POLL: do you believe its acceptable to allow an 11 year old girl to:

Question

stay overnight at friend's houses

wear colored nail polish to school

dye her hair

have a cell phone

go to movies or the mall alone w/ friends

Answer 1

Here were my answers when I was 11:

1. Yes, but my dad knew all of my friends' parents well

2. Yes, but nothing too eye-popping, I had to chose calm colors such as peach. I also couldn't wear make-up.

3. No. My dad believes your hair is the most important physical feature.

4. No. What do you need one for at 11 anyway?

5. No!

I would say that's fair enough for your daughter. Get to know her friends' parents.

Answer 2

I agree that an 11 year old does not need to have anything on your list. Sleepovers in our home are okay when I know the parents, though. And you mght consider giving her a cell phone for her 12th birthday. I think that is an appropriate time to be "on her own" with a phone as long as you control the expenditures.

Answer 3

1) Yes

2) Yes

3) Yes

4) Only for use if she's going to be going somewhere on her own or to a friends house.

5) Sort of.  I'd of course drop her off and pick her back up at a designated time, but she'd be free to go to the movie and shopping with just her friends.

Answer 4

1. Yes, as long as I know the parents

2. Yes

3. No.

4. For emergancies only! I got my daughter a Disney Mobile Phone when she was 11.

5. NO!

My daughter is now 14 and on that list the only  one that has changed is #4 because she pays for her own cell phone. Let your daughter know my daughter can't go with friends alone or dye her hair! If she wants to go to the mall, I have to be somewhere in the mall or with her and at the movies I have to be seeing another movie.  

Answer 5

I have a daughter that is ten, nearing eleven.

She is allowed to spend the night at the home of a couple of friends, but only because her father and I know them quite well and the parents are also friends of ours.  Other than those couple of friends, my children rarely spend the night elsewhere for safety reasons-the friends can come here though.  However, I would suggest that you might try getting to know the family of her friends better.

My children are homeschooled, but I do let her wear colored nail polish.  Usually light pink, lavendar, baby blue-no reds or hot pinks.

On a rare occasion, I will let my daughter put a few streaks of temporary (wash out) color in her hair.  There is no way I would let her dye her hair, I would not let her even perm it.

What does an 11 year old need a cell phone for?  My children will get a cell phone when they are old enough to drive and need one.  My daughter, and even her 8 year old brother, ask me for one-WHY?  They can use the house line or my cell.

The only place my daughter is allowed to be at "alone" is our small town baseball field, where on occasion I have dropped her off early or let her stay late.  It is a well lit, public place on a cul de sac and we know everyone-and there are always several people that we alert that she is there and they look out for her, so she is not really alone.

You are not being unfair.  Tell her taking the door off of her room, banning her using any phone and making her stay home alone might be unfair but what you are doing is not.

Answer 6

my daughter does alot of this and she's 8!  be a parent and set rules for your child without our help.  most children start sleeping over with their friends at a much younger age.  decide which battles are worth fighting and get some counseling for your control issues.

Answer 7

1. Yes. Let her be a kid! Don't be so paranoid. Chances are *nothing* will happen. Just educate her about it and teach her what to do in case something like that does happen (which I highly highly doubt it will). If you're that worried tell her to call you throughout the night. One great reason to have a cell phone. Really..who's to say that your own brother or father or husband or son even isn't dangerous like that?

2. Yes..why the heck not?

3. Yes..again, why the heck not?

4. Yes..for safety reasons, like I stated earlier, for example.

5. No..little kids unsupervised in malls are the most annoying thing ever, not to mention all the safety concerns. I have plenty of stories of not-so-bright friends who almost got us into some really bad situations because of their immaturity and stupidity when we were preteens.

Answer 8

I am 14, and I wil l will try to answer these questions as best as I can.

