Parenting stress.. help..?

Question

Hi

I have a 4 years old and a soon to be 3yrs old. My 4 yrs old has been having nightmares. I think this is related to a major surgery he had recently. Poor little guy. The nightmare is almost every night and involves a wolf eating him. I gave him a small bat so the outcome of the nightmare changes. I can tell he now feels empowered.

My oldest is an ideal child. The only thing with him is that when he gets home from school he is very grumpy and tired. He goes to school full days.

My real little boy came after. lol.. He argues about everything with me. He butts heads with me whenever he can. This is sometimes so frustrating. I am a stay at home mom. He is a little angel around others. He yells at me. Can anyone relate or have suggestions?

Answer 1

he is using you as an object to release his stress. You need to be stern with him and also listen to whatever might be bothering him

Answer 2

IT CALLED DICIPLENE OR WOOP THAT *** K I KNOW IT IS HARD TO DO THAT BUT DONT SPOIL UR CHILD THAT MUCH CMOM

Answer 3

i can only help to the nightmares. Not to be cliche but do this:

when he goes to bed, right as he is falling asleep, tell him that you are right here and say a little prayer for him not to have nightmares.

I don't know if you believe in past lives, but chances are, night terrors are from a past life and chances are that is what happened to him way back when. That is why people have fears of water, heights, dark, bugs, bridges, etc with no explanation because they never had any trauma with height, water, the dark, etc.  In the prayer say "whatever you experienced in your past life is not happening now and for the night terrors to stop, Amen"

do that about 10 times (once a night) and they will stop. Prayer never hurts.

Answer 4

Good job on the nightmares! My son has post-traumatic stress disorder, and he has struggled with nightmares for about five years now. We worked on the empowerment, but he hasn't been able to beat it yet. I may try the baseball bat idea.

Your littlest guy is pushing you. He's testing you to see where his boundaries lie, boundaries he needs in order to feel secure. He has a personality that pushes the envelope to see how much he can get away with and how close he can come to breaking the rules before he experiences negative consequences. It's not necessarily a reflection on you.

My son pushes the boundaries, too, and it's very much my fault because I haven't consistently enforced the rules. I think his behavior is a combination of his nature and my inconsistency. I'm paying a high price for it now, so make sure you don't give in.

A good approach is to have a set consequence for each time he misbehaves. Explain this to him for a couple of days, telling him exactly what will happen when he is disrespectful or disobedient, and telling him which day this will start--for example, in two days. Maybe mark the day on a calendar and refer him to it until that day comes. Then make sure the consequence is enforced every time he misbehaves. Again, consistency is the key.

Obviously I'm not the perfect disciplinarian, but when I do what I've described above, things go much more smoothly.

Good luck! :)

Answer 5

Every child is different...some are easy, some are hard, some are quiet, some are loud...

Now for your 4 year old....1, I would think that all day school is a bit much for his age.  Where do you live?  Is this pre-school?  I know in the State of Texas pre-kindergarten is only open 1/2 a day and is for 5 year olds or young 6 year olds.  1/2 a day is enough for a small child.  I think you may want to reconsider all that education at such a young age, especially since your a stay at home mom, he should be with you all day and maybe once or twice a week at a mother's day out type program.  I just think you may be stressing him out without you or he realizing it.  There will be plenty of school time in the years to come.  It is this exhaustion that is probably propitiating the nightmares.  Which that soon should go away with time and with how you handled it giving him the power to conquer his fears.

Now the 3 year old - he is just different and needs different reactions from you then the 4 year old.  You have to learn how to style discipline differently between the boys.  That and he does need discipline - make sure he knows he is going in time out when he yells at you.  You have to show him your his boss, not the other way around.  Right now he knows he has you wrapped around his finger and yes even a little tot will learn the art of this and use it to his full advantage.  So only time and constant fulfillment of discipline will solve this problem.

Just remember everyone is unique and different, even brothers and sisters.  Good luck.

Oh also don't be to hard on yourself, kids don't come with manuals and if your terror child is good when with others then at least you can be assured he does know his manners he just knows he doesn't have to use them with u.

Answer 6

well you can bear with it until matruinty or start bing strick

Answer 7

Children need to know their boundaries...they thrive on the security and they need to know that your in charge and that they can depend on you...That means that you need to be able to discipline them when required and NOT overturn your rules because you feel that your being too harsh. (Frankly) A child that treats his mother like c**p has only his parents to blame for his misbehavior. Be strong and desicive, and be a mother....not a friend to them! Your children will fall in line in a short amount of time and will be much more happy with themselves and you (watch the "Super Nanny" and like shows for specific ideas)