Parents, I need some advice please. Am I over thinking or should I just go with the flow and see what happens

Question

I am a single parent of a great little guy who will be four this month. I have an Associates degree and am going back for my Bachelors but that is where the problem lies. I was born in poverty, live in poverty, and will most likely die in poverty, and that is okay with me but I don't want that for him. I want to move to a smaller community (under 50,000) and one where Spanish is not the primary language. No offense meant but the schools here are dual immersion and produce kids that can barely read (the "poor" schools at least). I want better for him. Since he was born I have pretty much lost all confidence in myself since I am now responsible for someone elses life. It is a huge weight. I am 33 right now and will be 35 or 36 when I finish school. I want a job that will pay at least 35,000 so that I can buy a home but I can't find any jobs that will pay that. Which is why I am going back to school. I don't want to mess up with him and make him pay for my mistakes. I don't know what career to choose, what major to choose, where to move to, how to fix this, and NOT MESS UP. I was looking at memberships for the YMCA and that is now over 600 a year. I can't afford that on min wage. I've never made more than 11,000 a year and I really want a better life for him. Sometimes I just feel like giving up and finding him a good home that can give him the life he deserves, but then that makes me feel worse. The career center at the school just offers career tests which always points to the hard sciences. Right now I am in the Family and Human Development program which is really easy and really boring. What to do? Am I overthinking everything or am I doomed to have him pay for my mistakes?

Answer 1

Get an office job they usually pay more and many times have room for advancement.  You can work your way up.  You can do schooling through the University of Phoenix.  It is a bit more pricey but is not the traditional classroom schedule.  You work the schooling into your schedule rather than working your schedule around your schooling.  

The office staff at my office starts at $10.00/hour.

Really look into that sort of job- even if it is not 35k right now- it will be more than what you are making now.  You can gain some valuable experience and either advance with the company or find a better job somewhere else.  Just make sure you stay at each job for 18 months or so.  That way you don't look unreliable, like you constantly change jobs.  

Answer 2

You are total normal and I think that all single moms go through a stage in their lives where they question if what they can give to there kids is enough.  Just know that the child you are raising doesn't care how much you give to him but needs the love and attention more than anything.  Get out of the depression and keep up the positive attitude and better yourself as you can.  It may not be immediately but it will happen. You will probably not be by yourself forever and that will help with your finances and being able to get into a different area for your child.

Answer 3

I know this isn't really an answer to your full question, but I used to work for the YMCA and they offer subsidy to people who cannot afford a full-fee membership. They also have various employment programs that could help you out as well.

Answer 4

He doesn't have to pay for your mistakes. First of all, take a deep breath... and exhale it all out. Secondly, what would be stopping you from up and moving to a smaller community? *real question you should ask yourself if you haven't yet*

Secondly, you MUST believe that you can get better. You must believe that you are better and you are not eternally penalized by whatever actions you've committed in the past. I mean, generally speaking I think. :) I think there is always redemption :)

Ok.... As far as what to major in, what do you have a passion for? Can you apply it in a field that can also provide for you and your son?

If not, then this is something to consider.... look at where society is moving (world wide), and fields that are only growing. Like... technology is only moving, it's probably not going to stop for a long time to come. IT techs get paid more than the average.  

Family & Human development may enable you to work for the County in child services or family services or something like that.

We don't all love what we do for work, and if you find yourself in such a a situation, then go to work and make sure you do what you love on the side. If you love to paint, then buy some canvas, some paint & sit with your son & just ...paint. If you like collecting shells, then make time to go do it. Make the time for these things coz time passes by regardless. As busy as we are, we usually find time to do the things we really want. Isn't that the truth?

Also, read or watch The Secret. Believe in the law of attraction. It is a law of nature just like gravity. Believe & you will achieve. Don't just say you believe it though. Believe it!!!

Every day is a new canvas and you are the painter.

Paint!

Answer 5

aw, first of all relax, you are being a great mom by even thinking about this stuff. Second, I applaud you for going back to school, that is really the BEST thing you can do for yourself and your little guy. I was in much the same situation, and I went back to school, now I make twice what I used to make at a fast food joint. It will take time. The first thing to do is see if you can find a job utilizing your associate's degree while you're working on your bachelor's. Even with just an associate's degree you should be able to find something better than minimum wage. I don't know what to tell you about what to major in because I don't know you or your likes. My only advice is to find something you REALLY enjoy doing, and explore that-if you enjoy something you will most likely not think of it as "work". Your son will be fine, I know it's hard, I was a single mom for a while too, you just have to keep plugging away at it, and it sounds like you are a good mommy so he's already a lot better off than some kids. Kids at that age don't need a lot, just a lot of love. Wait til he's 13 like mine and he wants all the latest fashions and gadgets! But by that time you will be better off financially. Does your college have a career counselor that you can talk to?  In the meantime, look for a better job, and maybe a small apartment someplace nicer. Good luck!

Answer 6

You are a totally normal mom.  My mother was in a very similar situation.  She is from Houston Texas.  Born into poverty.  Single parent.  She decided on a whim to just up and move to Mississippi.  Mississippi is known for things like poverty and lack of education but she did it anyway.  She went back to school when my brother and I were 5.  She found a better paying job and was able to find local agencies that helped with the financial hardship.  I am 25 now and my mother is the owner of a local restaurant chain and a drug store.  She made a way somehow and all of us kids always had everything that we needed.  You really cant go wrong when it comes to continuing your education as long as you dont let it go to waste.  I wish you the best of luck and pray for the best for you and your family.