Parents: How do you deal with back talk?

Question

I'm curious because it seems so many kids get smart and tell their parents, "Whatever" and "No".

Do you allow it or do you have a certain way to handle it?

Answer 1

I find that the best way to deal with it is to not get angry no matter how off the wall their comments are.  approach the child in a calm way and let them know that that type of behavior is not acceptable and that they should speak to you the way they want to be spoken to or you will not talk to them. give them that information and keep silent until they do talk to you in a way that is respectful. doing this a few a times will get the point across and children always listen eventually with logic instead of physical or yelling types of punishments. the goal here is to teach your child so they can make sound choices later in life. not to have them listen out of fear. good luck

Answer 2

its difficult especially if they are 2 3 or 4

their way of tryin to be independant.

Best way to deal with it is to tell them that its wrong and to also if they do it again ignore them and carry on they'll soon learn it wont get them anywhere

Answer 3

As a mother of three (6, 9 &13) you have to correct the problem before it reachs a point of no control. I allow my children to be expressive within reason. There is a fine line between expressive & disrespectful... I've learned this with the 13yr. old & an occassional swat never hurts anything but their pride.

Answer 4

I saw a girl the other day backtalking her mother and her mother only ignored her and let it go on. I felt like slapping that girl myself! I would say that if it's really bad, a slap to correct it works. It worked for me and I never talked back again! If it's an older kid like a teenager though, it may be too late for this kind of correction and grouding would work I guess. But generally, it's too late at that age anyway.

Answer 5

backtalk=backhand

Answer 6

I'm with EK on this one.  I have a 9 year old who loves backtalking.  Oh man!  It is VERY frustrating!  She will be really good for a few weeks, and then all of a sudden, she's back to her old tricks!   Just to add to the fun, my 6 year old step daughter has just started giving it a try too...

I just tell her "You have 2 choices.  Do what you are told now and then do what you wanted to do, OR Don't do what you are told and miss out altogether".

If she tries to talk over the top of me I hold my hand up, maintain direct eye contact and interject with "I am not one of the children in your school yard.  I am your mother, and you will do what you are told".  That works! hehehe.

Some days she is extremely stubborn and keeps going and going, at this point she is frogmarched to her room and told she can come back down when she's ready to do what she's told without arguing.

Answer 7

I never tolerated it from my boys - talking back to me meant a smacked bottom or leg and then a requirement that they apologised and spoke to me in a respectful manner.

Answer 8

Well i understand what you mean I did that when i was young and what my mom did to me was said sticktly please don't do that and if i did it 5 times of 4 times in a day with her having to tell me not to do it every time i would be sent to my room

Answer 9

Absolutely not.  My son has tried a few times and I tell him straight up...  "I am your mother and you will respect me.  Do not treat me like one of your friends and talk that way to me."  It ususally shuts his little mouth right away, but when it doesn't, I take stuff away from him until he learns to respect me and other people.  I explain to him that no one cares to be treated like that and it's a good way to make people dislike you.

Answer 10

Depends on what age they are.

Answer 11

Um if my kids tell me no, then they get yelled at and made to do it anyway. I do not allow them to get away with talking to me anyway they want. Usually though it only takes a "look" and they apologize and do what is asked.

Answer 12

Punish them

They do this especially as preteens.  they want more respect and freedom, but the only way to earn respect is to show it.  Take away freedom when they behave like that.  Explain why.  In time, their attitude will improve.

Answer 13

As with any situation with children.

bad behavior = swift sure punishment EVERYTIME - NO EXCEPTIONS

good behavior = swift sure reward EVERYTIME - NO EXCEPTIONS

I have found this to work great.

Answer 14

I have told my kids "whatever" and "no" are not answers you give me, or your dad, grandparents etc. They can offer their opinion as to why or why not but those type of answers I simply do not tolerate, if they continue they are sent to their room or punished, period. "I am the mom and you will not speak to me like that" is what I say and generally once I have said that line they back off. But this is something I have made clear to them since they first started to talk so it is not much of an issue. And trust me they get to speak their feelings, my oldest needs to go into debate, she can calmly debate something with you for hours LOL Sometimes she can get sent to her room for that as well "I have already answered you about this" is another line I state daily. LOL

Edit:  That is great "don't explain yourself" I will have to remember that. My youngest is hot tempered and often gets in trouble for yelling. I have told my oldest just because you are quietly arguing with me, it is arguing none the less and you are going to start getting the same punishments your little sister does. She is always one step ahead, I swear sometimes we go back and forth before I realize I don't need to debate with her, but she does it in such a calm manner it is almost funny, note I said almost LOL

Answer 15

My 5 yr old has just started doing this. He gets a time out along with a privilage taken away. If he continues, he goes to bed early also.