Parents on yahoo, how did you deal with the sadness of sending your child off to college?

Question

I'm a first time college parent :( and I'm just looking for some guidance

Answer 1

Well my daughter is only 11 months, but I can tell you that when my brother left for college when he was 18 (and went half way across the country) my parents were pretty sad. But they tried to think of the good things...like what a good education he will be getting, all the great things he'll be able to do with his life, the fact that they only had one more kid to 'get rid of' (me) lol.  

Answer 2

When I left him at the elevator of his dorm, he said, "don't worry, I'll call and send you email."  (Wish I'd got that one in writing.)

But he stood there all alone as the doors closed, and I knew he didn't know one single other person on that campus or in that city, and I felt like I had dropped him off on another planet in some distant corner of the universe.  My husband was with me, but we were pretty quiet on the drive home, neither one of us wanting to admit to our feelings, or we might have to pull off the road and cry. After we got home, I couldn't make myself go into his room for about a week.

I don't know; did I deal with it in the 4 years since?  Sometimes I think so, other times not.  There are compensations.  When he sent me a paper he wrote on "nanotechnology," and I saw the prof's wonderful comments; when he came home for the first time, and I was so excited for his visit; when he told me about all the friends he met and the places they'd gone; when he brought home a young woman that he so obviously loved; when he showed me some of his engineering designs and I marveled at how my little boy's knowledge had so far surpassed my own; when he lets me know in various ways that he is at home and happy where he is, then yes, I think I've dealt with it.

But every time we say goodbye, that hole opens up again, and I have to cry a little and feel that pain that may diminish at times but will never, ever leave.  Then I think I will never "deal with" it.  

Yet, I've become stronger.  As my second has left, and my third is getting ready, I know that I can live with those holes in my heart and they will always be there, but maybe they will be filled a little with something else. Something not the same, but stronger and more enduring.  When I see that they are exactly where they should be, doing exactly what they should be doing, discovering themselves and the persons that they are, and that they are happy, I think I can live this way.  

Even if I have to beg them to call and send email.

Good luck.  It's hard, but you will manage, and you will be so proud of them!

Answer 3

Oh, I do sympathize!  Four years ago I sent off my first, my only daughter, and I cried non-stop for a week before she went and a week after I dropped her there.  BUT: I found that once she settle in, it was great that she called me, emailed me, sent me pictures of her friends and honestly missed all of us (her Dad, me, her two brothers, even the dog).  We sort of forged a new relationship, based on our love for each other and our common interests.  Well, she has graduated, lived a half hour away and we are as close as ever.  Now I am sending off my number two, her younger brother.  I am sad all over again, missing the cute little boy that he used to be.

But: here is my advice; don't look back!  No baby pictures, no old movies of your adorable little tyke.  Keep looking forward.  Plan a great Thanksgiving, full of your child's favorite foods, activities, drinks.  Think about the future, get excited about Christmas and about parent's weekend at the college.

You'll get through it, and you'll be fine.  Its not an ending; its just a new phase!

Good luck!