Parents, What's your opinion on this?

Question

Well I have a two year old, I'm 18 and I like to think I'm a very responsible and good dad to my son. I have sole custody of my son. I take him to a parent and toddler group twice a week so he can play with other children his age. One of the topics that can up was physical punishment, I won't hit my son because I don't believe in it but one of the other parents said that I can't really have an opinion on it because I'm not old enough to be a “proper” parent. Do you agree.? Does age really determine whether you're a good parent or not?

Personally I don't think it does, it's the maturity of the parent and their behaviour. My son is very well behaved, and I love him, I provide for him and he's a happy healthy two year old. I'm very proud of him and he's my number one priority. I may not be going out with my friends at the weekend like other 18 year olds but I don't care, I'd much rather spend the night giving my son his bath and reading him a bedtime story. I may not know everything and believe when my son arrived it was a huge learning curve and I'm still learning new things everyday but can age really affect that? What do you think?

Answer 1

I think that age has nothing to do with it.

If you have the experience of raising a child (and you have) then you have the right to an opinion.

These people who say these things are just egotists.

Answer 2

I'm not a parent but I liked your story...You sound like a brilliant very mature parent. Being only 19 myself it really annoys me when people think that all 18-19 year olds are immature drunkards who do nothing but get frunk and do drugs. I don't do that and I actually hate doing it. If you and others around you think you're a good parent, which it seems you are don't worry about what others say to you. They're just narrow minded and ignorant. If you're son was a terrible child and was always a nuisance in the class then they might have a case but it sounds like he's a normal, if not polite, child. I don't believe in smacking children either, and nor did my parents. If your child NEEDS smacking, you're doing something wrong. A simple "don't do that it's not very nice" should stop the bad behaviour. This other parent sounds like a bit of an idiot!

Answer 3

first of all - Congratulations on being an extremely mature and caring parent to your son.

There are no rules that state you have to be a certain age, or in a certain situation to make a good parent.  There are many children in this world who have parents who are older than you, earn pots of money but abuse the c**p out of their kids.

no child comes with an instruction manual, but it sounds to me that you are on the ball completely and are doing your best - that is all your child can ask of you.

hugs xx

Answer 4

you just cant pay attention to some  people, i dont know how she figures it is so different for you to raise a kid then it is for her just because shes older. just brush the nastiness off, shes just one of those  "look down your nose" to make yourself feel better types. i bet if you had agree with her, you would have been a "proper parent"

Answer 5

I think the parent who made that comment was out of line. You have probably already spent more time with your child than some of my male relatives will spend with their children in the child's childhood, because they work and travel all the time then send them to boarding school when they're teenagers.

You're right -- it's maturity and priorities rather than age. I know a woman who adopted four children in her late 30s with her husband. Now in her early fifties and divorced, she's lost interest in parenting and basically leaves the kids, now teenagers, to their own devices. She always was more focused on keeping a man in her life than on the children anyway.

Answer 6

Hi Double T,

I'm a parent of 40, with a 2 and a 4 year old.

Firstly, whoever told you that age comes into good parenting is talking complete garbage. In fact, you're d**n right not to believe in hitting your kids. Hitting is a sign that a parent has lost control - so it's them, not you, who needs to think about what they're doing. Hitting also teaches kids by example that that kind of behaviour is acceptable. It's as simple as that.

Like you, our kids are well behaved, and we don't have to hit them. There's no substitute for good, positive parenting.

Secondly, I think you might be victim of the male-female thing, as well as age. I've been on the receiving end of this a few times, with some women automatically assuming that I'm a bad parent because I'm male. I've seen awful mothers and awful fathers of all ages. If you're a bad parent, you're a bad parent.

Anyway, it sounds like you're doing a fantastic job and being a great dad. Keep it up, but remember to go out and have a good time once in a while!

Answer 7

No I don't believe age has anything to do with it,as far as I'm concerned you are a good parent, I say this because normally an 18 year old is out at parties hanging with friends etc, it is and was your choice to make, to be a typical 18 year old or to be a father and a dad you chose to be a dad and a father which I believe you are doing the best of your ability don't let anyone tell you any differently.

Answer 8

I think you sound quite mature for your age. I know lots of young parents who are doing a great job with their kids. I don't think age matters as to whether you can be a good parent or not. Older people don't have all the answers either. I'm learning everyday with my kids too and I've got 10 years on you. If you don't feel comfortable about something then don't do it and don't be pressured by other people. He's your son and you know how to get the best out of him.

