Parenting advice needed, controlling three boys. ?

Question

I'm divorced from their mother, and have my three boys (ages 7, 6, and 5) every other weekend. Sometimes they all get a bit hyper and I can't control them (they simply won't listen to me), this can be embarrasing as well if I'm out in a public park, or someone else's house. I hate shouting and don't want to be an ogre. Anyone got any advice or a book/website recommendation? I try to be a fun dad because I only see them twice a month, but sometimes feel my kids walk all over me.

Answer 1

Hi I know and understand your situation, BUT you are the parent and YOU have to be in control if you are not then your kids will take advantage of your easy going attitude. So get a grip visit the link below for lots of free advice and how to set up a structured routine and many books on good parenting. Good luck and best wishes

Answer 2

get out the strap and use it.

Answer 3

Your kids don't respect you. It's great that you want to be a fun dad but you have to set limits and be consistent. You will gain their respect by being strict and firm. No need to yell just be firm. If you are always having fun with them then it's probably hard for them to realize when you are serious and when you are not. How does your ex discipline them? You should try to stay on the same page. I'm not a huge fan of spanking and think it should be used as a last resort but If she spanks them then you should too so that everything is consistent and they know you mean business. You can still have fun with them and be strict at the same time.

Answer 4

Get yourself a cattle prod and demonstrate it on each of the boys before you leave the house, I guarantee they will be the best behaved boys in the park.

Answer 5

the rule of thumb is that you don't let a three foot nothing control you or the household. Tell them if they don't behave they can't visit you again. Be strict about bedtime. If you say NO to something stick to it and don't give in, kids soon hook on to the fact that if they pester, the parent will give in and therefore you have lost control.

If they misbehave tell them what they are doing wrong and give them another chance, on the third time they do the same thing, follow through any punishment you threatened on the first instruction...i.e  I did this with mine, so once on the third time I ripped up their pantomime tickets as I had threatened to do that on the first warning, consequently they missed out on a good trip....carry through your discipline.  It transpired that on the whole they became well behaved kids as they knew they'd lose out if they weren't. Give them hugs and praise when they behave...i.e. concentrate on praise rather than the negative.

Answer 6

Tell them before you go out what behaviour you expect from them and impose a punishment if they don't behave accordingly. Denying a treat such as going somewhere, watching TV, playing computer games or any other treat is the fastest way to get their attention. You have to be consistent, don't threaten anything you don't follow through on. Set your own boundaries and be strict about adhering to them, you could always cut short their visit if they're really misbehaving. Kids need firm boundaries but they also need to know what you expect of them.

Answer 7

I agree, Nanny 911 and Supernanny etc. are good programmes to watch, but I tend to take it a notch down because I don't believe in the whole 'naughty corner' thing, which I'm sure would just be abused in our house.

I'm like you - I hate shouting, me and my husband can be complete pushovers when it comes to the kids because we try and be nice to them all the time, but it does mean that they think they'll get away with murder. So for my younger kids I've introduced a sort of 'rewards' system.

It's just a way of making the kids know that yes, the parents are in charge and there is a routine, but they're still fun and friendly. We've got, for example, a star chart up. When we go out or something, if they've been good, they'll get a star. With 10 stars they'll get a reward, 20 a bigger one, 30 etc.

We also make sure there is some kind of routine so that the kids can feel responsible and mature. So we'll say "okay, today it's Adam's turn to feed the fish" or whatever, so that they automatically begin to act more adult.

Seeing as you get the kids only twice a month, introducing little things like this /will/ be really fun. A star chart will be a novelty and will encourage them to act really well until it becomes second nature, having fun responsibilities around the house will mean that they feel almost equal to you, but you've got to make sure that if they're showing you up at all, you say "no, daddy's the adult here, and I'd like you to behave properly because you're a big boy and you have to act like one".

Try putting in some new, fun things that will prompt them to behave well, because they'll see a lot of fun in it. But you have to make sure they know you're the responsible adult, but it doesn't have to include shouting at them, just tell them - if you don't respond, they'll get bored and won't do it. It takes time, but it's worth it.

