Parents, what would you do about this?

Question

What would you do if you found out your 16 year old daughter is having s*x with her boyfriend? They've been together for about 3 years, and she is on birth control without your knowledge. You know she's mature, and you like her boyfriend well enough. Would you make them be supervised, forbid her to see him, what would you do? Would you be disappointed? And this daughter has not had a religious upbringing at all, so that's not an issue.

Answer 1

well they've been together for awhile, and she's obviously being mature about it if she's on birth control.

You shouldn't forbid them to see each other.

they are going to have s*x regardless, and if you forbid it, she's going to go behind your back, and your relationship with your daughter will drift.

Answer 2

Umm, I don't know how much your daughters point of view is, but I'm 17, my boyfriend and I were about the same. We started having s*x our 3rd year of dating, I was 16, but we used condoms. Don't freak out at her, don't try to force her into something, she will rebel. Know that you cant stop them from having s*x, but you can talk to her about being safe. Ask why she didn't want you to know about the birth control. The important thing is to react calmly to her and listen to what she has to say. At least it's not sneaking out of the house to drink, or get high. Talk to her, make sure she understands the gravity of pregnancy and talk about what would happen if she did get pregnant by accident. Now the important thing is to tell her you trust her to do the right thing, you raised her to the best of your ability and she has to begin to go out in the world and find her own way. The best you can do is be there for her.

Answer 3

I would sit them both down and have a conversation about this. You should include his parent (s).

Answer 4

i would be happy that shes using protection.  there isnt anything you can do about it.  you could forbid her to see her boyfriend, but she will find a way to see him anyway.

Answer 5

i think you need to talk to your husband AND the girl

Answer 6

If this was my daughter (which i have 2), if I knew they were having s*x and being responsible about it like it sounds like this girl is. I would sit her down and talk to her about it just so she knows she can talk to me about it. Make sure she has her facts right about s*x and everything that goes with it. I would not do everything in my power to try to stop it because the fact of the matter is that if u try to stop it they will push harder to do it. Become more sneaky and possibly be less cautious. It sounds like they are being responsible so in that case i would have to make sure that i didnt let it happen around me but other than that let them be. You cant follow her around all day everyday. So dont push her into doing something worse. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

Although 16 is very young but what she's doing is better than an 18yr old going out having a one night stand! She's also proved to you that she is responsible enough to go on contraception, so she is mature!

Being realistic banning her from seeing him or having s*x isn't going to stop her & do you really want them sneaking about having s*x? That could lead to all sorts of trouble! You also will stop her from talking to you about anything in the future!

If I was you I would just say to her that you are disappointed that she didn't talk to you first but your pleased that she is so responsible and that you hope she will feel comfortable to talk to you in the future!

I know I'm not a parent myself but I'm 25 and was brought up in a strict catholic background, I wasn't taught about contraception (no need, because I apparently won't be having s*x outside marriage! lol) and I don't feel as if I could ever talk to my parents about this! I'm sure my mum swears I'm still a virgin!  know my parts have meant well I don't think it is the best approach where as you seem really approachable!

hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 8

I'm a young parent and my kids are only 1 and 3 so I have a while to go, but I can understand you being frustrated, she sounds like she's takin all the precautions which is very rare with teens her age but I think you should just sit down and talk to her and ask her how she feels, she might have been convinced by her boyfriend or trying to keep with the "IN" crowd and what the popular teens are doing right now

Answer 9

As long as she's using protection, she's a good girl, and he's a good guy, let her do what she wants. It's not like anybody is being harmed.

Answer 10

Tell her to stop your her mother....

