Panicking, heart broken, and on the verge of a breakdown... please, please help.?

Question

My boyfriend, who I've been seeing for four years, just split up with me over the phone after telling me that he phoned my parents and told them I was g*y behind my back. I have no idea where to go from here. I can't phone my sister because she's with my now-ex..., 'looking after' him. I can't phone my friends because I don't want them to know what's going on.

I just don't understand. He's been bugging me to 'come out' when I'm not ready, I tried to explain, and he just won't listen. So then I said that I would tell my parents, and he simply said that that 'wasn't the point', which completely confused me. And then he told me that he'd already told them about 'us', and they had called him a bunch of names I won't repeat (use imaginations), and then when I phoned them to try to explain they hung up on me, several times. I don't know what to do - It feels like we've been together forever (even though to some four years might not be long), and he's the only person I can see myself being with. Someone please tell me what to do... I don't know where to go from here, and I'm scared. I don't have anyone to turn to and I'm losing everything and everyone I care about.

Answer 1

Okay, first, try to calm down. As hard as that sounds, you need to.

If he cared about you, he wouldn't have put the pressure on you to come out before you were absolutely ready.

You're right, four years is a very long time. It's easy to see him as the only one in your life, after being with him for that long. But he obviously didn't love you the way you deserved, and you can do much better, even though you don't believe that now.

Try to explain to your professors, teachers, that you're going through a very difficult point in your life. You don't have to go into details, just ask for an extension on the essays, or ask to turn them in piece by piece.

I'm sorry that you feel that you have nobody. I understand how you feel, I really really do. It does get better, trust me.

Don't try being someone that anyone wants you to be. Be someone that you want to be.

Answer 2

You need to just stop!

You are not ever going to please everyone and the more you try the less of you will be left.  Maybe your BF did these things because he was tired of having a secret relationship, or whatever.  He had NO right to do what he did, and your family has NO right to judge you for who you are and who you love.  I will say that if you and he have been together this long, and he has shown such utter disregard for you and for your family then you now see his true self.

NO ONE should ever tell a private thing about another person, and to do it on the phone shows what a coward and bas&%*d he really is.

The people that love you will not leave you.  It may take them a minute to register what that A hole did, so there may be a time of adjustment.  If your parents are anti then that is on them.  You cannot be responsible for someone elses feelings.  All you can do is continue to love them and move on from on from there.  I think your sister needs a whack, but then I am that kind of person;-)

Call your professors and ask for a very small extension and see if they can do that for you.  Essays come easy for me, so I would just sit and bang them out.  Done with it.

As for your ex, if it were me, I would probably run through my head a series of very horrible and painful deaths, then feel bad about it.  Look at the freedom you now have, and make a new life for yourself.  There is a reason for why things happen, you won't know it, and these things can really suck, but there will be someone for you, and it won't be him.  I wouldn't trust him for anything, not even to tell me the time of day.  Walk away form that.  The tears and whining may come but you be strong.

Someone cares...I do.

Answer 3

Being heterosexual myself, I can't entirely relate to this, but from reading your situation, it sounds like your boyfriend has a lot of issues of his own. When you love someone, you will wait forever to be with them, and that's not what he's doing. He's forcing you to come clean to your family about something that is frankly not his business, no matter how close you two are. I think you need to give it some time. Don't talk to your ex for now, but call your family after maybe a day, or a few hours if you can't wait. Rationally explain things to them while they're calm. Ask for their understanding, and remind them that you're their son, and they should love you unconditionally.

From my g*y friends, I have seen the way families react to this sort of thing, and it seems like it's really just time. Family is family, and if they've stood by you before, they'll come to accept this and stand by you again.

As for your ex, if he doesn't respect you enough to not involve himself in your extremely personal business, then he doesn't deserve you.

Good luck. Stay strong. :)

As for the additional details you just added: do NOT think that you ****** this relationship up. You did nothing wrong, and you don't owe anything to anyone. You are who you are, and it is no one else's right to make your choices for you or to decide that you're not good enough. This situation is NOT your fault, and people who can't accept you as you are aren't worth your time and love.

Answer 4

Everyone seems to have given you good advice, so I'll try to not tell you how you should be feeling or acting...

But, more of a comment..

I feel like giving you a big, snuggly hug. And if a complete stranger wants to hug you based on only a few paragraphs..? Think of all the people in your future, the ones who know more of you than a couple paragraphs, who will want to hug you..! =)

I don't think you are at fault at all... And maybe.. Once things settle down a little, your friends/family will accept the situation.

The essays probably seem like the least of your problems, but maybe they could serve as a distraction while everyone sorts out their feelings. If you can find somewhere safe to write them, you could try it...