1. Stay overnight: Yes, but only if you have met the parents.

2. Wear colored polish: Yes, but only on toenails

3. Dye Hair: No

4. Cell Phone: Yes, only emergencies

5. Movies/mall w/ friends: No. She can only go with parents

Answer 9

1. Yes, i've been sleeping over at my friends house since 1st grade, my parents had to meet the other kids parents when i was younger, but not anymore (16)

2. Yes, parents paint their kids nails from a very young age, but it doesn't have to be like hot pink, just a nice normal color.

3.NO, it's a teen thing to dye your hair, and even then, it should mostly be in the summer time, if she wants to dye small strands of hair (for ex: i put a little red in my hair at times when i go to the cardinals game), but i would suggest using the one day hair dye, which you can buy at many stores.

4. No. i'm sure that she says that all of her friends have one, but 11 year olds don't really need one. and if all of her friends have one, then they can always lend theirs. i got mine right before freshmen year of high school, and i really need it know because i have so many clubs, but in middle school the clubs were pretty planned out ahead of time.  just give her a few quarters for a payphone so she can put in her school locker

5. MAYBE. i would wait until most of the group would be 12, if the group was a nice size (for ex: 5) then i would let them go to the movies, as long as you see them walk into the theater, and set rules a head of time, for ex: no PG-13 without an adult (since their 11 they can't buy the tickets) and if you get in trouble at the theater you will not be allowed back in their for ---------- amount of time.  as with the mall, i would wait until they're older. when i go there i just hate it when there are 11 and 12 year olds walking around acting like they're cool. wait at least till their 13, but 14 would be better.

i think that it's odd how you let girls come over but you wont let her go to their house.  not all men are s*x offenders, in fact many fathers are very proctevie of their daughters and most of them don't even want to be by girls at their slumber party (the gossip and giggleing). i would just meet with the parents, if you don't allow your daughter some freedom, in a few years she will rebel ro have a bad relationship with you later in life.

Answer 10

1.  Yes.  Meet the parents!!!

2.  Yes.

3.  No.

4.  Yes, but only for contact with parents and emergencies.

5.  Yes.  They have security guards at the mall and the people working at the movies are always careful about young kids.

When I was 11 (I'm 13 now) I did these things, and it's perfectly normal!  Most 11-year olds these days do that stuff.  Dyeing hair shouldn't be allowed because it damages your hair, and who wants that at such a young age.

Answer 11

stay overnight at friend's houses - Only if you know the parents REALLY well, trust them, and have all the contact info in case of emergencies

wear colored nail polish to school - Dress Code???  They allow that now in school?  

dye her hair - No - besides, adding those harsh chemicals to the hair damage it.

have a cell phone - No, unless there is a really good reason they NEED one (not want one)

go to movies or the mall alone w/ friends - Movies - sure, Alone without parental supervision??? Absolutely Not!  

Stick to your rules!  It's great that you inforce them... so many parents these days let their children do whatever they want and the child has no structure.  

Answer 12

stay overnight at friend's houses...Yes, she is old enough IMO

wear colored nail polish to school...why not, I would let a girl much younger than that wear it, nothing wrong with it

dye her hair...no, too young for this IMO

have a cell phone...Yes, my 8 year old son has a cell phone.  It is prepaid and I feel safer he has one in case of an emergency

go to movies or the mall alone w/ friends...No, this is dangerous at this young age, I wouldn't allow this until much much older.

Answer 13

Stay overnight at a friends: Yes, I've been doing that since age 8, as long as my mother has met with whoever is going to be home first, and that they are an adult.

Colored nail polish: Depends. If the color is not extreme, then yes.

Dye her hair: No. Wait until junior year of high school, AT LEAST!

Have a cell: Again, it depends. Would she be aloud to use it 24/7 and text all the time? Or is it for emergencies only? If it's for emergencies only, then sure.

Go to the movies/mall alone with friends: NO!!!! That's just wrong with all the creeps in public. I'm not going to be aloud to do anything like that until age 15.

