POLL: This is a serious question and I need your help?

Question

Lately my children have become more and more defiant and I am literally at my wits end with them. I have tried time outs, suspending ALL privledges, taking ALL toys away for the whole weekend, spankings, and not allowing any friends over to play. I dont know what else to do/try. These are the very moments that I HAVE TO BELIEVE GOD GAVE ME CHILDREN TO TEACH ME PATIENCE. And from my point of view God has a twisted sense of humor. Im SO frusterated I am considering locking them in their rooms.!!!

I need serious answers and I dont want any sarcasm.So if you are planning on answering with sarcasm, save it for the "Am I pretty" questions...

Thank You

Answer 1

Sounds like a job for Super Nanny. Sounds like you have tried it all,just keep persistant and if you tell them somthing stick to it.

Answer 2

like every one else has said consistency and start looking for good behavior and reward them and the others will see and want some of that.also routine is very important at these ages they eventually become a way of life for them when in a constant routine.

Answer 3

Three kids under six, you must be a very strong woman to run your household on a daily basis! Seriously, kudos to you.

A friend of mine had one kid who really was off-the-scale with bad behavior, and she tried removing dairy from his diet.  We have all been amazed by the change.  He's not allergic, but somehow this really was affecting his mood.  I don't know if it would work for your kids.  It sounds more like it's a mix of attitude that starts with one and spreads to them all.  Keep your chin up and know that it can only get better!

Answer 4

My experience when you get to this point is to ignore the bad behaviour and go all out for positive attention.  Planning to keep the kids REALLY busy has always worked for me.  Get them up early - set your alarm and be the one up first - and then give them a big breakfast (high carb - beans on toast or similar) then get them active.  walking round museums and galleries, painting, making radio tapes, running in the park, walking, making a dance video,  local clubs teaching martial arts, anything that I can think of. Tired kids are happy kids.  Give them loads of exercise and force fun on them until they are exhausted.  This is just what has worked for me when I have been tearing my hair out in the past.

HTH

Answer 5

Try spending time with them, and stop letting them watch televsion.  My daughter learns HORRIBLE behavior from watching commercial TV, such as "Drake and Josh" "ICarly" etc.

These shows glorify bratty behavior.  Ask your kids what they would want their own children to act like.  

Also, stop reacting, because this gives them a payoff.  "ooh, we got mom to yell" it's about control.  You have to take control, stop screaming, and just enforce the rules you make consistantly.  Letting the TV babysit for you will backfire, as you may be finding out now.  

I would say no television for two weeks, and have family reading time and game time (do puzzles, etc.) for entertainment.  

Also, take ALL refined sugar out of their diets and see if this helps.  IF it doesn't, then take out all dairy as well.  You may be amazed at the change from removing these foods from the diet.

Answer 6

I see a chain reaction.  One child acts out & see's the other one acting out.

Do you get to place your children in day care?  Even if you put them in day care half the time.  They need to be stimulated.  Keep them busy.

(if you think you can not afford day care)

There are some good day care programs in which help the poor.  Usually the United Way has supported programs in your community.  (if you think you can not afford day care)

Answer 7

Try ignoring all behavior that wont hurt another person and only responding to good behavior. If Johnny wants to have a tantrum let him, walk away and do your own thing. Soon he will come looking for you - some will look for you then start the tantrum over again. Dont laugh at them!!!! (Even though it is funny). When a child is kind praise them, when a child figures out how to do something new clap your hands show them it matters to you. But when they are naughty - ignor them.

Now if they hurt someone else they need to see that is not acceptable. Then try a time out ( choose the time out location carefully, no tv in sight, no other kids running past them and no toys, blankies, binkys, or other help. They need to think about why they are there.

Good luck with them. Children can be frustrating and they can be loveable - sometimes in the same timeframe!!

Answer 8

Time for you to do a 180 and use positive discipline. No wonder they are continuing to be defiant, all you have been teaching them is negativity.

Using positive rewards, behaviour modification, etc. will help you have a happier family in general.

It starts with YOU becoming calmer and more organized, and you and your husband getting on the same page as to how discipline will work, and which techniques. No punishment, but discipline. Kids need boundaries and guidelines, and honest to gosh, are happier with them.

Good luck to you.

Answer 9

OK.  

1. DONT ACT VIOLENT(SPANKING) OR EXTREMELY ANGRY.

2. EXPLAIN TO THE CHILDREN WHAT THEY HAVE DONE WRONG AND MAKE THEM HAVE A TIME OUT FOR HOWEVER MANY MINUTES HOW OLD THEY ARE(EX: 6 YEAR OLD GETS 6 MIN.) THEN MAKE THEM GIVE YOU AN APOLOGY.

3. TAKING AWAY EVERYTHING FROM THEM WILL ANGER THEM MORE.

SERIOUSLY, I HAVE GOTTEN A LOT OF TECHNIQUES FROM THE SHOW SUPER NANNY ON ABC.  THEY WORK TOO.  SO GO TO www.abc.com  AND WATCH SOME OF HER SHOWS. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

Have you tried spending lots of time with the kids and giving positive incentives instead of punishments? If punishment is getting you nowhere and the kids are still out of control, consider structuring the day differently so they get more positive interactions with you ... playing board games, taking them to the park, etc.  It can be helpful to have a predictable 1-on-1 time with a parent to do the thing that the child chooses to do (within reason, of course).  I know that's hard to do with three kids, but it can make a big difference in how they behave the rest of the day.  