Good for you for accepting your responsibilities.

Answer 9

You sound like you are doing a fine job with your son - there are many men who take far less interest in their children that you are.  You should be proud of yourself.

I disagree with the person who told you that, the ability to be a good parent does not solely rest on the age of the person, it is decided by many factors, including the desire to be a good parent and the parenting that you yourself received, how much you have read on the subject etc.

Ignore the person who told you that you can't be a proper parent - you give me hope for the next generation of parents!

Your son is a lucky little boy!

Answer 10

I personally don't think that age determines whether you are a good parent or not. It sounds like you love and care for your son a lot, which is wonderful. There are a lot of people who are what is considered the 'proper' age to have children who definitely do not look after their kids as well as you say you do.

So really, whether you are a good parent or not depends on your actions and maturity level, not your age. The other parent who made that comment to you has a low maturity level, they should have realized that even the fact that you bring your son to a toddler group to socialize him shows a high level of maturity on your behalf.

Congratulations on being so mature and providing for your son. You should be proud of what you have accomplished, looking after a child is a big job. Good luck for the future=)

Answer 11

ok firstly let me say age has nothing to do with responsible parenting, and if she was any kind of parent she would not have that attitude, however that is the general thinking, its upto you to prove them wrong, but saying that i found with my kids it was not a matter of saying you wont hit your child, one example is if they are going to do something like go near a heater repeatedly, a slap on the wrist will upset them but will also let them know you are serious, i found it is more about setting boundaries and not giving false promises or threats, like if you do that again you wont have any diner, then giving them diner if you get my drift, if you say something follow it up, and follow thru with any threats you issue..... good luck and keep up the good work, for the next 5 decades lol

Answer 12

you sound like ur doing a gr8 job as a dad im 17 and 32 weeks pregnant and my babys dad is 18 almost 19 and his friends have come before me and i dont think thats going to change and i can say one thing theres lots of us young girls out there who would luv to be able to have some1 like u to be there for baby.

Answer 13

I think it is a breathe of fresh air, reading about somebody as responsible and caring as you. I would like to cogratulate you for your commitment to your son and think you are a good example to many parents. the parent who made this comment to you, i feel is irresponsible and ignorant. Just ignore the comment and continue the excellent job that you are doing, your son is what matters here not other peoples hang ups. Good luck and keep up the good work xx

Answer 14

There is no right or wrong way to parent everybody believes in different ways, and age has nothing to do with it

and to be honest your 18 and doing that you should be really proud of yourself, you sound like an amazing dad, and not many 18 year olds would do that so well done!

You give teen parents a good name

Answer 15

I was also 16 when I had my daughter and chose to be a good parent.  Don't let the haters keep you down.  It took me many years to overcome their negativity.  People still say rude comments around me, not realizing now how young I was when I had my daughter.  My daughter is now 11, she sees me stand up for myself and it is important to show them that you have the confidence to stand up to 'these people'.

Keep up the good parenting, the rewards are endless.

Answer 16

fair play to you, i take my hat off to hear that a young dad like u would rather stay home and be a dad. there no right or wrong answer to being a parent. by the sound of it, if he is as good as u say then u dont really need to be harsh on him if he is slighty naughter. but when he has his off days when he is naughter u could try doing sticker charts with him, my kids loved that. but it sounds like ur doing a great job. dont let people tell u how to punish him, he is ur son, no one elses.  

Answer 17

sounds to me like your doing a fantastic job in raising your son, keep doing your best and keep enjoying him ( trust me they grow up too quickly) and ignore the idiot that told you your too young for an opinion its a load of cr*p

good luck xx

Answer 18

Wow what a naive person!

Yes there are bad teen parents but there are also HORRIBLE adult parents, does that mean all parents are bad? NO!

Its all thanks to the media and them only portraying teens as horrible parents when there are some really good ones out there, ones that are better then most!

Its great that you have sole custody and are taking responsibility for your child, that shows how much of a better person you are then a lot of adult males who just up and leave their children!!!

Keep doing what you are doing, you are mature and love your son, No one has the right to tell you, you are a bad parent because you are 18.

Look at all the 'adult' parents who abuse their kids or neglect them!

Answer 19

I think that person probably meant that you havent learnt from life yet, as you grow older (even from 18-25) you learn so much, and this can then be passed onto children and guide you on how you should bring up a child.  They probably just meant that you dont have this experience yet, so cant make a proper decision about certain things as you have no life experience.