Answer 14

Most kids have sleepovers at their friends houses way before age 11 so yes, that's weird & unfair. My mom started painting my nails when I was a baby lol. I don't see why that's a big deal. Hair dye is pushing it for an 11 year old in my opinion. I don't think I'd let her dye her hair unless it was the stuff that washes out in a few days. I also wouldn't give her a cell phone or let her go to the mall alone. Most 11 year olds aren't responsible enough to take care of cell phones and as far as the mall goes there are just too many wackos out there. I think you need to relax about the nail polish- it's not like she wants a tattoo! Lol. And maybe just try getting to know her friends parents well so you'll feel comfortable letting her stay over there.  

Answer 15

1. If you know the parents well, and trust them and that you believe that your daughter knows what is right and wrong sure.

2.If your school lets them, sure nothing really wrong with that.

3.Just streaks, not totally dyed, if you think its ok. I am 11 and can't because its flammable and has chemicals.

4.Only for emergency's, although i don't have one. If she walks or rides far away sure. If you feel shes not responsible enough, no.

5.No there are to many dangerous things/people out there. I am allowed to sit with friends alone, as long as a RESPONSIBLE parent is nearby.

Depending on how responsible she is, you get to decide together or just you. You are the parent-the parent is the boss in my family. So really you get to choose.

Answer 16

What is she in jail?

no.

she lives at home...

the only thing your accoplishing is making her hate you! and all shes gunna do is when you do give her freedom she is gunna abuse it and rebell against you...

not only that but keeping her from being able to do those things is most likely going to make her rebel and feel that she need to sneak around...and thats really gunna put a strain on your relationship if you wanna be  not only her morther but a friend and keep an open honest relationship i think you should re-consider....as a 16 year old teeenager growing up in todays socity i can understand why it may not be her you dont trust but the people of the home she is staying at..or visiting...if you were to have open comunication with the parents of the friends house she is staying at..or going out with it will help reassure you she will be ok...i know my mom wont let me sleep at friends house that she doesnt know of but if you take time to talk to the parents and get to know the kids that she is hanging out with it will make it alot easier for you to give her that little bit of extra freedom she may be wanting and it will make things alot easier for the both of you..

cell phones are a good idea for communication purposes not only with friends but you as a parent and it will give you the feeling of more surcurity...and when she is out you can contact her at any time and it would be helpful in any case of emergency...as for the coulored nailpolish and dyeing her hair its really not a big deal...dying hair has never been a bad thing...im not saying let her dye it blue but give her choices...changeing the coulor of your hair has never changed anyone for better or worse...as long as they are natral coulors it wont change who she is ...or how she is looked at as a person. also by giving her choices and a little more freedom she wont feel as if she needs to sneak around or lie to you which will also help you trust her a little more and your relationship as a mother and daughter...

Answer 17

Weird.

i can & i'm 12

do all of the above.

thats what the cell phone is for the mall, movies, sleepovers. for me 2 stay in touch with them like every hour. & i also go 2 six flags with like 8 people but i still have 2 stay in touch.

Answer 18

1) yea. i've been staying overnight at friend's houses since i was 5... no biggie..

2) yes.

3)no.

4) depends on how mature she is. if she begs for one. no.  if she doesn't but has hinted that she would like one, i'd get her a net10 phone.

5) no. although if it was a smaller mall (like the one i have here), i'd let the 11 year old walk with her friends to a store, but the adult should be in the mall. and they should be able to keep in touch.

Answer 19

1. Yes, If you don't know them, then get to know them.

2. Yes, unless her school has a dress code that prohibit's it, it's fine.

3. Well, since I'm an 11 year old girl too, I really want to say yes but no. She could get highlights, but not die all of it, she could bleach it and get the highlights herself too, if you don't feel like waiting hours in the spa or paying for it.

4. Of course. I got my first phone when I was nine, and if I'm at a friends house, or go out with someone or anything, I can always call my mother or daddy!

5. It Depends. She has to be mature enough for you to trust her, and she has to promise she wont go anywhere else or talk to anyone she doesn't know and if you drop her off and pick her up right before and right after the movie then it should be fine.

