Parents: Would you say my mom was too lenient and what would you change?

Question

Here are my rules. I am 18. Now, I still live at home. I have a semester of HS left and I will be living at home for the next 2 years while I get the basics out of the way at community college.

Dating: I can date. My mom really has no rules. She just tells me what she thinks about them.

Cell-phones: I share mins with my mom and brother, I don't use them. I have unlimited texting to verizon and 1500 to other networks. My mom tells me if she sees on the bill that im texting all hours of the night she'll take my phone, she never does and I do.

Internet: She tells me to be off by 12:30 in the summer and 10 during the school year but I don't listen. I have a laptop in my room and she doesnt monitor my activity.

Myspace: She says she has to be my friend on myspace so she can see who I am friends with and whatnot. This one I actually go by because she raises h**l if I don't. I hate it.

Going places: I just have to tell her where I am going.

Movies: I can watch whatever I want.

Curfew: I don't have one. I just tell her when I think i'll be back. Usually before 2am.

Clothes: I can wear whatever I want. Doesn't mean I do. I'd say the way I dress is fine.

Answer 1

Definitely not too lenient.  You're an adult.  You need to make most of your own decisions.  

It sounds as if you have some advisory guidelines which you can accept or reject.  You do live in her home and need to give your mother proper respect.  Otherwise, you are not too old to be spanked.

Answer 2

Well, you're 18 and an adult.  If I were your mother I would have some expectations of you:

1. Rent.  You need to contribute to the household income.  BTW, I would wait on this one until after you finish high school.

2. Chores: You need to keep your room clean, pick up after yourself and do you own laundry.  In addition, do your share of cleaning communal areas.  If there are younger siblings in the home, I would expect some assistance with babysitting as well (compensated, of course!)

3. Safety: I would want to know where you were going and what time to expect you back.  If plans change, I would expect a phone call.  It's not fair to keep your mother up waiting for you, worrying.  Scary world out there!  

4. Responsibility: No underage drinking, no drugs or other illegal activity.  No parties in the home. Pay for your own gas and car insurance.  No smoking, if your parents don't smoke in the home.  No sneaking out.  I also think you should abide by the internet and cellphone rules or start paying for it yourself.  So long as your parents are footing the bill here, you need to follow their rules.

It's tricky, when young adults are living with their parents.  I do think that being over 18, there are some adult freedoms and adult responsibilities that are yours. But at the same time, you are still living under your parent's roof and need to respect them.

Bottom line, whatever compromise works between you and your parents is fine.  As a parent of a teen a few years younger than you, I've been thinking about the post-HS, community college, living at home scenario and these are my thoughts.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

Her house HER rules.You want total fredom?Get a job and place of your own.

Answer 4

Since you are still in high school, I would treat you like any other teen - 11pm bedtime, 12 pm curfew, no talking on the phone or on the computer after 10 pm, computer in the main room of the family area, not in your room, movies - most are ok for an 18 year old.  Tell me where you are going and who you will be with.  Myspace:good choice on your mom's part.  Since you dress ok, that's why she doesn't have a rule on that.

When you are out of HS, you are 18, but I would still have rules for you if you aren't paying rent.  Honestly, when my son turns 18, he will be able to live at home, but he will pay rent and pay for cell phone, etc.  Or he will follow the same rules he followed as a teenager.  If you don't contribute, you should be treated as a child.  I think she doesn't take your phone for texting because she sees that you are doing ok in school, etc.  If you aren't breaking any major rules, getting in trouble, getting drunk, etc.  then maybe she's trying to reward you by being somewhat lenient - if you s***w that up, she will likely change the rules on you.

Answer 5

You are legally an adult.  I don't think that the rules are too lenient however they are much better than when I lived at my parents.  

I think she's trying to get you to show some responsibility.  You have Internet rules, yet you say you don't follow them.  Don't think for one moment she doesn't know you aren't following her rules.  I think she should follow through with removing your phone if you go over the limit, but she knows what she is doing.  

As I said, you are an adult.  Show her that you are responsible enough to be treated like one and I'll bet even the small restrictions disappear.  Make sure you get good grades...not for her, for you.  

One day, you'll thank her.

Answer 6

Sounds like You have a pretty GOOD Mom- to Me ! On the one hand, she recognises that you're 18 & "legal", so you can do pretty much as you "please" within reason... And Yet, as LONG as you're living under HER "Roof"- there are STILL certain "rules" that You are expected to "follow". So what's wrong with THAT ?! YOUR Daughter should be so Lucky- someday!!!   :)

Answer 7

Your not a kid anymore so by law you can do what you want

Answer 8

You are 18 and I would think you haven't caused your Mom much grief so she trusts you. I think under the circumstances those rules seem fine.

Answer 9

Way too lenient! She needs to lay down some rules and if broken lay down some hairbrush on some bare bottom!

Answer 10

18 is the age of consent in Australia, I moved out of home when I was 17.  I don't think she's too lenient - if she trusts you and there's a mutual respect I don't see any problem.  It sounds as though as long as she knows what you're up to (i.e. not sneaking out and smoking crack at 3am) she's got the right attitude.

Answer 11

I think that your mother is being reasonable. You are 18. You are still living under her roof and being expected to still follow some rules is expected, especially since you are still in school. She is letting you live your life with some exceptions. Your pretty lucky!