Parenting with RAD?

Question

We read a bulletin the other day on a young girl who has some pretty obvious signs of RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). Normally, these cases are an automatic "no" for my husband and I. We have worked with kids who have RAD, we know what it's like, and we don't feel that our family is a good choice for a child with RAD. However, when I read this girl's bulletin, I thought, "we can handle this". Because of her specific situation, and some of the things I read, I think we could be a good family for her.

My question is, what should we think about if we get the call to go to committee for this girl? How should we make the decision of whether to adopt her, if we are given that opportunity? We're pretty well versed in RAD, but I guess we want to know how can we tell if THIS girl would do well in our family?

Answer 1

In my profession, I've worked with many children with Reactive Attachment Disorder.  This has been experience working on an inpatient child and adolescent psychiatric unit.  The full blown RAD children are very, very tough to parent.  If you think your family can "handle it", then make sure you have your resources lined up.

Edit: Granted, I was seeing the most severe cases at their worst.

Answer 2

Well good luck wtih it.  I had a child with RAD fostering, and um, well some pretty intense stuff happened, not the least was the knives thrown at us.  I feel for these children, but if you know they are diagnosed with RAD then you have to decide for yourself and what you can handle.  The worst thing an PAP can do is take on more than they can handle.  Working with children with RAD on a daily basis and parenting them are two different things.

Good question though.

Answer 3

I think you would be perfect parents for this girl. You both have the experience, the training & the love. More importantly, I know that from your answers, you already know how important it is that once you are involved with this girl that you don't give up on her & toss her back to the system.

I was diagnosed with an attachment disorder when I was a teen, no suprise after what I had experienced. But I can honestly say that I never experienced the extreme violence that from what I've read seems to be the norm from children with RAD. You don't know until you get fully into it if that could be the case with this girl too.

Answer 4

as an adult adoptee, i had the opportunity to take a RAD class with some PAP's.

i learned a lot, too.

RAD, which i believe i have, is a very weird thing.

"eff-you" is a constant thought.  "don't push me" is another.  "why on earth would/should i trust you?" is one more.

honestly, gaia, it has taken me until this, my 39th year, to finally allow someone to get minutely close.

i can't speak for your family, but i will say this:

if you are remotely concerned, even after your continued attempts to learn different behaviors, please be aware and go with your gut.

if you have the slightest doubt, please don't do it.

doubts are realities screaming at us.

you are a smart woman, gaia.  trust yourself.  i already know you know what to do!!!

Answer 5

Friends of ours adopted a child who was recently diagnosed with RAD.  It seems that some cases are more severe than others but trying to obtain the appropriate help for the child is sometimes difficult (as my friends are quickly discovering).  

I will say this - although it doesn't have to do with RAD specifically.  When we were adopting, we learned that our son has a life-threatening genetic disorder.  I was terrified.  I didn't know if we could be good parents to this child but once I learned more about it, I had the same thought as you "we can do this".  For us, it was the best decision we ever made.  There are difficult days but the good days certainly outweigh the bad ones.  I know RAD is different and cause other concerns, but I guess what I'm saying is "trust your heart".  I truly believe everything happens for a reason.  If you feel that you can do this, and you are called as a potential family, at least look into it.  

Good luck to you!

Answer 6

I ADOPTED MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER AGE 5 NOT KNOWING SHE HAD RAD. SHE HAD A WONDERFUL HONNYMOON PERIOD OF ABOUT A YEAR. AFTER THAT IT WAS PURE h**l. SHE TRIED TO POISON OUR PETS DURING THE NIGHT AND ALSO MOLESTED HER SIBLINGS. SHE SEEMED SO PERFECT AND SWEET BUT WAS ACTUALLY FULL OF RAGE. THE MORE I TRIED TO GET CLOSE TO HER THE MORE AGGRESSIVE SHE BECAME. SHE DISTROYED OUR BELONGINGS AND PEED AND POOPED ON OUR FURNITURE . ALL DURING THE NIGHT. SHE SEEMED TO BE VERY LOVING IN PUBLIC BUT WAS THE OPPOSITE WHEN WE WERE HOME ALONE. ALARMS DID NOT WORK WITH HER AT NIGHT. AFTER 4 YEARS SHE IS NOW IN A RESIDENTIAL TREATMENT FACILITY.

JUST BE SURE YOU'RE WILLING TO GIVE UP YOUR LIFE AND YOUR HUSBAND .

IF SHE DOES HAVE RAD MOST LIKELY YOUR MARRAGE WONT LAST.

I'M SORRY BUT YOU MUST HEAR THE TRUTH.

MANY,MANY PARENTS ARE ARRESTED AND IN PRISON DUE TO TRYING TO PARENT A CHILD WITH RAD.