*****~~~~PSSSHHHHT OVER HERE GOT ANY GOOD JOKES?~~~~*****?

Question

Feel free to write FUNNY jokes. And new ones please.

Funniest get's 10 point's.

Here's one from me:

Before Marriage:

He: Yes. At last, it was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don’t even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Every chance I get!

She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

She: Darling!

After Marriage:

Now read this from bottom to top.

Answer 1

LOL THAS A GD WUN =]

MY JOKE :

TWO DOGS WERE HAVING s*x AND A LITTLE GIRL AND HER MUM WALKED PAST, AND THE LITTLE GIRL GOES

"MUM, WHAT ARE THEM TWO DOGS DOING"

AND THE MUM REPLIES..

"ERMM.... THEY ARE MAKING CAKES"

AND THEN THE LITTLE GIRLS SAYS

"OHH SO YOU AND DADDY WHERE MAKING CAKES LAST NIGHT BECAUSE THIS MORNING I WAS l*****g THE ICEING OFF THE SOFAA"  

LOOOOOL

Answer 2

An Englishmans car breaks down in Scotland,

As he lifts his Bonnet a Scotsman walks up to the car and starts to look at the engine and fiddle with the wires,

The Englishman asks "Are you a mechanic?"

"No" Replied the Scotsman

"I'm a McTavish"  

Answer 3

Have you heard about the bloke with five willies?His underwear fits like a glove.

Answer 4

ROTFGMBO!  That's like he funniest thing I've ever heard!  That's so cool ( and truthful).  

One day a rabbit, buzzard, and turtle ( all friends ) were looking for a home.  They finally found a nice piece of land and decided that would be good enough.  They built a home out of stick, beds out of straw, and planted a garden for food.  But the garden wouldn't grow.  They all talked it over and decided they needed compost.  So the rabbit went to get some. A couple weeks later the rabbit came back, and there was a mansion that was gated!  There was a man standing at the gate. Rabbit went up to the man and said "were's buzzard?.  The man said" Mr.Buzzard is out in the yard ( say buzzard to rhyme with yard).  Then Rabbit said "were's turtle?  The man said " Mr. Turtle is down by the well ( say turtle like "Ter tell").  The rabbit thought for a minute and said " tell Mr. buzzard, and Mr. Turtle ( pronoune it like the man does) that mr. Rabbit ( say it like "rab it") is here with the sh*t!

I love that joke!

Answer 5

A rabbit saw a bull sitting on top of a tree. "How did you get up there?" asked the rabbit. "Easy, nibble on my droppings every day for a month and you'll soon be up here too" replied the bull.

So the rabbit nibbled some of the droppings he found lying on the ground, and found he had the strength to leap up to the first branch. The next day, he nibbled some more, and found he could leap up to the next branch. And so this continued for a month, until the rabbit was at the top of the tree next to the bull. "Yes, I've done it!" cried the mouse...and was heard by a passing eagle and eaten.

The moral: bullsh*t can get you to the top, but it cannot keep you there.

Sorry, kind of rubbish joke, but the moral is just too good!

Answer 6

Q. Whats the most unrealistic thing about Harry Potter?

A. A ginger with 2 friends.

Answer 7

your mommas so fat she jumped up and got stuck!

Answer 8

ha ha ha lmao that was good x

Answer 9

Dialogue of rabbit and bear in woods!

Bear: Do you ever have trouble with s h i t sticking to your fur?

Rabbit: Nope!

Then the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his a r s e!!

Answer 10

Here is one :

A blond walks into pc world looking for curtains for a pc, the clerk explains you cant get curtains for a pc the blond says "HELLO i have windows". lol this one is so funny.

Answer 11

I was shagging the wife last night and, after cumming for the second time, I rolled over.

My wife was not impressed and said, "how about finishing me off now?"

So I smothered her with my pillow.

Answer 12

Can you get pregnant from butt s*x?

Duh! How else do you get our president?

Sorry if you're a fan. The last part is basically whoever you want.

:)

Answer 13

haha i kind of figured it out after he said the over and over part.

Answer 14

there were 2 old ladies, ellen and barb. barb was on her death bed and ellen was talking to her about what she thinks heaven will be like. "I hope they have womans softball. if they do can you come back to earth and tell me if they do or do not?" ellen asked. bard said "sure" That night barb died and came back to earth shorty after to tell ellen about heaven as she promised. "i have good news and bad news" barb said. "whats the good news?" ellen asked. barb replied by saying "there is womans softball in heaven." Ellen then said "thats great, but whats the bad news?" "Your pitching wednesday."

do you get it? it means ellen is going to die in a few days. lol