Answer 11

kids will be kids but i recommend that you prevent them from seeing each other but its up to you

Answer 12

I am not a parent.  But, you have to think about it from her point of view before you make this choice.  She has been dating this boy for three years, which means she actually is more then likely in love with him, she is actually being smart about having s*x, by using birth control.  s*x is a symbol of love between two people and I feel that something that is often overlooked by parents is that s*x for teenagers is not always a bad thing.  You do have the right to be disappointed.  If it really bothers you that much, you can supervise them, but there would be no point to that, they would find a way to do it, and trust me on that one.  Also, I would not say she cannot see her boyfriend, that is actually really cruel.  It seems like they are in a good relationship and you should not take that away from her, especially if you like her boyfriend.  You say she is mature, so sit down and have a one on one conversation with her about and it let her tell you from her perspective on why she had s*x with him.  Go from there and make a logical and fair decision based on what you think is best for her.  It is up to you because she is just a minor and you are her parent, but one thing in my opinion is, definitely do not let them stop seeing each other, you should not mess with true love.  I hope this helps.  Just take a look at it from her point of view.  She needs to understand and think about it from your point of view as well.  No parent likes to hear their kids are having s*x, just have a mature conversation with her and go from there, that is about all you can do.

Answer 13

What's the problem?  She's responsible and mature enough.  Many older and supposedly wiser people can't even stay married for 3 years these days!

Answer 14

I'm not a parent, I'm a teenager actually. I know of this girl who was having s*x with her boyfriend behind her parents back and the boys mom was paying for all of the birth control and everything.

Anyways I'm sure the best thing to do is have a heart-to-heart with her, really sit down and talk to her about it and try to show support that she was being somewhat smart by going on birth control, even though that's probably the last thing you want to do. Don't let her off with just that after doing that behind your back though. Let her know she needs to be honest with you because honesty is one of the main keys to a good mother/father/child relationship. Avoid being negative and judgemental, try to just let her explain everything to you before you start throwing things at her. s*x is one of the hardest things for teens to talk to parents about, and knowing that you're there to talk about will most likely improve your relationship and closeness. Try to stay close to her, but not enough that you're invading every single bit of privacy. You don't want her running off with this boy and ruining her life, and parents that make judgements and use negativity put negative thoughts in teens' heads. The last thing a hormonic teenage girl wants to hear is that she was stupid for doing what she did or that her boyfriend isn't worth it.

Answer 15

If I am the father I will kick that punk in his a__ and make sure he never gets near my daughter again.

Answer 16

I am 19 and am in a serious 4 year relationship... its good to have the story from a teens p.o.v. too. its important to  hear both sided. its been 3 years.. and your daughter has done the right thing and had safe s*x. she doesn't deserve punishment. s*x is a natural thing... it happens. You should NEVER forbid her to stop seeing her boyfriend or she will just hate you. you should be proud, plus you should have expected they were having s*x anyways

Answer 17

she is only 16 and it's ethically WRONG! why would any parent SUPERVISE her daughter, there is plenty of time for s*x for your daughter when she has reached an age appropriate time.  

Answer 18

Personally, if you tell her she cant see him, she will anyway. If you supervise them too much she will make sure she has the time. If she is on birth control and you give her the responsibility of taking care of herself, and keep an eye on her maturity level, I would just supervise from a distance. They have been together for 3 years. What do you expect? I would be supportive. If she feels like she can come to you for advice, she is likely too. If you make her feel uncomfortable about it, she is going to go elsewhere. I would rather my children come to me when anything than go elsewhere. I dont want my daughter being young and sexually active, but that is her choice once she reaches a certain age. If she is mature enough to stay with the same guy for 3 years, I'd say she can handle it.

Answer 19

I'm sorry but wrong is wrong...how old is the b/f? over 18? I would protect my daughter..but it all comes down to the morals the parents instilled from the beginning.  Its already too late for her..so let her go..she is already gone...sorry but that should have come way sooner..like supervision...and at 16 that means she had a boyfriend at 13 when she should have still been playin with barbies...havin slumber parties......someone dropped the ball..

Answer 20

Id tell her to keep using protection.

Answer 21

I'm not a parent but I'm 19 years old and I know younger girls who are in the same position. I would definitely approach the situation to her. You should first off be thankful that she has taken such efforts to be safe and at least wait three years to have s*x. You have to give her credit for that because the situation could be a lot worse. You are always allowed to have your opinion on the matter but your daughter is gonna do what she wants to do regardless. And you even said you know she is mature.

