Parent dilema?

Question

I'm 20 years old, still in college, just found out that I'm 2 weeks pregnant. I know my parents would want me to have an abortion because of my culture background or even pressure me to have one if they found out. I'm thinking keeping the baby and give it up for adoption, but I'm afraid of my family, what should I do? I don't know if I can cover this up privately or is it anyother way I can go around it?

Answer 1

although your your parents will disagree and will likely attempt to interject their opinions, this is YOUR life and YOUR choice.  i have a dear friend who's parents are also asian who pulled the "status" guilt trip on her on "what will our friends think?" and finally convinced her to have an abortion.  that was just over ten years ago and she is still very upset for going against her own beliefs in order to pacify her parents.  please do whatever YOU feel is best and do not let anyone try to sway whatever choice you have in your heart.

if adoption is what you would like to do, you should have absolutely no problem finding a family either on your own or through an agency (i would look into private agencies personally) that can help you with the costs involved with medical, etc. if that is an issue.  i went through this when i was 19 years old, found a family that i adored early on and was very comfortable with the arrangement (i ended up getting into a car accident and losing the baby, but i would have loved to have them raise  him/her as i was ill-prepared to do so myself at that age).  i think it is a very beautiful person who can give the gift of a child to a family who wants one.  

this is a huge life choice so maybe taking some time to yourself to think about what you want to do would be good.  you don't have to tell your parents right away.  i hope the father will be supportive of you whatever you chose to do.

good luck!  this can be a scary time (i know from experience) but stick with what YOU want, no matter what that is.

Answer 2

it is all up to you since you are an       and keep in mind there are opoen adoption where you can keep in touch with the baby and you can also pick a family!good luck and dont let anyone pressure you to do somthing like abortion!

Answer 3

Covering up a 9-month pregnancy would be difficult, unless you don't expect to see your parents for a long time.  But you are right--making an adoption plan sounds like the right thing to do, a choice that has to be considered brave and honorable in any culture.  First call a reliable adoption agency.  Speak to a counselor.  They will help you with many things: how to tell your parents, where to go for prenatal care, how to balance college and pregnancy and adoption planning, and of course with choosing the adoptive family, if that's what you wish to do.  After the process is moving along, and after you've had more time to get used to the idea and are less upset yourself, then tell your parents.  Be prepared to remain calm and resolute in the face of their reaction.

Answer 4

i think you should have it and give it up for adoption. you are young and have a bright future ahead of u since u r in college.  dont let anyone make u do something u dont wanna do. its ur decision not ur parents

Answer 5

have the baby and keep it. tell your parents that you need their help raising it though

Answer 6

You are an adult.  Do what you feel is right for you and your baby, not for your family.  Tell them you're pregnant, that way there isn't a big elephant between you, but also tell them what you are going to do, and that it's final.  You're a big girl, and can make decisions on your own.

Answer 7

This is a tough decision for you. I know the magnatude of many Asian families when it comes to saving face and not embarrassing the family. This is also true for some non-Asian families as well. It can however be done if that is what you want to do.

No one should push you into an abortion or into adoption. It should be a decision you and the baby's father come up with together and agree upon. A baby is a big responsibility and raising a child while going to college will be difficult it can be done IF that is what you decide to do. Look at all options. It sounds like there will be little family support for you or the baby if you decide to keep him/her.  

If you wish to attempt to hide the pregnancy from your family, it can be done provided there are no emergencies that might force you to return before the baby is born. Truly the last 5 months is all you would need to hide from your family.

You are in a tough situation and I feel for you. It is tough for anyone to tell their parents that they are pregnant while still in school.

I answered your second question first and would have given you a slightly different answer had I read this one first. There are thousands of adoptive parents who would adopt your child if that is the direction you chose. I can tell you one thing about the adoptive parents I know. Every last one of them are exceptional parents. Every one of them are exceptionally attuned to the needs of their child. Nearly all of them make an effort to keep their birth culture intact (return trips to birth country, celebrating birth culture holidays, buying books and DVD's about the birth culture to share when it is age appropriate, etc.). Your child would not end up in foster care.

Answer 8

You need to do what is right for you.  Do not... I repeat DO NOT!  let anyone pressure you into doing something that you don't want to do.  This is your life, and the decision you make will affect you, and ONLY you, for the rest of your life.  If your parents love you, they will respect your decision, no matter what it is.  You are technically an adult, so the decision is yours.  Once you decide, tell your parents and let them know that you are going to stick by it.

Answer 9

This is a personal decision that only you can make.  Regardless of what your parents want or don't want, it is your decision to make.  

My suggestion would be to speak to a reputable adoption agency in your area and see what options are available to you.  There is no obligation for you to proceed with an adoption if you decide it isn't for you, but at least you will understand the process, etc.

Good luck to you.  Whichever route you choose, remember this is YOUR decision.  Others may have their own opinions, but when it comes down to it - you are the one who must live with the decision you make.  Do not allow others to pressure you.

Answer 10

You need to explain to your parents that what is honorable in your home country and what is honorable in the US are very different.  Most Americans I think would agree that you're trying to do the honorable thing by seeking an adoption.  

If you absolutely cannot face your parents, get prenatal care on your own until the abortion deadline for your state has passed, and then tell them.  You can get prenatal care and learn about local abortion law by visiting a women's center- http://www.pregnancycenters.org/advantag... It's usually between 20 and 24 weeks.

I wish you and your baby the best!  Email me if you want to talk about anything, [e-mail]