Parents and Teenagers?

Question

ok so earlier i ws doing something that in my eyes was the complete easier more logical and quicker way to do it and then my mum came along and gave out to me and started saying that thats not how u do it and all, so anyway i said in return that i thought it ws easier quicker and more logical to do it that way but then she turns round and shouts at me to stop talking back. this has been hapening for as long as i can remember.

what i want to know is why do parents, and sometimes teachers, always tell teenagers to grow up and start acting like a grown up but whenever we, well i do anyway, try to act like a grown up we get treated like a kids. If adults want us to act like grown ups why do they have to make it as difficult as they can whenever they can. in the example of what happened with me earlier if i ws an adult she wouldnt have disagreed with me so whats the deal?

Answer 1

That is a good question.  It made me laugh a little bit at myself, because I'm sure I was that way with my kids too.  We parents seem to want our kids to grow up, but only if they do it according to our plan.  It's hard for us to let go and realize that our kids are individuals with their own agendas.  After being in a position of authority over them for their entire life, it's hard for us to redefine our relationship more equally. So there are a lot of arguments involving rules, privileges, and responsibilities.

It took me a while, but I eventually started listening to my teenagers with a more open mind.  I considered exactly the same point you made - what if this wasn't my own kid, but maybe one of their friends, or someone else's child, making the suggestion or wanting to do the thing they were asking to do?  How would I respond?  I realized that they often had creative ideas.  Sometimes their ideas were worth a try.  If it didn't always work, at least we learned something and avoided a fight.  And I found that picking my battles was much easier than arguing over every little thing that I disagreed with.  

So the bottom line - I agree with you, but understand that it's a hard thing for parents to get used to.