As long as she is taking the initiative to be safe about it. I really don't see a huge problem. She is obviously a very young girl and too young to have s*x but she already is, so what can you do now?

Talk to her and get her input. Good luck!

Answer 22

i would sit her down and explain the consequence about having s*x tell her that you are disappointed if you are but don't take her away from her bf but make sure that they are supervised hope that helps

Answer 23

well i'm 16 and i have s*x with my boyfriend of 1+ year. you know its going on and i'm sorry to say that it'll happen anyway. tell her the consequences of a child and make some decisions that if she does get pregnant that she will be thrown out and no abortions. if you break her and her boyfriend up who knows, she could not talk to you or even hurt herself. think about what you do before you do it.

Answer 24

Okay well the same thing happened to me when I was 13 (I am now 26)

My boyfriend's mother listened in on our conversation on the phone because I was speaking of renewing my birth control because he had my prescription. I went behind my mother's back to get the birth control (pill) because I knew she would never let me see my boyfriend again. I was stupid for having s*x at that age, but I was very safe and did not end up pregnant. Condoms and the pill were used. Anyways, my boyfriend's mom went completely crazy and forbid him to see me. To make the story a lot better, all this happened on christmas eve night. He was 15 by the way. It was just terrible. She would always call my mom and harass my mom and tell her that she raised such a tramp trashy child and she actually went to the extremes and called my friends to trash talk me. She ruined me and Jesse's relationship for a good 4, 5 months until his step dad finally stepped in and made a rule that we could see each other for a day. Gradually it got better, but very slowly. We decided to date again when I was 14 and he was 16. We stayed together for a good 3 years, broke up, and then got back together. It always haunts me and still haunts me to this day seeing as how Jesse and I got married 3 years ago. His mother wasn't invited to the wedding because she told her husband that she went she would kill me. She has never seen her grandchildren because she claims she would drown them. Besides the point, all because she got so heated up she ruined her relationship with her son. Thinking of her makes my tremble because she digests me. All it took was a calm talk and she turned it into a living h**l. Sure I learned my lesson and didn't have s*x again until I was married, but still. I can't even celebrate christmas.

My point in my story is not to be the bad person. That will make things worse for you, your daughter and her relationship. Don't be the enemy, just talk to them. That's all it takes. Take it from a person who's been there. Supervise them as much as you would like and give them rules to follow. And if they decide to still be sexually active give them the knowledge they need to know. They might know about pregnancies and std's but when it comes from a parent rather than the tv or a teacher, it's put in the brain a little more.

I wish you the best of luck with this situation. I also apologize on how messy my writing was.

Answer 25

well, I personally would let her as long as it is protected. This might sound bad, and you might desagree, but if you do it's your daughter not mine. But if you like the boy well enough and if you think he is responsible, then i would let them. They have been dating for 3 years and you said she is responsible and mature. So I would let her just as long as it doesn't get out of hand. I am a religious person, so I wouldn't, but if you are not religious, then I would let her. Because even if it is hard to let your little girl go, you can't make her choices for her. (but it is a sin to have s*x before maraige) but since you dont care about that I would only talk to her about protection. good luck!!!!

Answer 26

Oh boy. I would freak! This is such a dreaded situation for any of us with a 16-year-old daughter. I whole heartedly feel for you.

When do we let them make decisions like this without "butting in?" I would be hurt that she didn't come to me and be upfront about the whole deal. But then, when we had s*x for the first time, we didn't tell our parents (at least I didn't and I was a "good" kid).

I would accept the fact that it's happened, it will most likely continue to happen, and at least she's taking precautions. And it sounds like the guy is okay. No way can you forbid her from seeing him at this point.

I guess I would sit down and discuss the situation with her, if you feel it's going to clear communication between you two. Let her know you support her but you're concerned about her actions but will love her no matter what. Good luck to you.

Answer 27

i would be sad my daughter isn't a baby anymore. but glad she is responsible enough to use birth control and condoms for std's.