Parents 10 points for you...Do you compare your children to your friends' children?

Question

My dad always compares me to his friends' children. I am 23 years old and have Master's degree. He helped me pay for my undergrad degree. I got a scholarship for my grad degree. I always appreciate his kindness.

I am a recent graduate and seeking for a career. Since I have Master's degree and bilingual, my dad expects me to make 3X more than other people my age. He said, his friend child makes $$$ and she does not even have Master's degree.

It hurt to be under so much pressure. Of course, I don't want to let my dad down. Of course, I want to get a good job and make decent income.

Answer 1

I think to some extent that we all compare our children to others, but not necessarily in the way that you are describing.  I wonder if my kids are mature or immature for their age.  I thank God my kids don't talk to me like that other kid--and God help them if they do! lol  

You should talk to your dad tho and tell him how you feel.  It can be very stressful to have a parent expect so much from you.  What if you wanted to work probono for children's rights or something?  Would that make up the difference for him?

Answer 2

Sometime the comparing is normal, but it doesnt mean it should be done...I dont compare my child to other children because most of her behaviors are things that I have to do with...like if I dont discipline her obviously shes not gonna listen...kids tend to act depending on how they are treated so we as parent have to take responsability...well I see why u feel pressured...u should sit down and have a talk with him and let him know how u feel...parents can surprise us sometimes.

Answer 3

no

Answer 4

My mom did to me. My cousin a year younger than me is really smart. Straight A's all the clubs in school etc.  She was allways saying things like you are just as smart as him why don't you bring home grades like that.  

Answer 5

I only have 1 friend that has a child.  It is so easy to compare my children to her child... because her child is SOO bad.  Now she has taught her daughter to be bad, she does not dicipline her. So little Hannah is such a brat because of her mom.  So It is so easy to look at my children being so well behaved and look at her child being a holy terror.  In public it gets quite embarassing - which is why I quit going into public with her and her daughter.  Maybe its more of me comparing my parenting skills to hers - or the LACK OF HERS.  But I think all parents compare their kids to others.  We like to know that our children are on the right track, same level as other kids their age.  Its easier to compare to children less adequate than that of our own.  

Answer 6

Never.  I never judge my children against others.  They are who they are. I just want the best for them, but I would never put my kids through the mental anguish that you have obviously been through/are currently in/and if you don't start living for yourself, going to be going through for quite a while.  I know you love your parents, but you are old enough to start doing things for your self.  If not, you are going to be in a world of hurt when it comes to relationships, friendships, and work places.  Live for your self, and tell your dad, with out being disrespectful, to please back off.

Answer 7

my dad always compared me to his friend's kids

i was tried of it

now my dad brags about my son to his friends

they think he lies cause when he was two we taught him to shake hands and say sir/maam, no thank you, and thanks

everyone thought we was lying until he did it on his own

Answer 8

Hope he is trying to motivate you. With my kids there is no comparison.

They are simply the best. Better then all the rest.