Parents, have you ever had trouble feeling love for your child?

Question

My kid gets on my nerves all the time. He is really selfish, annoying, and not all that smart(he's 4). How can I start to feel positive feelings about him?

Answer 1

First off, as disturbing as it is to me, I respect your honesty.  And to answer your question, no, I have never had trouble feeling love for my son, ever.

My son has given me my share of h**l, and it's not pretty.  But the love I do have for him has helped get through those tough times (and the MANY more that I'm sure are to come) by having patience, understanding, discipline, respect and LOVE.

Of course your son is selfish and annoying, most children are. h**l, there's a world full of adults like that.  But it is up to you as his mother to instill in your child the character that does lie within him and needs to be let out.  You should guide him through these tough times and CHALLENGE yourself while your doing this.  

Take it as a learning process not only for your son, but for you as well.  There is no harder job in the world than being a GOOD parent.  Being a bad parent is easy. But this is a challenge you should welcome with open arms and when you give it a try and conquer it, you will feel so much better about the situation.



And you will have that more experience for the next situation that will arise.

Please do not take your child for granted.  A lot of people may be guilty of this, but don't be one of them.

Patience is key to being a really good, productive parent.

You have to understand him more as well.  Exactly how smart do you really expect a four year old to be?  If you feel he's not up to par with his learning abilities, perhaps you should have a talk with his pediatrician about this.  He may have a learning disability that you are not yet aware of.

I hope this helps you.  It saddens me that you are at a place right now in your heart where you feel this badly about him.

Oh, and one more thing:

Parenting classes may be an immense help and support to you.

I do wish you and your son the best of luck.  Enjoy and love him.  He truly is a miracle.

Answer 2

Your inability to love your son probably doesn't have anything to do with him.  It's a personal emotional issue you yourself need to address through therapy.  Kids are very in tune to their parents' emotions.  You can be sure he feels your distance and lack of affection.  Do the both of you a huge favor and seek counseling.

In the meantime, visit healthy places for your son (like relatives, etc.) where he can receive the love he needs and where you can get a break from parenting from time to time.

Answer 3

I can understand about a child getting on your nerves.  Mine is 2 1/2 so I know.  I just think about people who cant have kids, kids who are abused, or my own experience.  My daughter was born at 23.5 weeks and everyday was a struggle.  We are so lucky that she is here on this earth and without any complications.  That makes me just love on her even more.  I feel nothing but love for my child.

Answer 4

First of all, read up on 4-year-olds. They are all like that, and not because they are spawns of satan. In truth, they have not developed enough mentally to be any other way.

Second, make a journal of the cute things he does, and read it often. It's difficult sometimes to remember the good over the bad, and this can help turn around negative feelings.  

Answer 5

Read "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen - http://positivediscipline.com/ It will help you a lot.