Parents are against the wedding?

Question

Every relationship I have ever had my mother has told me that the man is using me, and it will end badly. My mother wants me to stay single. My father met my fiancé and he really liked him and totally supported our wedding. To be honest I didn't want to tell my mother because I knew what she was going to say to me (nothing positive ever comes out of her mouth). Well I decided to face the music and my fiancé and I both went over to their house on Saturday. She seemed like she really liked him everything went great. I was soooo happy. Today my dad calls me and tells me that they liked him, but they still think it will not work out. When I asked them why, they just said it's because he has family in the Ukraine (mother, father, sister and her son) and he is probably hiding something from me. They are giving me really demented and sick ideas. They are ruining my engagement. My fiancé has been nothing but nice to me and my family. My friends love him and I like his family. But most importantly WE LOVE EACH OTHER!! I just really need some advise.

Answer 1

sadly a lot of women (or even men sometimes) do not have the support of their family throughout their relationship and marriage. You need to let them know that you know he is a great guy and that regardless if they support you or not you are going ahead with the wedding, so you would really appreciate their tolerance and support along the way. There's usually nothing you can do to change their minds but perhaps they'll come around a bit after they see that their opinions aren't changing your mind. It's time for them to let you grow up and make your own decisions, it really sounds like they are having a hard time letting you think for yourself. Maybe they need counseling, who knows.

Answer 2

My dear.  As a daddy's girl, I think I would listen to your daddy.  You know there are many people from Russia who use Americans to get their green cards in order to bring their families over to the US.  Then they want nothing more to do with you.  They are very good at acting like they love you, but are really in love with the idea of living the American dream.  I hate to bust your bubble, sweetie, but your daddy and mama have more experience and know what they are talking about.  Perhaps, offer to live with the man without marrying him, and see what he says.  But, go slowly.  You know, daddy knows best.  

Answer 3

think about it rationally and you will know what you need to do, is you're mother a bit an irrational nut?  does she have a reason you should be single?  has she been like this your whole life?  sounds like your mom has something going on in which she can't separate her life and feelings from yours and if you truly have found the right guy for you don't worry, she'll come around and if she doesn't, send her nice holiday cards

Answer 4

Just listen to your heart and I am pretty sure it will come to you.

Answer 5

That is some bull.Thats horrible.Do whats right in your heart.Your parents are very closeminded!

Answer 6

your parents are wary and suspicious because that is what their experience with life has taught them.  you are optimistic because you have not been hurt.  dont know how old you are but your parents care about you very much.  

one solution is for you and this guy to spend more time with your parenst so they can get to know him like you do.  

also, pay close close attention to him and to what he says about important life decisions.  if something does not sound right, be aware of it.  dont just let it go.  

Answer 7

Your parents CANNOT ruin your engagement unless you allow them to. Of course they are suspcious because he is a foreigner and they go by what they hear on the news and so on. They really need to be more open minded and realize that not every non American one runs into is bad and uses people. He sounds like a great guy from what you are saying.

You are an adult, you have control of the wheel, NOT YOUR PARENTS. Granted, they are your parents, but you cannot allow them to dominate your life or make your decisions for you.

I had the same problem. I am married to a man from Brazil, he is a wonderful guy. I had problems with people saying rude things and jumping to conclusions, they didn't even know the guy. I got fed up and eloped. Later on I had a nice wedding reception.

Maybe that's what you two need to do, just bite the bullet and get married. It sounds like your mother was pulling your father's strings.

You are in love, you found someone wonderful, don't let your parents take that away from you. It is YOUR life, if you let what they say "ruin"your engagement or even cause you two to break it off, then they have won and they will keep doing it.

Good luck and have a happy marriage.  

Answer 8

Ask your parents this:   are THEY marrying him?   Do THEY have to spend every waking moment with him?   NO!   they only have to see him on holidays if they want to be that childish about it.  If he makes you happy , truly happy , then why listen to them?  You know what makes him special , you'd know if he was bad, they don't.  Listen to you heart on this one , not your nagging parents!!

Answer 9

It sounds like your mom got to your dad. Is your parents paying for the wedding, do you need their money? And will they still support you in your decision to marry ? You don't need their blessing but of course it would be great to have. You truly love each other, go for it . Your not going to change their minds, And this is your life. They don't have any proof that he is hiding something. I don't understand, their reasoning?

Answer 10

if u truly loved someone u wudnt put anyhting between them, even ur parents

Answer 11

If you two love each other, you have to stay together, that's the bottom line.  I would keep it low-key: tell your family firmly but nicely that you will be marrying him, and you would like their blessing, but you will be marrying him with or without it.  Then keep the wedding plans to a minimum.  Eloping might be a good choice for you- if they're having a hard time accepting this engagement, the last thing you want to do is rub it in their faces with a huge wedding.  They will come around in time- especially once you have children.  They'll put their feelings aside to be grandparents.  

Answer 12

Maybe they're still a little upset about the whole break-up of Russia, and don't trust anyone from those "dissenting" countries. Maybe they have the bad idea that all Ukrainians are criminals and bad people. That is where the huge prisons are, and it does have a bad reputation with *some* people. Maybe they just think he will be COLD to you in your marriage. :)

I don't know - perhaps there is a little bit of prejudice there. But perhaps now that you are actually engaged, your parents have realized that it is REAL. It is not just you and some boyfriend - you are actually grown-up and are getting married. Many parents, unfortunately, act like total gits when this happens.

Don't let them try to ruin your engagement. Be polite and firm with them. When they start talking c**p about him or his family, tell them that you will not tolerate that kind of talk, and change the subject. If they refuse to stop, just leave or hang up the phone. Eventually they will get the idea that you are serious about this. Try to spend some time with them, with your fiancee. As long as they are decent to him. Hopefully they will get to know him and get over their insecurities.

Have you met his family? Or at least talked to them? It would be good to make sure they aren't any crazy mass-murderers, or anything. :)

Congratulations!

Answer 13

Your family wants the best thing for you, they just have a sh*tty way of showing it.

If this is putting you on uneasy ground I say take a moment to breathe and look at the big picture.  Look at what you see in your fiance and look at what they see.  Their will be ups and downs in every relationship, are you and this man the kind of people can over comes the downs?

Hadn't your family met this man before?  They just wait till now to express their shame?

You are the only one who knows what will make you feel happy.  Just make sure you're listening to the right emotions.