Also, even if it's hard to find, "catch them being good" and compliment them for it.  Perhaps even start a sticker chart for good behaviors (half a day without getting in trouble, or a day, or an hour ... whatever seems achievable at this point, and then spread it out).  Have something they'll value as a reward for accumlulating a certain number of stickers (make the initial goal not too many stickers so the tangible reward is actually achievable; then when they achieve that, try it again but make it take longer).  I've found with my kids that the "rewards" they most care about are activities, not things.  Things like a bike trip with dad or trip to the children's museum with mom or picnic at the park or sleepover with friends can be great motivators.  As they get more used to behaving well it will become their normal behavior, and you won't need incentives anymore.

Answer 11

I am in no way saying this in a joking manner - i have kids the same age - they are good kids but oooh, are they challenging.

just calm down - dont take them all on at once - pick the worst things they are doing - pick just 1 or 2 and just focus on these habits first.  try to let the other things go to a point.  Try your best not to yell - that will stir them up more (they want a reaction out of you).  Chip a way at it.  Remember they are at a VERY tough age.  I would start with your 6 year old first to set the example and be hard on him/her.  they know better to point how to act.

It will get better, i keep telling myself that. but when i started focusing only on the big stuff i started feeling less stressed.  good luck from one mom to another!!

Answer 12

they r still young and able to be fooled right so do something like say if you don't listen to me i'll kick u out the house and then if they run away or something pack a bag 4 tyhen to try and scare tehm

Answer 13

have you ever consirded conselieng for your children.

Answer 14

be consistent and follow through with the punishment or what you are saying. Works for my kids perfectly!!

Answer 15

Two things come to mind.

First, what's your routine like?  My kid is pretty easy-going, but some children really seem to need a schedule.  (His cousin melts down if lunch is not at the same time every day.)  And with three children, I can imagine that even one child with a yearning for order and predictability could set the whole group off.

Second, have you been inside all winter?  We go outside on any day that isn't absolutely brutal cold or pouring rain.  And if it's not possible, we try to find an alternate way to burn off energy - the mall or a fast food play space.  An hour or two of wild time in the morning can really help the rest of the day go more smoothly.

It sounds like you've got three spirited kids - that's not a bad thing.  Just a lot to handle!

Hang in there, and try new things until you hit on a solution.  Good luck!

Answer 16

Wow your kids are so close in age i can understand why you would be frustrated.

Do you have a set naptime for the younger 2?  If not you really need to make sure you encorporate that for yourself.  Each child is in a different stage but .....thins can be done.

The two year old is just learning from the other 2 and will follow suit once baby sees mom is laying it down.  Your oldest will be scred of any new changes but you stay strong.

My biggest suggestion for you is routine.  Breakfast at Xtime, lunch at Xtime, naptime at Xtime.  Time outs are a good option, but you are going to have to be very dilligent...keep taking them back to thier time out spot, and at bedtime keep taking them back to thier room.....it will sink in i promiss.

If you need someone to vent on text or email me......I will tell you to keep it up....Just remember sometimes god doesn't give us patience...he gives us the opportunity to be patient.......Good Luck !!!

Answer 17

say what you mean and mean what you say....dont threaten unless you plan to follow through...are the kids going through any c**p...like a seperation from their father? patience and love, and consistency is what you need...

Answer 18

We have the same problem. You're right; God is trying to teach patience here. Try not to fly off the handle or flip out. Stay calm but stern.

On the first offense, you need to give a warning (i.e. "If you _____ again, you are going to lose _______." On the second offense, stoop to their level, look them in the eye seriously and say, "Okay, you have lose ______." They may throw a fit. If so, calmly send them to their room. If needed, you can repeat the first few steps, and continue to take things away. After awhile, they will realize that they aren't gaining anything with their fits.

Also, acknowledge and reward good behavior. Be kind and loving in general (I'm sure you are). Remember your love for your children -- Haha, it can be more difficult than you think.

Good luck! Stay strong, patient, and CALM.

Answer 19

pray

read them the Bible...

I really don't know what else to say because I don't have any kids....but good luck with everything.

Answer 20

Sounds like you're going through the same thing my mother has to put up with, only my brother's are 15 and 19, so they should know better.  It seems like you need to set them down and have a heart to heart with them.  Explain to them that what they're doing (or lack thereof) isn't helping Mommy and Daddy at all.  In their eyes, they're not seeing the time-outs, the privilage suspension, etc. as a way of doing things better from now on, they just see it as punishment.  Talk to them and tell them that helping out and behaving makes everybody happier.  Also, try not to spank.  That's considered a form of abuse.  Kids don't like it.  Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 21

I am a kid. I know how it feels when my parents lock me in my room or hit me till i lose most feeling. Locking them in there rooms is harsh But you got to do it! Get your husband to really get angry. Moms are not as scary as dads. Trust me out of experience. If things dont go well try this:

make them draw a picture of what they are feeling and why they did what they did. You take it from there. Try to resolve!

Answer 22

make the oldest one stay after school

the younger ones, you should lock them in their room for an hour with no toys in it.

and make their munishments longer (week-month)

Answer 23

Try some good old bribery.  Plan to take the kids somewhere fun like chuck e cheese or zoo, somewhere you know they will really like then let them know that in order to go they have to be good.  Set up a chart so that they can put stickers on it for each hour of the day.  Set a goal that they have to earn so many stickers before they can go or allow them to pick something  they want or want to do using the same approach.  Just continue to be strong, once you give in they know they can continue to act how they want.