Parents of Siblings, Please Help! 2 yr old out of control with new baby in the house?

Question

Our 2 year old son seems to be totally out of control now that our new baby has arrived. We have tried everything to show him that he is still loved very much. Unfortunately, our baby girl who is 1 month old, recently spent 2 weeks in the hospital and our son spent those 2 weeks with my parents and my in laws but was permitted to visit us in the hospital with his sister. However, he is very demanding now, he screams, yells, breaks toys, destroys DVDs, tells the baby to shutup when she cries. Slaps at us, kicks us., etc. We have incorpated him into helping with the baby (getting us a diaper, wipes, etc) but it does not seem to help. When the baby is sleeping we try our hardest to give our full attention to him, but then he wants nothing to do with us. Has anyone else had this problem and what helped out the situation?

Answer 1

Gosh, I really feel for you and your little boy. It must be hard for him after he had you to himself and now he has to share you. I had trouble with my son and our new baby and the only thing that really helped was time for him to adjust. He did the exact things you described in your question except he laughed hysterically when the baby cried :P (now, 7 months later she laughs at him). Perhaps get someone to mind the baby while she sleeps and take your little boy out to the park, just you and him. It must have been hard for him to get a new sibling and have mummy away for 2 weeks but don't worry, most of us survive having a sibling and I'm sure he'll adjust. It will be fun for him when the baby is old enough to laugh at him and play.

Answer 2

Keep doing what you are doing by giving him the extra attention you can when the baby is sleeping. Continue to spend time with him and play with him. Continue to incorporate him in helping with the baby. Try not to let his more unacceptable behaviors slip by. They do need to be addressed, he does need the attention that is required to cope with these behaviors. He may very well acting this way "just to get attention" but that doesn't mean that he doesn't deserve attention from you. I would suggest addressing that to him by saying something like, "I know you are acting this way because you want mommy's attention right now. You do not have to act so mad just to get mommy's attention. I will help you just as soon as I can". Encourage him to "use his words" (I know there are few at this age) and try to redirect his behaviors into something he enjoys doing (Look at mommy, I have your favorite book! Let's do that instead of crying, mommy can show you it right now!) At two he is old enough to be told no but he will not respond appropriately to it every time (Do any of us?) so redirecting his behavior into a preferred activity can be more successful sometimes. Your son does not need to be punished, he may need some discipline. These are really two different things. Above all, be consistent. It is normal for children to take several months to adjust completely to a new sibling.

Answer 3

It's hard for a 2 year old, especially in the middle of the terrible 2's anyway.  Sounds like you are doing everything right so the only thing you need is time.  Don't let him know you are getting discouraged with his behavior and don't be shy about turning the TV on for him when you need to get stuff done.  It's only a short period of time and soon DD will very much be a part of his life as much as she is a part of your now.  It's an adjustment and he will settle down.  They will be best friends soon!

Answer 4

The baby going into the hospital and him going to grandmas has thrown his world into utter chaos. His Everyday usual routine has been changed and kids dont know how to handle change......you might want to see what your parents or inlaws were using as discipline.

I would chose a day to leave the baby with someone and spend the entire day with your son. You need to keep trying to show him you love him. Praise him when he does anything good, especially with the baby.

My daughter was 2 when our son was born and she didnt like him. When she would do something good like get me a diaper I would exagerate on what a good big sister she was and how much her little brother loved her and the next time It would be how much I loved her and appreciated her help and needed her.

He needs one on one time with you. Trust me I know its hard when the baby is crying and youre the only one there. Good luck!

Answer 5

Your little boy has been through a lot!  Poor thing.  I'm sure that he can feel the stress that his parents and family faced during the time the baby was in the hospital.  He doesn't understand what is going on and is very confused!  Please don't push the baby on him.  No matter how hard it is you are going to have to spend time alone with your son EVERY day.  It will take time, but he will gradually adjust.....remember he's been through a lot, too!  But when he misbehaves he needs to be punished.