Answer 8

You know it's okay to be fun but, there is always that line that should not be crossed and children always have to know who is in charge and where the respect should be given.  

Going through a divorce can be difficult on the children and they could be acting out but, don't let them get away with behaving any way they want because you feel guilty you don't have them as much.  

Give it time they will adjust to this new situation but most of all be straight with them.  Lay down the law, if they don't behave right tell them this is what will happen. Most of all stay consistent and soon this behavior will go away.

Answer 9

When you havn't seen ure kids in a long time the last thing u wanna do is punnish them or address bad behavior u just want to have fun however

As a parent when addressing a behaver u should always use a firm voice not shouting but i know best tone. If he miss behaviours first thin u shud do is come down to his level so there is eye contact and then give him a warning and make sure he is looking at you. If he carries on which he will probably will to test you carry out ure punnishment.

For every yr old he is add a minute

2minute on the stairs

he will probably get off the stair but it is your job to keep putting him back on so you have won and succeded after he has done his time.

Say why u put him there, then ask 4 an apology. (eye level).

As well as punnishment remember to praise him e.g well done 4 helping me clear the table you can put a sticker on ure sticcker chart.

Answer 10

You simply have to set boundaries, and then live with the consequences. If the kids know that you are Fun Dad up to this point, but any further means returning home and sitting in their rooms, maybe they will learn to respect that.

You also have to know that boys of that age have pretty short attention spans, and probably tons of energy. Engage them in fun games that use a lot of physical energy (explain the rules first -- and make sure there aren't a ton of rules). Foam bats or swords or pillow fights, maybe? Wrestling?

Unless your friends are really child-friendly, I wouldn't visit them with your youngsters. Do something the kids want to do, and save your visiting for other weekends.

You shouldn't have to shout (or god forbid, hit or kick) to get them to do what you want -- but you're also three against one, so it's really important to plan to do things that everyone will want to do.

And don't discount the fun of just hanging out and TALKING. Ask them what they are doing at school, and what they want to be doing.

Oh, and one more tip: try to control the amount of sugar and artificially colored foods they eat. Make sure they get a proper amount of rest, and a proper amount of exercise. Make sure you listen to what they are saying, and that they are listening to what you are saying.

Good luck!

Answer 11

watch the Nanny 911 show on television. they have very good ways for parenting advice. Your boys are old enough to be able to follow established rules and if they don't then they get a pre-determined punishment. So list out simple rules for them to follow and tell them that if they don't follow the rules then they will get a punishment (ex. time-out, toys taken away, ect)...and follow through with the punishment. It can be exhausting at first, but they will eventually catch on that they can't walk all over dad... He is the boss.

Also it might help to reason with them and explain your reasoning why they can't do "bad" things.

Answer 12

stop trying to be a fun dad, and be a good dad. you and your kids will still have heaps of fun but you need to enforce that you are the dad, and they are the kids. naughty corners and reward systems are good and make sure you watch what they eat. it might be sugar or food dyes making them hyper.

Answer 13

this is a hard one its very difficalt for yourself and your boys because they r still getting used to u not being at home with them put yourself in there shoes think how u would have felt if it was ur folks and if u have experianced it think back.

you must be firm but fair you dont need to shout to be firm or smack just tell them before you go out anywhere i that if they mis behave or dont listern to u then u will bring them back (carry it out if u have to)when u disapline ur child come down to there level dont tower over them that will just intermidat and frighten them respect is what your after

say if you be good on way back i will treat u to sweets or an ice lolly (dont promise and not give and dont give if they play up its not good to reward a naughty child) ask them what they want to do then they might not get bored  visiting friends and family is great but kids want to spend time with u not everyone else carry out some punishments when needed like ok you cant listern to me now go sit on that chair /step and dont move for 5 minutes or min of each childs age(5,6,7 minuts)  be strong coz they are just trying to push you to see what they can get away with my kids try it with me when their dad is at work also dont spoil them and do what mum does if there are rules that she gives stick to them because tis just the kids that get confused and caught in the cross fire

i wish you the best of luck with working this one through

i have been a single parent for a little while i know how tough it can be x

Answer 14

Shouting won't help.  Follow the link for some advice on this matter.  Good Luck!