Parent, honesty please: Why are you at emotional-war with your child? What's the real reason?

Question

Does it give you a kick that you still have 'control' over your child?

Is it due to lack of effective communicate skills on either part?

Or you think you are just teaching your child a lesson that s/he will learn in later life?

[If you aren't a parent, why do you think they do that.]

NB: I am not angry, I just want reasons.

Answer 1

I don't know any parents at an emotional war with their children. Is this something common with the people you know?

Answer 2

Parents usually are not at an emotional war with their minor children. It's the other way around.  

Teenagers are at emotional war with the world in general.  

Once they have matured enough to have used up all the spit and vinegar the war will be over.  

Don't worry too much about it.  It's just a natural thing that we all go through during puberty.

Answer 3

Parents are not at "war" with their kids.  It's not about control although it could be lack of communication on both parts.

Parents (for the most part) try to teach their kids right from wrong and sometimes, the adolescent believes the parents is basically, full of c**p.  They they know more than the parent does and the parent has no clue on how they're feeling or what they're going through.

Here's a clue:  Your parents, were once adolescents themselves and they know EXACTLY what you're going through.  The mistakes they made in their youth, they're trying desperately to keep you from making the same ones.

A parent will not reveal the mistakes they made to their child that they're trying to lecture, this would give the child the, "you did it, why can't I" excuse.

Be honest, you keep things from your parents just as much as they keep things from you.  On the parents part, they feel there is no need to unload the realities of life on you at this age.  As for you, you keep things from your parents because the last thing you want is to be lecture or scolded.

So yes, it's a lack of communication but if a parent raises their child in a trusting and loving environment, the child should never have a reason to doubt their parents wisdom or rules that are created for the sole purpose of teaching the child lessons that they will use later in life.

One day, you too will have children of your own and this vicious cycle will begin again.

Answer 4

I don't think I am at war with them, ages 10, 8, and 6. They test their boundaries at times, but we have no daily issues. We have rules, they follow them or get consequences. Its not a power trip, its trying to prepare them for reality. They cannot always have things their way or expect the world to cater to them. They are part of our household and are expected to help with chores, keep their things put away and tidy, and respect each other and us. They've always had boundaries and rules, so there is no wars or screaming matches in our house. We've tried to be consistant in our parenting and they are good kids. It might change in the teen years, but for now its going really good.