Parents: Would you do this to your teen?

Question

I am 18 and I finally have my liscense!!

Exciting right?

Getting to use the car to drive to soccer or see friends occasionally, returning the favor and running errands for mom...oh wait...thats someone elses life.

My mom won't even let me drive to soccer. Its 1.88 miles from my house and I am a CAUTIOUS driver.

She wont even put me on her insurance, so instead of paying $83 a month to my mom. I have to go on my own and pay $300!!!!!!!!!

Every single one of my friends is on their parents insurance.

Her reasoning is if I were to have a wreck, it would go against her not me and make her look bad. All my friends parents are taking that risk but my mom is selfish.

I have a semester of HS left.

So during this time, I am going to slave at job, I am going to work a lot and save my money and buy a car for when I go to college in the winter and I am going to keep a steady job and pay for insurance and half the rent for an apt.

But you know what none of it seems worth it, wanna know why?

Because no one is going to help me, no one is going to see all the hard work I am going to do. Usually when people work hard like that and people notice their perseverance, dedication, hard work, their sacrafices and they help that person out. Im not talking random people, im talking family members.

But my question is:

Would you do this to your teen? Leave them high and dry?

Would you offer no assistance in easing them into the world?

Would you make them figure everything out on their own and let them suffer and do without?

Answer 1

Here's an idea, since you are not driving her car, you don't need to be insured on it.  TA-DA!  Tell her to cancel you on the policy.  Then you won't have to be running errands for her.  

My girls are 20 & 24 and I have helped them way too much and I'm sick of it.  My oldest has moved back here for the 3rd time because she can't make it out in the world even living with friends.   My youngest is married and with both of them working, they still need help.  There is a mean world out there.  Since your mom is not helping you out now you might as well get used to it because I doubt she will start to.

My parents didn't help me out at all when I was young, they were saving all their money for when they got old.  

So to answer your question, no, I would not leave my teen or any other teen high and dry.  In fact my girls have had friends that were treated a lot worse than that, they were actually kicked out of the house.  They always came here.  One girl was here for 9 monthes.  Now she tells me if I had not taken her in she would have quit school but instead she graduated from high school and at age 20 is starting college.  

Hang in there, you can do it with a little help and that will probably come from friends.  You mom is probably doing the best she can do.

Answer 2

When my son turned 18, he was put on his own insurance and off of mine.  For the same reasons that your Mom gave you.  He had to work to go to college and I paid for part of it.  He agreed to live at home while in college to save on room and board.  

You do realize that there is a limit to the amount of money that comes into a house.  And that money only goes so far.  I was happy to help him and he was grateful that I made sacrifices so that he could go to school.  My friends children went into the services so that they could afford college and she could only help occassionally.  

Stop with the "poor me attitude" and start looking around for loans, grants, scholarships, jobs, etc to help yourself.  Some of them even have a living allowance.  Not all parents can afford to pick up the tab, some of us have to eat too.

Answer 3

Q.)Would you do this to your teen? Leave them high and dry?

A.) Nope, I don't think I would be a good parent!

Q.)Would you offer no assistance in easing them into the world?

A.)I would do my best to help them until they are ready to go on their own.

Q.)Would you make them figure everything out on their own and let them suffer and do without?

A.)Maybe at times. When they are older they have to try and figure things out on their own. But if they really are having difficulty, I would offer some help.

Good luck!!

xox- Julie

Answer 4

wow, we have the same life. Well, I dont anymore because Im slightly older than you are but I had that life. The thing I had to learn was not to worry about what they think. Do things for yourself because you know that in the end it will all be worth it. Work hard, buy that car, go to college (I skipped this part and wish I hadnt), move into that apartment, and better your life just for you. You will make friends, find a boyfriend, have kids and they will all appreciate your hard work in the end. Trust me it will be worth it just hang in there. You can do it, I did. I found a nice man finishing up his bachelors degree in computer engineering. We have a good life, a good apartment, a decent car, and a beautiful daughter. Finally my life has a purpose and people actually notice and appreciate all the things I do.  

