Parenting Advice please help!!!?

Question

I have a daughter, in Mid. school who wants to keep going out to the movies, to her friends house and everything. I am scared if I let her go she may do bad things. But I don't want to keep her locked up forever, I do trust her it's just I have heard bad stories. Please give serious advice I am a mom who really cares. Thank You.

Answer 1

hi i am a mother of 3 small children, so i don't have a lot of experience, but here is what i think, you see, when i was a teen, my mother always told me that  i can do anything i wanted, but i had to tell her where i was, and when i would be coming home, so she always knew where i was, and if you don't give her space she wil only do things that she isn't allowed to do and will do them behind your back, so my advise to you is give her some room, but always tell her that you want to know where she is, and give her time when to be back, if she goes out, till say 11 pm for example, tel her to be in by 10, or 9, and give her a mobile phone so you can reach her all the time, or if she is with friends, get their parents phone number, so you can call them if she is really there, i know it sounds harsch, but it will work, just try it, i hope it is helpfull!

Answer 2

Here is the thing about kids:  They WILL do bad things.  It is their way of testing their boundaries and learning about consequences.  You have to let them go out and do those things while the "bad" things are small; so they can learn their lessons before they bad things are something really serious.  

That doesn't mean you don't set boundaries or lay out groundwork to keep your child safe.  Know where they are going and who they will be with.  Set firm rules about when they must be home and when they have to call and check in.  Make sure you know and can contact any parents who will be transporting them.  Don't let them go out with any friends you haven't met, or go to anyone's house when their parents won't be home.  

It is good that you trust your kid, continue to do so...so long as she doesn't s***w it up.  But remember if you don't give her some room to explore she will rebel and things will be so much worse when she is doing things behind your back where you can't guide her.

Answer 3

As a mother myself I hear your pain. It is hard to strike a healthy balance for your kids. I think they need their freedom to a point to be able to go out and try out making those decisions on there own. Those things that you taught them. No they wont always get them right. But they have to practice them still. Like everything else it is a skill.

Having said that, I also think that it is important to place some restrictions on them. Like emphasizing family time. Making a point that family time is more important that friend time.

At the end of the day all you can do is the best that you can do at the time. It sounds to me that you are a great mom. You are interested enough to ask questions. And that can't be a bad thing.

Answer 4

It is very hard to handle this kind of thing when your kids are in middle school.  I have a 12-year-old, so I know how you feel.  It is very important to let her gain independence and prove to you that she is trustworthy;  but it is also important to allow her to be independent in a safe, supervised way.

Just be sure that you know the parents AND the friends she is hanging out with.   Let her have a sleepover at your house, so you can have an opportunity to get to know the girls she is friendly with.   Make a nice pot of coffee and get some pastries, so the next morning when the moms come to pick them up, you can invite them in and chat with them a bit.  This gives you a better "feel" for who they are.   Then, if your daughter wants to visit a friend, you'll know who she's with, and be more comfortable with it.

Answer 5

My kids are young so I haven't had to deal with this yet but what the rule in my house growing up was my parents would trust us until we gave them a reason not to. Your daughter may do bad things but you have to give her the chance to make those decisions on her own. She may surprise you and make the right choices. It is still okay to make her check in a lot and to leave a number where she will be but you need to give her a little more freedom. I know that is easy for me to say since I am not there yet :-) Good luck, it is not easy letting your babies grow up!

Answer 6

the easiest way to reassure yur self is to meet ar atleat call the other childrens parents . discuss your concerns with them I bet they feel the same way and if they don't then use your best judgement.

she may not like it now but she will appreciate it some day

Answer 7

As a Mom I have always just showed up. I don't walk with them everyday to school but sometimes will. There friends still come. Sometimes when walking home from school I show up anywhere along the path. They are always happy to see me.

At friends houses or when they are playing outside I will go outside and play with them too. I will show up with snacks. I am checking of them but they don't know it. I will try to keep it that way. I do point out when other kids to bad things. Not friends but other kids outside or in stores. Especially when they have down something. Then that helps them to see that I am not just being mean.

I would show up were people are saying these things are happening at but alot of times kids are not telling the truth. A Mom came up to me and said my daughter had a boyfriend. At the time I was walking my kids back and forth to school. Lunch time /recess she was being tutored or doing chorus. Both were her choice. Their was no time for a boyfriend she was only 10 years old! I did check with the teachers to make sure she was going there. They said that the Mom's daughter was the one with the boyfriend and they had told her. The little girls said no it was mine. But sometimes it can be true. Don't know until you investigate.

Answer 8

Katie,you are the parent do not let her intadate you with her whining "but so and so gets to do it"Yes let her go to the movies and stuff not on school nights and especially if you don't know the friends real good forget it.I know she could make your daily life hard,but what's worse getting control now while you still can or when she older and she is lost adult,I like to say if she says she hates you ,pat yourself on the back ,it just means your doing a good job as her mom.You can be her friend when she is older ,and when school is over have her friends sleep over your house"i know this is a pain",When she does take off to go some where you want to know with who,get their cell,where,and give her a time to be back home

if she is later then 15min consequences will have to be made,Rules are good for teens it helps them make better choices in-situations,Pray that the Lord will give you wisdom  and patience tell him you cant raise her alone please help,and he will