Answer 20

stay overnight at friend's houses- I think so. Since you don't know their father/mother or whoever is going to be looking after them, maybe just take her to her friends house to play first. Then you get a chance to meet the parents

wear colored nail polish to school- It depends, does the school have a dress code that prohibits it? If it doesn't then it should be fine. You could always check the colour she's wearing to make sure it doesn't stand out too much.

dye her hair- At 11, I think it is too young. If you start putting chemicals in hair at 11-years-old, it will do a lot of damage to her hair over time and she will end up losing her hair earlier than most.

have a cell phone- Is she responsible? Will she just run up the phone bill? Maybe have her pay for the phone, teaches responsibility because since they are expensive, she will probably be more responsible with it. Or just buy the phone for her, but have her buy all the credit for it, that's what I had to do when I got my first phone.

go to movies or the mall alone w/ friends- I think you should wait until she is 13 for that. Because anything can happen when she's by herself. When she gets to around 13, maybe she could go with her friends but have yourself or another parent near by, so it still gives them their freedom, but you get to make sure she is safe.

Answer 21

no to all of them, you cant be too careful with your kids,  safe doesnt always mean fair. my daughter doesnt do sleep overs either, meeting the parents means nothing, you have to know someone very well before you can trust themwith your kids, i never did buy the whole, "oh i met the parents, its ok", thing. if you ever met jeff dahmer youd think he was ok too, clean cut, nice, quiet neighbor guy. but would you leave your kids to sleep at his house if his kid asked? lots of people make a good first impression, or even are ok for a few hour visit, its not like they have "im a child molester" or "  i yell alot and beat my family" tattooed on their forehead, that would make it too easy. as far as the cell phones and things, i think thats up to each parent, mine wont have one at 11 but my little sis  in law does and she does  ok with it, its prepaid so theres no danger of a big bill. hair dye? NO.nail polish....if its light colors, no sleazy-s**t red as my husband calls it lol...and at 11 they dont need to be going anyplace alone with friends, there should be at least one adult involved at all times.

and i know what youre getting at with the sleep over thing,  you know you are safe, and if parents are willing to allow their kids to do it fine, but you wont let yours, i completely understand, so what if people think its a double standard, im the same way, my daughter isnt staying with anyone who i dont have a VERY close relationship with, the only person she has ever stayed with is her grandparents, and thats how its going to stay,(shes 9), its not up to you what other parents allow, but your rules are your rules. so i understand where thats going.

Answer 22

"No" to staying overnight at friend's place. Even though there's an adult, or you know her friend's place and parents, it's still not safe for a young girl to be there! You'll never know who the person really is and she might be rape or so! That's really dangerous!

"No" - Wear colored nail polish to school, i don't think any school allows that to happen. Perhaps if it's just for some family function or over the vacation, probably its ok. :)

Dye hair - Nope! 11 is too young, plus chemicals are bad for health especially when she's at a growing up stage!

Cell phone, probably. I think something not expensive will be good, and also you gotta control the usage, use something like a prepaid card services.

Go movies / malls alone with friends. Yes, if only it's vacation and stick to the crefew! Do not give too much money!

I guess that every family should have their own Rules and Regulations. Explain to your daughter and tell her you are doing all these because you care and love her, and do not want anything bad to happen to her. :) You have to learn to stay firm because kids do turn rebellious easily at this age. That's why my answers to few of the items are not all 'NO'... You gotta learn how to give and take with these kids too!

Answer 23

at eleven i was able to-

stay overnight at friend's houses [ only twice. to the same person. and it was a biggg deal]

wear colored nail polish to school [ nop]

dye her hair [nop]

have a cell phone[yersh]

go to movies or the mall alone w/ friends [ru kidding me?]

