Parents: What would you do if you found out your daughter was having s*x at 17

Question

This is not about me. I am almost 17. I am in a relationship though where both of us have decided not to have s*x until marriage. This question is for my friend Maria.

She has been with her boyfriend for four months (she thinks that's a long time, I disagree!). He is 22 and she is 17. Her parents have met him and they like him. His parents like her as well. She is thinking about having s*x with him but is afraid that her parents will find out. She is worried what they will think and do. The age of conscent in our state (NY) is 17.

Her question for you is, if you found out your 17 year old daughter was having s*x... what would you do?

Answer 1

I Had s*x when I was 16 and had my first child at 17 I really think that if they love each other they should wait. If they can't wait then make sure to be careful, having a baby at that age is hard. If she can avoid it she'd be better off.

Answer 2

I would just want her to be using protection.  I don't think i'd try to talk her out of it or anything at 17.

Answer 3

For starters I would put her on birth control.  I would also make sure she was really ready for this by having a long talk with her.  

Answer 4

I would talk to her.  You are a great friend to encourage her to wait....keep doing that!

Answer 5

I'd let her do what SHE wants to do. She is old enough now and she would know best about would do. Though I would freak out if i found out she wasn't on protection. It wouldn't be safe. Other than that, if she's on protection and I like the guy....everything's fine!

Answer 6

I'd talk to her about the risks and try to talk her out of it. I'd get her on birth control asap and give her condoms. I'd also be glad she made it to 17 before considering having s*x. That's quite an accomplishment in 2008.  

Answer 7

If the age of consent is 17, tell me what in the heck are you going to do! She's a big girl now! The law says she can make her own decisions now. Let it go!      If she's not ready to make those kind of decisions on her own or if she needs advise from somebody else, then they ought to make the age of consent 21! And what if she got pregnant? Who is anybody else to say wheather she could handle it or not! This is a great question for the 13-16 age girls.

Answer 8

She needs to sit down and talk with her mother.  Hopefully they're close enough to talk about situations like this.  My baby is only 6 months old but I know that when she's old enough and wants to sit down and talk I'm ready.  You have to have an open mind with your kids.

Answer 9

Leave her too it. She's old enough and hopefully sensible enough to look after herself. Let her enjoy herself.

Answer 10

Worrying about the response of her parents shouldn't really be a factor here.  You are not put on this Earth to please your parents but rather live up to the expectations you have for yourself.  Hopefully her parents have given her the tools she needs to make the decision that is right for her.

Answer 11

I would make sure she was on birth control and talk to her about the risk of having unprotected s*x and even though she had s*x she still can wait until she get married. It's never to late to stop having s*x.

Answer 12

As a parent I would want her to practice safe s*x and go on the pill.

Answer 13

I would talk to her about the consequences and make sure she was using protection. Actually I'd take her to the GYN myself and get her on birth control.

We all know telling her not to have s*x is wasted breath. At 17 you know every thing or at least think you do.

EDIT.....I looked up the age of consent for NY. Its 15 for males and 17 for females.

I have no idea why the ages are not the same.

Answer 14

honestly at 17 i would be most concerned that she practices safe s*x, i think at 17 in this society it is unrealistic to expect her to abstain. so the talk would focus on safe s*x practices and offers to purchase condoms... although i think the initial safe s*x talk should happen much sooner... maybe with in a year of the time you child starts dating

EDIT: age of consent differs state-to-state

Answer 15

Well, though she is old enough to make this decision, she needs to think about everything first. Yes, she could be in love, but she has her whole life ahead of her. You have to accept the possible consequences of s*x before you actually have s*x. At 22, I doubt this guy is a virgin, what happens if he's carrying an STD? What if she get's HPV? I've only slept with one man my entire life and have HPV, though I've been lucky enough to keep it under control. What if she get's pregnant? Can she handle bringing a child into her life?

I know it seems a bit overboard, but these are things you really have to think about when you're considering a sexual relationship. Many young girls don't consider these things, which is why HPV is so rampant now, as is teen pregnancy. If she can deal with the consequences that might arise, than she should make that decision herself. Whether she uses birth control or not, there is always a chance.

Answer 16

i became sexually active at 17 and well my mother trusted me enough that i wouldn't be running out and having s*x with everybody i see....i was in a relationship, she just said that it made her realize that i'm not her little baby anymore....im 21 and still with the same guy....... if she's mature enough and has a good relationship with her parents then just tell her to have a conversation with them...it's a part of growing up!

edit: once i told my mother that me and my boyfriend were talking about having s*x, she made me a doctors appointment and got me on the pill...and made me purchase condoms...

Answer 17

i am not sure

Answer 18

i wouldnt be suprised since ALOT of kids are having s*x way younger than that. I wouldnt want to hear that shes having s*x...but thats just because im her parent.  

Answer 19

If caught in action, allow her to complete the process and then ask for her reaction!

Answer 20

honestly, having s*x at the age is pretty normal. my advice would be to tell your friend to educate herself about every type of birth control method, and to get to know her body (when she ovulates, etc.). my other advice would be to make sure her boyfriend is in the relationship for the right reasons. there's a big difference in maturity between a 17 and 22 year old (even though girls are generally more mature than guys).  good luck