Parents: How do I stop my kid from WHINING?!?

Question

I have an 8 year old daughter, and this is an example of what I have to deal with:

I'm on the comp making preparations for a business meeting.

Ashley: Can I play Spongebob?

Me: Sorry, sweets--I'm really busy. Give me an couple hours.

Ashley: (10 mins later) Now can I play?

Me: I AM BUSY! You have lots of other toys, come back in two hours!

Ashley: Come on pleeeeeeeease? Daaaad, come onnnnn! I wanna playyyyy!!! (repeat that for 15 mins while throwing herself on the couch, kicking her feet, and banging her fists)

Me: (Give in and let her on, then go to watch tv)

Ashley: Dad, get me over this jump! (5 mins later) Dad, I can't beat this level! Dad, I need help! Daaaaaad! Come onnnnn! Daaaaad! Nyaaahhhh!! (kicking feet and fake crying)

(later) Ashley: I'm hungry.

Me: Mom is grocery shopping, she'll be back.

Ashley: I wanna eat now! Come onnnnn! Daaaad!

(I fix a quick meal)

Ashley: I want pizza!

Me: Not today.

Ashley: I want pizzaaaaaaa! Come onnnn! Daaaad!

You get the idea. I need help before I end up strangling her. How do YOU deal with a kid who whines constantly?

Answer 1

You have GOT to be consistent. If you give in, she is going to know how to work you. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. Next time give her an option EXAMPLE; " You can either be patient and wait until I am able to play sponge-bob or we will not play sponge-bob at all. She will try and try again but when she does this DO NOT give into her. MEAN WHAT YOU SAY!! Eventually she will respect you and what you say is what will go....consistency!!!

Answer 2

The reason she keeps whining is because you give in to her every time.  If you are on the computer and she wants to use it, you tell her that she can get on when you are finished, and give her an approximate time.  

Then when she starts "throwing herself on the couch, kicking her feet and banging her fists", you tell her that her little spazz attack has cost her getting on the computer at all that day.  

As for helping her play a game, I've simply told my daughter (who is also 8) that if she can't play the game by herself, she needs to find something else to do on the computer or get off of it altogether.  If she continues to whine, it's the same as above, she loses the privilege to be on the computer anymore for that day.

As for the hungry part, you have a couple of choices.  Tell her to go get a snack to hold her over or tell her she has to wait until mom gets back.  If she begins whining, tell her that she has now cost herself 10 minutes (or however long you want).  Once dinner is done and everyone starts eating, she has to wait 10 minutes before she can start eating.

STOP giving in to her and she will stop whining for two reasons - she knows it won't get her anywhere, and she knows there will be consequences.

Answer 3

You are either going to have to ignore her or spank her bottom and send her to her room for a little while.  But, you also have to be resistant on what ever you choose to do.

Answer 4

here is your problem.

Me: (GIVE IN AND LET HER on, then go to watch tv)

Answer 5

well that's easy!!

stop giving in to her and she will stop the whining

you keep giving her what she wants when she whines so she knows it works so she keeps doing it and will keep doing it because she knows she will get her own way.

hang in there as it is bound to get worst before it gets better, stand your ground and mean it when you say no.

Answer 6

Schedule time that you devote to her.  Then tell her that you need to work and give her something to do while you are working.  She's interrupting to get your attention.   She needs and deserves  your attention.  However, she has to know that you need to work and deserve not to be interrupted.   Do not accept bad behavior and tantrums.  Be firm, be consistent.  

At one point my daughter began whining.  I used a very annoyingly whinny voice and said  to her "I'm Lisa Whiner, part of the Whiner  Family".  Once she heard what she sounded like, she stopped.  

Answer 7

If she whines, say no. Try not to bring any emotion into your voice, like a "no but i'm thinking about giving you what you want..." Be consistent, and she will get the message. She can't always interfere with your work, or else you will never get it done! Also don't yell back, keep your voice calm and steady. And if she starts kicking and screaming, discipline her, send her to time out, take away toys, etc. Good luck!!

Answer 8

Tell her your answer (No, I am using the computer right now) straight out. Explain why in simple terms (I am doing something important for work), and tell her the alternatives (for example, she can wait 2 hours and come back if she wants). Then as the whining continues, be firm and DO NOT GIVE IN. I believe this is the most important part. If you give in, all it does is teach her that her whining has worked. And if it has worked, of course she will do it again in the future to get what she wants - she isn't dumb!