Answer 5

Tell your mom that most insurance companies will give her a good student driver discounts if you make good grades. Also remind her that studies show that college students who work more than fifteen hours a week get lower grades and that to pay your own insurance is so expensive, that your grades might suffer. Let her know that if you get in a wreck, it counts against your license not hers and that even if her rates go up, when they do take you off the insurance, they will go back down.

Answer 6

i would not do that to my kid.  my parents STILL have me on their car insurance until i graduate college.  i will offer my future kids assistance, as long as they are doing what they are supposed to be doing, staying out of trouble, and are generally well behaved, respectful individuals.

Answer 7

No, I wouldn't do that to my kids.  I have two teenagers on my insurance right now -- ouch!  The premium went up almost $370 a month.  However, I have told them that if they have an accident or get a ticket that they could have avoided, then they WILL have to cover the increase that I would incur. As I told them, "you may not be able to stop someone from ramming you in the back bumper, but you CAN control your speed!"  So far, so good . . .

Point out to your mom that if you DO s***w up, then she can drop you from her insurance and it won't affect her premium.  But why not wait until something like that happens, instead of just assuming it?

My logic is that I prefer them to concentrate on academics and their extracurriculars. It paid off for my son, who received a very large academic scholarship. So, in the long run, I'm saving money!

Answer 8

. <<<< You know what that dot is?  The world's smallest violin playing "My heart bleeds for you!"

If you don't want to pay insurance, if you don't want to buy a car, then don't drive!  

Yes, that is the way to teach a teen the value of money!  You work for your money so you can buy your car and pay your insurance and you will not wreck your car or get a speeding ticket because it was YOUR sweat and labor that got you to that place.  The brat that has mommy pay for the insurance and daddy pay for the car, does not have anything invested, and therefore when you go around the corner to fast and total the car, no big deal, cuz mommy pays for the increased insurance rates, and daddy buys a new car.

As for offering them assistance, yes, we offer assistance to my son.  We assist him by giving him a place to do his laundry, we taught him how to earn money, how to save money, the value of hard work.  We taught him that he needs to wait for what he wants until his needs are taken care of.  

Now, you seem to be the spoiled princess who is being thrown to the wolves, and that is not fair.  You should have had to work for that cell phone, save for that computer, learned that wants are never handed to you on a silver platter.  So yes, Ms. Princess, I do believe that your life has been way too soft, and your parents are to blame.  But at least now, they have the right idea by making you pay for your own transportation.

Answer 9

im 14, but that kinda rude that she wont let put u on her insureance....~xoxo ally*

Answer 10

i have to say, im really sorry your mom is making this cool time in life a living h**l. my parents have put all their kids on their insurance....all 6 of us...and have not had any second thoughts about it. and i plan to do the same with my children when they get their drivers liscence. dont get me wrong, we still had to buy our own cars, which we were just fine with, but they did put us on their insurance and then helped us get our own insurance when we moved out of the house. its a shame you have to do it all on your own. you're right, it doesnt seem worth it...but dont worry about anyone else...do it for yourself. your mom doesnt sound like shes going to change her mind...do what you can for yourself  and be proud of yourself and forget your mom...later in life she will need you and you know what you can do? let her handle it on her own...

Answer 11

I know my parents won't buy me a car. I'll have to work for mine, because that's what my older brothers and sisters did.

I however, do believe i would help my kids buy their first car. I would also put them on my insurance, if they proved to be responsible drivers.

So yes, i would. But my parents won't, so your not the only one!

Answer 12

I was never helped with a car and you wont be living at home soon so I guess your mum doesnt see a point putting you on her insurance. You will have to do everything in life yourself one day so your mum is just adjusting you to life.

Saying that, when my son is starting to go out into the world I would want to help him, but still let him do things for himself as well.