Answer 24

I don't think your daughter should be aloud to attend a sleepover at any ones house you don't trust.I think she should be able to where colored nail polish to, don't let her where red. Also make sure her nails aren't really long when wherein nail polish unless its clear. I do not believe she is old enough to dye her hair. If she is good, does all her school work, and is responsible I do think she should have a cell phone. I don't really like the idea of her going to the mall/movies by herself with friends, but you could drop her and her friends at the mall and go with them but don't be in the same store as them and have a spot where you guys can meet up like the food court, same for the movies. Make sure your daughter knows about stranger danger.  

Answer 25

1. Yes, as long as there is an adult at home.

2. No, 11 is too young for makeup and polishes. That's a teen thing.

3. No, same reason as above.

4. Possibly, but with limits put on its use.

5. Not without an adult or older, responsible teen present.

Answer 26

stay overnight at friend's houses--yes, if you know the parents and are reasonably comfortable with them (take time to get to know them for her sake)

wear colored nail polish to school--yes, if it's a light color like pink or white

dye her hair--heck, no!

have a cell phone--no way!

go to movies or the mall alone w/ friends--definitely not!

Answer 27

I think if you know the Friends parents enogh yeah

and nail polish is not a big deal my sister when i was 4 painted my nails and well ihated it but over nail paiting is not bad it makes he feel girly

but the other things DONT NOT GET HER A CELL PHONE!!!

and you dont need to die her hail unless it turns... green or gray(like that will happen)

yeah dont let do any of that or she will get spoiled

Answer 28

as for spending the nite with friends....ok at your house....what about YOUR husband? or father or sons or ANY males that may be at your house? do you plan to have a lengthy and informative report on hand and give a copy to every single parent of the girls who spend the night at your house? fair is fair...

cell phones?  thats a bit much for age 11....she should wait a few years for that.

paint her nails?  c'mon mom....what planet are you living on? its freaking nail polish....she's a girl....no big deal there.

hair dye?  i say compromise....how bout some low-key but cool streaks instead?

mom, dont u remember what its like to be a pre-teen?  i think the key word here is compromise. if you arent willing  to do this then be prepared to reap the whirlwind in the coming years when she rebels and wont come to you at all for anything.  and starts running off on her own. and you will realize suddenly (and sadly) that somehow she has grown up without you and you dont know her at all....you can avoid this now...but you have to compromise on some issues....dont smother her spirit mom.....she is an individual and different from you....you may not understand why she likes the things she does....clothes that make u cringe.....hair colors or styles or the music she prefers....but that ok....the woman she is growing up to be is already starting now.....can u see glimpses of her every once in awhile?  yes....i thought so...you have got to let her grow up because she will anyways.....and you can either be a positive part of that or someone she comes to resent and hide things from......its time to reevaluate your relationship with your daughter....update the rules for who she is now....not the little girl in pigtales tearing up the sidewalk on her tricycle that she used to be.... i am a mom...my daughter is 25 now...i have been where you are .

Answer 29

I think its acceptable for an 11 year old girl to stay overnight at a friend's house, wear nail polish, have a cell phone, and go to the mall w/ friends. My mom allows this ever since I was 11. But dying my hair is a no-no.  

Answer 30

1. Yes, as long as I know the parents.

2. Yes, that's not really a big deal.

3.  It all depends on the color.  No wild streaks or anything like that.

4.  Not at that age.  If it was one it would be a trac-fone or a firefly just for emergencies.

5.  That's a no.

I think you are giving a double standard on the sleepover thing.  Don't you think over parents would like to have their daughter be at home too?  You expect them to all understand you have questioning thoughts about their relatives but don't expect them to have the same on males related to you?  Also that is pretty all encompassing about the male thing.  Not every man in the world molests children.

Answer 31

stay overnight at friend's houses:  my kids started when they were small...about 4 years old

wear colored nail polish to school:  My girls do (my oldest is 11)

dye her hair: no it is not appropriate for young girls

have a cell phone: No, an 11 year old child doesn't need a cellphone.  if she feels that she does then she should also be able to pay for it herself.

go to movies or the mall alone w/ friends: No, children at that age are irresponsible and need adult supervision.