Parents - Did you prefer your kids in their pre-teen years?

Question

I noticed on a few answers more senior members saying things like once their kids hit their teensthe aliens arrived or their favourite memories of their kids is up til the age of 10 - 12 etc so I just wondered if this stage is pretty much across the board?

Whilst I know kids change at puberty etc I did not realise that the change was indelible or to the extent where parents as one lady said may not even like their kids much.

What are your own experiences?

Answer 1

I guess parents tend to remember those years as being really special - they certainly were for me. My kids were never any great problem at any age, and I wouldn't say that I ever felt negative about them, but those early years were the golden ones ! Now they are adults, and we get along great....I've been very blessed with my kids. And now I have a little grand-daughter - what a bonus !  

Answer 2

I prefer my children just as they are. From birth until now.

Answer 3

O M G no.. little is the best

Answer 4

My son was wonderful until he was a teenager.  Even 12 and 13 wasn't that bad..he was moody but not rotten.  When he was a teen, I don't know what happened.  He became a different person.  He's still like that and he's 25 and a meth addict.

My mother once said about my sister just before she died that "I have to love (no name to protect the daughter) because she's my daughter.  But I sure as h**l don't have to like her!"  

Unfortunately, that's the way I feel for my son.  I don't like the person who he has chosen to become.  I love the little boy who he WAS and I love and pray for him.  I believe that sweet little boy is in there somewhere.

The bible says to teach your children and they will come back to it.  I believe that.  All I can do at this point is pray and have faith.

Answer 5

I loved the pre-teen stage with my daughter, her friends and other family girls and boys. I still do. I seem to understand that age group much better. They are experiencing information overload. Give a little knowledge  mixed with humor, as it helps them to digest these sour years. Sour because you are too old, yet still too young.

They worry about when they can first date, first shave, and first use of makeup. They need  acceptance among  their peers, understand the development with their bodies, help in communicating with their parents, and how to win a date with the latest teen idol. (Oh come on, you know you wanted to win the contest to meet David Cassidy)

I always indulged the kids in real conversation and made them laugh about what they were going through. I also would embarrass them every now and then. For example when the girls would forget and leave their "Victoria Secrets" around, I'd use a pencil and say "Hey what is this?" and they would say "It's a bra momi don't you know"? I'd then pull out my lingerie and say "Honey this is a bra, that's a colorful band-aid".

They would laugh and say mom you are sick.  They still talk about a lot of moments even today.

Answer 6

Yes, I liked them up until about 10-12. And now again in their mid-30s. (lol)

Answer 7

I loved when my kids were bathed and in bed, and I knew where they were. To be quite honest my kids never gave me any bother.

Answer 8

I'm 61 with two ages 13 and 14 I'll let you know if I don't have a nervous breakdown or end up in jail.

not really times have changed but the kids are still the same, just got to try and stay on top of them.

Answer 9

Have heard that no one can like a 13-year-old except another 13-year-old and their mother and the mother is a little shaky. The years between 12 and 16 can be very volatile. Seems like 16 makes things much more bearable, probably because of being able to drive. Many times those teen years coincide with the mother's menopause adventures and that can keep a household lively!  We all made it through and it is fun to sit back and watch my daughter deal with teen children now. She is a good mom and does a better job than I did.  

Answer 10

My daughter is now 25...but here's how I'd break it down

from age 0 to 14. wonderful. such a sweet, kind, respectful and giving girl. A real joy.

from age 14 to about 21. I still loved her, but I have to admit there were definitely times when she challenged me, and  I just wanted to shake her and scream "who are you and what did you do with my daughter? you know, the sweet, kind and respectful one and not the surly rude one dressed like a tramp who resembles her and sleeps in her room?"  I'd fluctuate between, "she's the devil incarnate" to "where did I go wrong as a mother?" but yet, when the chips were down she knew where she could turn and not get judged...mama.

When she got pregnant at age 22 and ever since that time.  wonderful. such a sweet, kind, respectful yet assertive and giving woman...and a wonderful parent herself! I must have done something right lol

Answer 11

Yes, puberty for my son brought on many bi polar characteristics. The years before that were a challenge but after puberty, it was h**l, going through umpteen medications for him. The p*****n days were probably the happiest times of our family life then. I think more what he has gone through than what we parents went through. My then husband always said, 'Just remember no matter how difficult you find this, he is the one that has to live his life this way, and doesn't understand why.' Even through the rough times, we made it through, and are still alive and kicking. He still needs adjustments in meds but we now have help. He is now 29. The younger years were precious, but he is and always will be precious to me. He can't help what his disorder does to him.  

Answer 12

once my eldest 2 hit their teens, everything changed about them, especially their " i know it all attitude".

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i can understand why that lady said that to be honest, when mine are been a complete pain in the @rse, i don"t like them much either...lol

Answer 13

I have six children ranging from 37 to 3. I am better with teens, than toddlers. My daughters were a handful, I think because of the hormones, but the boys were easy to raise. I forgot I am still raising two boys. LOL

Answer 14

My daughters are thirteen months apart.  One was a normal kid, not too much of a problem, the other was horrendous.  It was a daily trial to get through the day without killing her.  She would do everything in her power to push my buttons and make me mad.  She's 37 now and is finally about grown up.  They both will sit and tell me things now that they did in their teen years that I knew nothing about and I tell them if I didn't know it then, I don't need to know it now!

Did I like them better at the pre teen years?  Nope.  They started this behavior at about 11!  

Answer 15

im not a parent but id imagine kids are easier to work with when they are older because they understand things better

Answer 16

I'm sorry to say I feel that way too.  My son was adorable when he was under 10 years of age.  He didn't mind going to dinner with me or spending time with the family.  When he became a teenager his friends were his world - and he didn't always pick the best friends.  He became arrogant and self-centered.  He did and said very hurtful things - things I'll never forget. Things that still hurt when I think about them.  It was almost impossible to reason with him and he had more attitude than he will ever need.  He ran away a couple of times when he didn't get his way.  When he was about 17 he stole my brand new car and totaled it.  He didn't even have a learner's permit.  I've heard people say they don't like their kids and you really don't have to like them.  You just have to love them - if that makes sense.

Answer 17

I've been working mainly with 3rd/4th graders since about 1989 and I love the kids that age. Their brains are like sponges and they're not afraid (for the most part) to ask questions (at least to me...my reputation precedes me when the next group 'comes up, because I encourage them to ask questions when they don't understand or dbout something I've taught them).  When they hit 5th/6th grade, then they  start the KNOW IT ALL stage.    

Answer 18

Because we had a lot of children, there were always some who were teenagers at the same time as younger ones were little.   Somehow, they all learned responsibility and one by one went off to third level and their adult lives.  Only the youngest has proved to be a handful, and he made bad choices and had iffy friends, but he is getting there and growing up at his own pace.  In just a few more years, I expect he'll  become a pillar of the community.  

Answer 19

No, I most enjoyed them when they grew up and moved away.

Answer 20

They were easier to control with the "carrot and stick " method. It was nice when they went away to school but that brings a different set of problems and definitely costs.

I'd prefer them to be gainfully employed, married and happy with grand kids for me, and not to want to come home when things get bad.

Then again, I just now woke up and realized this doesn't happen that often.

Answer 21

My kids were fine when little, they were sweet and lovable. After they hit puberty they changed. They were in their own world and that of their friends. My daughter was worse than her brother. I found later it is possible to love your children but not like them. This may sound awful but it isn't. I love them still, but life changes and so do we.