Parents and child care providers...what would you do?

Question

I am posting this question on behalf of a friend. My best friend does home day care. One of her families consists of three girls ages 3, 2, and 5 months.

The two older girls are very mischevious. They are constantly pulling out each others hair, climbing on furniture, throwing toys, etc.- all the things that active children do once in a while. It is the mother who is the problem. She sends her girls to day care with RSV, croup, bronchitis, and more. She is constantly picking the children up late. She brings her children to day care in tank tops and shorts in the winter. She makes comments like "you should worship me, I practically pay your mortgage" and so on, even though she is getting a very generous discount. Now the children have started coming to day care saying things like "my mommy says your always frustrated" or "my mommy thinks you're charging us way too much." There are so many more incidences but I won't list them all.

My friend is the most patient woman I've ever met. There is no one that I would trust more with my daughter. She is very frustrated with this parent and feels that there are some things that small children don't need to hear. Should she say something to this mother, or should she try to ignore it?

Sorry for the long question. We appreciate any advice you have!

Answer 1

For one, I wouldn't even let those kids into the door if they were sick. If the mother really is sending the kids into day care with tanks and shorts in the winter - then she honestly needs to be reported. Tell the mother that her charges will have to go up a little bit because of money that she is going to need to 1.) Deal with the kids, and 2.) Pay for damages! Another thing, your friend doesn't need these kids to spread the anger throughout the daycare and have all the negative energy be forced on the rest of the kids! She's going to end up pulling her hair out by the end of the day! If all that doesn't work, simply sit down with the mother, and tell her that she can have one chance to talk to the kids about the situation, but if she doesn't see the slightest improvement then she is going to have to let her go, and explain why.

Good luck to your friend!

Answer 2

You know, unless she is near desperate for the money and/or doesn't have a written contract with the family, I think she should give them a 2 week notice.  

Sounds to me like the mother should be in children's day care.

Answer 3

Wow... I would think its a blessing to find good childcare in a home enviornment.  It sounds to me like your friend is being walked on.  I offered childcare in my home... it was imperative that a contract was drawn up and signed.  Explaining liabilities, rules/ regulations, late fees and parent/caregiver responsibilities.  I would be fearful of doing business with this type of personality without one.  Kindhearted people don't trash talk like that... especially in front of children.  I would make sure she has a contract signed to protect her business from abuse and lawsuit should something happen... regardless if she already has an established business relationship with this woman.  If she doesn't sign... red flag would go off in my mind.  I would also be concerned about neglect in those children's own home enviornent.  Shorts and tank tops are not at all appropriate winter wear... and this IS at some level neglect and abuse.  I understand that your friend probably needs the income... I know I did.  But at what expense to your well being and family safety if this woman should sue for any random reason.  I would recommend "shopping" for another family to care for.  Best Wishes!

Answer 4

Are you kidding me? There is no way she should have to put up with that. Does she make the parents sign a contract or have rules as to whether or not a child should stay home due to sickness? If not, now would be a good time to start one and have all the parents sign it. If the mother does not like it, she can bring her kids somewhere else.

Personally, I would confront her and tell her what the kids have been saying, embarress her!!!

Answer 5

If I was that daycare provider, I would report the mother. sending a child out in shorts and a tank top in the winter is child abuse. then I would tell her I could no longer be her daycare provider.  

Answer 6

You know what, sometimes you just have to be cruel to be kind (to yourself). If your friend can't stand the aggrevation, she can tell the woman 'hey, if you don't want to pay, see if you can get it cheaper anywhere else.' I know it's a scary thing to do, but I'm in business and 9/10 times they don't take away their business. They know they're getting a good deal, but they're putting you on a guilt trip to try and get an even better deal. If you don't fold, they eventually stop.

Next time she insinuates that she pays your friend's mortgage, your friend should tell her, 'not really... but whatever makes you sleep at night,' or something along those lines. Your friend doesn't deserve this treatment, and that woman should be kissing her feet for being so kind to take care of her (sick) kids.

Your friend shouldn't get involved in a big argument though... if it bothers her, she can always tell the woman 'I'd appreciate it if you keep your kids out of our business - they don't need to hear this stuff. If you don't, you can find other daycare for your children. This is the last time I want to hear these kinds of things. I have a waiting list of x amount of kids and I really don't need your business. I'm doing you a favor already by giving you a massive discount.'  Even if it's a lie, this sometimes works wonders. Then tell her to let it go. Next time she brings it up again or one of her kids comes there with a story, she can talk to the mother again and say something like, 'I asked you nicely, please find other daycare for your children by next month,' and watch that woman squirm.

Honestly, I know your friend probably loves those three babies, but if it's getting out of hand like this, maybe it's time to let them go and take in three other kids in their place. I know it's hard, and children can't be replaced like a product, but this is a business and sometimes it's better to let go - it's not worth the ulcer.

Good luck to you both.