However, I think that you are mature and you seem to want the best for your child, and thats really good.  Some people at your age, would put their own lives first and this is why children shouldn't have children.

Anyway, on the side of physical punishment, i do believe that children dont know what NO is from a young age, and need the physical pain for it to go into their brains.. once they know that NO means pain, they are less likely to be naughty.

Answer 20

You age doesn't have anything to do with being a good parent, and physical punishment is no where near good parenting skills. but you have to think for the older generation, that was a way of punishing, so it may be in them but you DON'T have to do it..

If you have a child, it will always do things wrong, or get into something or not have the right answer back, they are learning just like you. If your child is healthy and well taken care of, and brought to socialize with other children as well as a good education. and you read to him. You are doing great.. Older people just are not used to seeing us young parents, what they don't realize is that their parents were as young as we are now, in that generation...  

Answer 21

To be perfectly frank with you, I feel that MOST teenagers are not mature or responsible (mentally, financially, etc.) to be good parents.  And that would include myself at 16.  However, you sound like the exception.  That person's comment was extremely rude and uncalled for.  If you have a child that is two years old, you obviously have experience with this whole parenting thing (and it sounds like you are doing a terrific job!) and age is irrelevant.  Age alone does not determine whether or not you are a good parent.

Having a baby is a huge learning curve for all of us, regardless of our age!  My hubby and I had our first baby last March, I was 35 and he was 36 and believe me, we had a learning curve!  NO parent knows everything, even if they appear to.

Also, whether or not you choose to "spank" does not make you a good or bad parent either.  Personally, I agree 100% with you and I am extremely anti-spanking and I feel very strongly that it is a completely ineffective method of discipline.  

That parent needs a kick in the butt!

Answer 22

I think you sound like a very mature 18 year old and sound like you are a very very good father.

I think if you don't believe in physical punishment then you shouldn't do it however you may need it when he grows up but then again you may not.

And as for the person who said your not old enough to be a real parent they are wrong

good Luck

Answer 23

no. it really depends on how good you take care for your son. and as what i red , i think you are a good parent.

Just dont listen of what they say. just follow what is needed to do.

good luck

Answer 24

I think with the right attitude you can be a great parent at 18 or 38. Well done you, sounds like you've got your priorities straight!!!!

Answer 25

I think the parents that said that need to look at their own parenting skills and keep their opinions of your to themselves as it sound like you are doing a fantastic job.  An of course you can have an opinion on punishment you have a child.

Answer 26

To be honest with you, you really do give teen parents a good name. And i'm sorry but what exactly does this other parent think a 'proper parent' is? Is she saying that it's ok for you to hit your children what you are a certain age? You sound like an excellent parent and to be honest, what does it matter about your age? Your providing for you child aren't you? Your taking care of it, feeding, clothing, entertaining it? Helping it develop? Exactly.

You sound very mature and i've no doubt that your a great parent. It shouldn't matter especially not to anyone else - about you age. This other parents, not that its any of her bussiness anyway, should be more concerned with how well the child is developing.

I wouldn't listen to anybody else. You know that you are a good parent and your self belief is what's producing your child to grow up well.

Keep up the good work and ignore anyone that tells you different. They've probably got problems of their one. For all you know, this parent has previously hit her child and does not like anyone stating that this is wrong because she feels guilty and like a failed parent. This is more than likely while she tried to make you feel like a bad parent too. As i said, keep doing what you do because you know how good a parent you are. :)

Answer 27

You silly sod, you just answered your own question.  You are a fantastic parent doesn't matter how old you are.  Although you can't say to someone how to raise their child, as you would feel annoyed if someone told you how to raise your son.  The truth is you are entitled to your own opinion, but nobody 'has' to listen to you but you can shout from the highest mountain if you wish... But nobody has to listen to you.

Answer 28

you sound like a great dad to me and he is a very lucky little boy. Ignore these other parents you are doing a wonderful job.

Answer 29

you learn as you go,and all parents deal with things in a diffrent way

,just because you are young dosen;t mean you are wrong .or right

Answer 30

That was a response from a person that hits their kid and decided to attack you on your stance simply because parent's who lash out at other people, usually lash out at their children, and defend it with bs.    You are very mature and this parent, despite the older age, could learn from you!!!  Good luck and congrats on you son!!  

Answer 31

Just keep on loving your son ,and if your light is anoying people keep on shining.If you have a child then your a parent ,but you could be a bad one or a good one .We choose ..............