Parent neglect vs. teacher support?

Question

A lot of times I feel as if my dad, a teacher, gives more attention to hi students and work more than me. I feel bad when I want more attention. But there are times when I feel I have some senoirity over the students. Today golf was cancelled because there was no bus. Everyone's parents took them to the driving range but mine. All because he had work to do. I have not had any time with him in a longtime. Is it wrong to believe that I need and deserve him to help me? I feel so useless to him. tell me what to do to get MY dad back. He is always complaining about his work. So why does he put it before me? Does he hate me? I make all A's and do everthing as best as I can. What more does he need from me?

Answer 1

Your dad has a very time-demanding job but you are ALWAYS more important.  I feel strongly about the statement "No other success in life can compensate for failure in the home".  It is so true but it is also very easy to loose sight of that when you have deadlines to meet.  Life seems to provide many distractions from our most important jobs - raising our children well.

You need to help your dad understand how you feel.  Writing up something like what you wrote in your question might be a good idea.  That way, you won't fumble with your words as you can edit as much as you want till you get it right.  Give it to him directly (nicely) or put it in his lunch box or on his nightstand.  Ask him at the end of the letter to sit down with you to make a plan to fix things that will work for both of you.

You need to be understanding, too.  Your dad's work day does not end when school does.  You know that.  My husband gets to spend the hours of 6 - 8pm with my boys before they go to bed and we feel lucky for that.  We get all his attention on the weekends, too.  If he has a deadline coming up and he needs to spend more time at work, he tells me about a day ahead of time so I can pshyc myself up to be without him.  I can last for a day or two but it helps to have a heads up.  If it is just you and your dad, then I think he'll just have to consider that you need him a little more than if your mother were there, too.

Ask your dad for 2 hours of his undivided attention each day plus, the weekends are yours except perhaps Sunday evenings when he might need time to organize his weeks lessons, papers, etc.  He can have the rest of the time to do his work (just as a nine to fiver would).  Be specific about the times and stick to them.  That way there are no gray areas and time working won't slip into your time or vice versa.

Now, go talk to your dad or write that letter.  Best wishes.

Answer 2

Well he has to earn a living.  If you want to spend more time with him, then tell him that.  But that's a separate issue from the fact that he works hard.

Answer 3

You should be his first priority but again it's his job that provides so much for you. He has maintain his responsibillities to make a living for you and him that's why he does it. NO, he doesn't hate  you,he probably doesn't realize he's doing it .  Make sure you tell him your true feelings and you guys can set up a special time to hang out.

Answer 4

I am sure he doesn't hate you, sometimes work and home life is hard to balance. If your mother is around, maybe you could ask her to talk to him about it.  Not to be mean, but if he is that busy with work he is probably neglecting her too. If she is not around, you need to approach him in the most grown up way that you can. You sound very mature, so I am sure this won't be a problem for you. Present your case to him in a logical way without being overly emotional about it.  

Being a teacher is a tough job and there are a lot of politics involved in it these days.  That's probably why he complains. It's not anything you have done.

Answer 5

Tell him if he is unhappy with work, to do something else because you would like to spend more time with him.In fact tell him he gave up taking you golfing for the job he hates.That will make him think.