Parents of an autistic child - I am looking for help..?

Question

I have a 4-yr old autistic grandson who I am raising. He showed autistic traits early on but he turns 4 in August. He has come out of his shell and now communicates freely and plays, pretends, laughs, he is very happy. However his speech is limited and not clear, he can say some sentences "I don't want it", "come back" "good Morning, it's cold, and he can name a lots of things such as colors and parts of his body. He has no concept of "how old are you", kind of abstract like stuff he doesn't understand, and you cannot hold a conversation with him. But he seems very smart and he is a very loving little boy, says thank you, please, i love you, stuff like that. The worst thing is his social behavior, impatience, how he reacts when he doesn't get what he wants. I would like to know what is the best way to deal with the behavior part as this is the worst of it, the other stuff we can deal with but the behavior gets him kicked out of all day cares? Advice, please ???

Answer 1

Research your local school district.  Where we are from, the school districts test and take in children with special needs beginning at age 3 and they receive full services for free (including speech therapy, in-home parent training, and other autism resources) and can attend a half-day program at school.

Answer 2

My son who is an adult, is autistic.  He has Asperger's Syndrome but no one recognized it until he had regressed for nearly 6 years.  Because he could talk and express, they called him schizophrenic instead.  What a mess!

Anyway, I had to learn everything all over again in teaching him social behavior.  It involves a lot of repetition and patience on your part.  And there will be days that you will want to pull your hair out.  But they are so worth the struggle.

First, make sure you say exactly what you mean.  Then make sure he understands exactly what you mean.  Develop cue words and phrases for specific situations.  Make sure the consequence and the reward is consistant.  Do not give into tantrums - EVER!  

People with autism relate and associate reward and consequence in a very primitive fashion.  For instance, if you say that you will take him somewhere but then you have to delay it and he doesn't understand the delay so he throws a tantrum but then you go while he is having the tantrum (trying to appease him or even if it is simply time to go) he will relate the "going" to his current behavior which is a tantrum.  Am I making sense?

My son takes things very literally and can get confused easily when people use a jargon different from ours.  This creates a lot of social difficulty for him as well as others who expect him to know what they are saying.  Any type of confusion or disruption of schedule seems to be a threat thus can cause a negative reaction because he cannot always explain what he is "feeling" or why he is upset.

I find that "showing" rather than "telling" works really well.  So I try to lead by example.  This has improved his social skills tremendously.

I also find that waiting to give the reward at just the right moment has more positive impact than any quick consequence.

Also, give him his time to stim and do his thing because no matter how stressful it is to you, it actually calms and centers him.  With my son, I allow him so much time alone playing video games and then I get him engaged in something with me (even if it is just to have him come out of his room for 5 minutes to chit chat about the game).  

It takes a lot of work but more importantly, it takes a lot of love.  I am here for you, if you ever have any questions.

Answer 3

I am a special ed. teacher.  I have some students who are autistic.  Do some research on line, look in your phone book and and local newspaper for a support group.  There are also non-profit agencies that work with autistic children developing their social skills.  Autistic children are not stupid, the kids I have had are very smart.  It is the social and communication skills that is the major obstacle.