Parents of Adopted children I have a question?

Question

How did you handle those first few days with a new addition/additions to your family? I'm talking about older children, I am adopting 2 Older children in about 6 months. I have a 10 year old Niece living with me so I want to make the new experience easy on all of us.

Answer 1

Hi. I would simply do very routine things at first. Let them check out their space and get to know the household rules. I would sit with them and tell the whole family (including niece) what is expected of them, but ALSO what you want to do FOR them. That you know you are not perfect and that you will make mistakes, but that you want to provide the best home for them and you want to be there for them whenever they need you. Tell them that you want to have open communication, that you want them to feel they can come to you with any problem or request. That you will not always agree with them on every issue, but that you will promise to listen and promise to treat them respectfully. It won't be easy on them, regardless of how hard you try and how prepared you are...but it can be less traumatic if they feel they can trust you and if they feel like you have their best interests at heart. I would try to keep everything pretty low key for as long as possible. Bringing more strangers into their lives early on can feel both like an invasion of privacy and confusing. This is the time to get to know them, what makes them them. Don't berate them with questions, but just show interest in their lives. If they don't want to talk about something, they will show you all of the signs. Your job is to make sure--if they DO want to talk--that you have proven yourself to be someone they can trust and someone they can come to.  

Answer 2

My children from adoption were 10 and 5 at the time.  My oldest son was 13.  I don't think I got more than 15 minutes sleep at a time, those first few nights.  The children were fine. It was ME getting up about fifty times a night to check on the children, to be there just in case they woke up and were afraid, etc.  

We took a few short outings those first few days, to the market, to the park, etc.  We were all recovering from jet lag, so none of us had too much energy.  

Best of luck!

Answer 3

My son was a 4lb peanut when he came home. It was all i could do to keep people out of my house. I was glad so many people wanted to greet him, but we needed our space. Don't be afraid to ask people to step back, if the kids need it.

I posted a sign of rules (like no kisses, change sweater after smoking etc.), so that no one would feel singled out.

Answer 4

You may send invitations and give a restricted visiting time.

All members of your new family will need some peace and quiet.

Thank you for giving the children a home.