Parenting issue......?

Question

This is a question I asked about 57 minutes ago. It is no longer an "urgent" issue -but I would like some more feedback. Make sure to rate other's comments so I can get a better idea of what everyone thinks...Thank you all so very , very much!

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080719141649AAgZJrB&r=w

Answer 1

i would tell him the story of the boy who cried wolf in a few more days and today i would make a chart and let him come up with a reward if he doesnt lie in a whole week and you diside the punishment if he does lie i would recomend a spanking session for at least 20 minutes and dont say anything durning that time just let the sound of the spanking be the only sound

Answer 2

I think the story of the boy who cried wolf is too old and cliched. However, teaching through anecdotes is always effective.

Maybe you can tell him a story like this. There was a boy who liked to jump into the swimming pool and pretend that he was drowning. Each time, the lifeguards would rush to his aid, and he would laugh at them for believing his trick.

One day, he fell into the pool by accident, and really was drowning. He cried out for help, but everyone thought he was joking around again, so no one came to his assistance.

Your son may be caught up in the plot of the story, but make sure he sees the underlying theme. If people lie too much, it destroys their credibility.

Answer 3

That is a tough one- one of my daughters would lie about what time the sun came up if she thought it would benifit her in any way.  The older she got the more she lied didn't matter if we had solid proof of the lie she would try to convince us we were mistaken i.e. letters she wrote to a MAN when she was 16 we had possession of the letters in our hands in her hand writting but she had no idea what we were talking about.  The lies get worse the wrong doings get worse.  And would lie without blinking.  I think you need to get him to a counselor - I think eventually they get so good at it they actually believe themselves.  In my case I believe that she has NPD and getting help was the only thing we did not try for her issues.  It gets to the point where you question every little thing and then you don't believe a word that comes out of their mouth. At some point a child growing into an adult has to take responsibility for their actions and stop blaming others as a way out or denying what they have done.  Believe me if they don't learn those traits they turned into really mess up adults and then you have no hopes of fixing them.

Answer 4

Have you told him that you can't back him up if you can't believe him.   There will come a time in his life when someone will accuse him to doing something wrong (school usually) and you won't be able to help him.  Try explaining again that lying errodes faith in the person that is doing the lying.  

It seems like you are doing a good job, just don't give up.

Answer 5

So you bullied him into telling you the truth, then you punished him anyway? No wonder he keeps lying!

You've basically created a situation where no matter what he does, he gets in trouble. He tells the truth, he gets swatted, he lies, he gets swatted. At this point he probably figures if he can convince you of the "truth" by lying, he can avoid punishment altogether.

Frankly, you're making the situation worse each time you punish him AFTER he tells you the truth.

EDIT:

You said in the other thread:

"He should be able to trust that I am a sensible adult and that his punishement will be fair for anything he has done and real unpleasant if he lies."

Why on earth should he trust you simply because you're the adult? You need to earn his trust, because you clearly don't have it. Punishing him for tell the truth is not the way to do that.

If he is "cutting corners" then explain WHY he needs to do it the way you want it done. If he's a smart kid, he'll understand and follow. Demanding that he do a chore, then punishing him for the way he did it is like torture! Why would he ever do a chore again?

What if you had a boss who told you to do something, then when you did it docked your pay and then hit you? Would you keep doing stuff for the guy?

And as for your "big punishment vs. little punishment" theory...seriously, no matter what he does he gets punished so why would he bother doing it right? He might as well do it quickly and move on to things that are more fun because either way he gets swatted.