Let her whine and throw all the fits she wants. Ignore the kicking feet, fake crying, etc. If you respond to this, you are only feeding into it. After all, who performs without an audience?

Reward her for good behavior, even if just with a "thank you for waiting", a hug, or a "good job!".

Answer 9

Can I play spongebob?  No.  Not maybe later.  No means no.  Do not threaten with punishment.  She asks 15 minutes later, she is now grounded from playstation or whatever for 2 days.  Kid gets frustrated with game.  Kid has to work through it.  If you want to play it, play it, but if you are busy, then say no.  Kicking and fake crying are a fit.  It's time out to your room until your behavior is acceptable.  She is capable of good behavior, and you should expect it.  I'm hungry.  Anytime it isn't dinner time, give them a fruit, an apple, an orange, a banana.  If they don't want it, fine, then tell them to wait until dinner.  She isn't going to starve.  By not eating the quick thing you fixed and demanding pizza, she is pulling your chain. Don't give any excuses, or say wait til later, you are in charge, she's learned how to wear you down, stop giving in and be tough.  She'll act better in the long run and you don't want her pushing your buttons like this when she's a teenager, you must let her know you mean business.  Teach her to respect you by being respectable, and this means not taking her c**p.  Remember not to negotiate with terrorists.  And all this is attention getting behavior, so maybe give her some daddy/daughter time, on your terms.   I was just thinking yesterday that there should be a law or something against whining, it is such a vile  thing that can drive you insane.

Answer 10

The most effective way to end it with my kids is to ignore their requests until they realize that I'm not going to listen if they whine. It is pretty hard to tune out - but make Ashley ask in a polite, grown up way if she can play her games or if she can have a snack.

Especially because she is 8, she's at an age where she'll be asking for more freedoms. You need to let her know that if you're going to let her do more, she has to act like and 8 year old and not a 4 year old - otherwise you'll treat her like a 4 year old.  

Answer 11

You are spoiling her. You should always do as she wants. If you say no and if she starts whining, let her whine and ignore her. Then she'll get sick of it and go do something else. If you do this everytime she whines she will soon stop doing it because she will know that her whining wouldn't work. So this is how the scene would go:

Ashley: Can I play Spongebob?

Me: Sorry, sweets--I'm really busy. Give me an couple hours.

Ashley: (10 mins later) Now can I play?

Me: I AM BUSY! You have lots of other toys, come back in two hours!

Ashley: Come on pleeeeeeeease? Daaaad, come onnnnn! I wanna playyyyy!!! (repeat that for 15 mins while throwing herself on the couch, kicking her feet, and banging her fists)

Me: Totally ignore her.

Ashley: (5-10 mins later) Still whining.

Me: Still ignoreing

Ashley: Suddenly stops and goes to do something else, sick of all the whining.

Pizza Part: Tell her if she waits you will give her a reward of something. But if she starts whining she will have to go 10 mins(any time you want) early to bed.

Answer 12

Me: (Give in and let her on, then go to watch tv).  

Me: Mom is grocery shopping, she'll be back.

Ashley: I wanna eat now! Come onnnnn! Daaaad!

(I fix a quick meal)

That is your problem right there in print.  You can't give in.  No has to mean no, or she will continue whining until you give in.  

Tell her no, and mean it.  If she doesn't stop, tell her if she doesn't stop whining at you she is going to have to go in her room where you can't hear her, and send her if she continues..

Answer 13

I whine back. My kids absolutely hate it :)

Answer 14

You decided to have children hahaha

Answer 15

NEVER give in.

You have rewarded her for whining. She whines b/c whining works. You have created this problem.

From now on, she can ask once. A second attempt results in immediate grounding from whatever she was asking for. She wants the computer? Now she's grounded from it for the rest of the week. Pizza? No pizza for the rest of the month.

A few consistent punishments will result in changed behavior.  

Answer 16

Stick an MP3 player in your ears and pretend she's not there.

Seriously though, I have this problem too and the best thing you can do is ignore them (if telling her off doesn't work).

P.S if you tell her off, make sure the message gets through, a 'no and that’s FINAL' don't try and negotiate about it.

Oh and also (just an idea) you can say something like 'every time you whine, you'll have to wait an extra hour for that pizza' or something like that.