4-point of view (who is telling the story and is it in the past or present?)

5-setting (where and when does your story take place?)

Your teacher will be super impressed if you use these five elements!  Try reading other short stories to get an idea of how to write one.  Good luck!

Answer 7

Soz can ya repeat dat i dint gt ny ov it cuz i wz sleepin....wdf ya stori iz mashed lmaooo......