Parents of young adults: how much partying do you allow at your house?

Question

Every time my 20 year old stepson sleeps here -- about 4 nights out of 7 -- he either has really loud, hootin' & hollerin' and shrieking parties that wake me up at around 2:00 or 3:00, and/or he has multiple cars roaring on and off the property at 2:00 and 3:00 and 4:00, which also wakes me up. I don't like all these strangers crashing around my property in the middle of the night and I don't like being the party house. To my knowledge, the only people who are driving over to someone's house at 2:30 in the morning are dealers. The guests are all 19 and 20, or thereabouts. They're drinking and they're probably driving off the property drunk. I'm really uncomfortable with the situation but his dad thinks it's fine. In his opinion, it's none of my business, but it's at my house and it's disturbing me and our young kids, so I think it is my business. Would you allow your adult child to do this? How would you get it to stop? P.S. Stepson has time for all this because he dropped out of school and only works a few hours a week as a lifeguard.

Answer 1

I allow None .He is an Adult and this is your house he needs to respect  you and your Husband.

Answer 2

I'm 23 and live at home with my parents. I lived away from home for 3 years on my own when I was in university (also a dropout). Partying in the house is a bit of a touchy subject for us also. My dad doesn't want to be kept up late because he works early, but my mom always wants to know why my friends never come around. If the weather is nice, i try to be courteous and keep everyone outside, but sometimes the neighbors complain. Unfortunately your view of young adults seems to be a bit on the pessimistic side. I go over to my friends houses at 2:30 in the morning and I can promise I am not, nor have I ever been a drug dealer. I know it sounds like a lot of effort, but the first thing you should do is try to make an effort to at least meet the people he's hanging out with, that way they're not all strangers. If you think these kids are drinking and driving, then you should go buy a cheap air mattress with a built in pump and put it in a box with some sheets and blankets. That way if someone has been drinking, they know they always have a bed to crash on. I love entertaining at my house, but it just so happens that when you have a bunch of boys together and they're drinking, it gets loud. I shush them, ask them to be quiet, remind them that people are sleeping, etc. They always try to quiet down, but within 5 minutes, it's loud again. See if you can make some sort of compromise with your step-son. Say something like "I dont mind if your friends are coming over, but please remember that your father and I are sleeping as well as the other kids. If you could just ask your friends to rev their engines elsewhere, it would be much appreciated. And if people are drinking they are always more than welcome to sleep here." I can't tell you that the noise will stop, but you will feel more comfortable knowing who is in your house, and that no one is leaving drunk and getting into their car. As for the noise factor, the only way to really solve that one is to not allow friends over. And that will probably cause more tension around the house than it's really worth. Do the kids just hang out in your step-son's room or are they running all over the place? Maybe try to have a "party room" in the basement (if you have one) that is far away from your room and the other kids. Equip it with some second hand couches and a mini-fridge, and a stereo that doesnt get obnoxiously loud. That way at least you can contain the people and try to keep the noise level down. But like I said, the thing that will ease your mind the most is just to try and meet the people he hangs out with. I don't believe in asking your kids to pay rent in your house. They are not your tenants, they are your children (or step-children in your case). This will only give him more incentive to have crazy parties ("I pay rent and therefore i have every right to do what i want"). He'll respond better if you twist the situation to make it seem like it's better for him. I know this sounds a little sneaky and manipulative, but remember that young adults (myself included) are often self-centered, not necessarily intentionally. So if you can make it seem like he's benefitting from the situation, while you get the peace and quiet you want, this will be your best case scenario.  

Answer 3

I would say set some rules but if your husband sees nothing wrong with it and states that its none of your business . . . I don't think any advice you get will work.  Sorry.  First, must change husbands view on the situation then you will be able to handle the rest

Maybe if one of the parents sues your husband for allowing their underage child to drink at his house and then drive away from his house causing a huge accident he will wake up and see that it's NOT fine

Answer 4

It would depend on wh/nt the person was paying room and board or simply mooching, and how disruptive to the younger kids it is.  Are the kids missing out on sleep they need for school, or can they sleep in a bit because it's summer?  Have they complained about it?

I would expect a 19yr old not in school to be able to pay room and board.  Being the party house is an advantage, in a sense, because you know exactly who your son is with and what they are doing.   The alternative is "who knows what" going on "who knows where" so I can see why your husband would prefer it be there!  But if the noise is bothersome maybe set some ground rules on the noise.

I would prefer to have people crash there for the night than drive away drunk.  Does the 19yr old live in a separate area, or are we talking about the family room?  Maybe he can rent somewhere more private, a makeshift basement or attic area?