Parents raising their teen's child?

Question

with many of the recent teen pregnancies happening today, it seems that more and more teens are falling back on their parents to either raise the child partially or completely while the child goes on to live their lives, go to school, party, etc. while we are living in different times now, and teen pregnancy is becoming the norm, it seems that more kids are under the impression that if they get pregnant while in high school that things will be okay because the parents will be available to help out. while i certainly don't advocate abandoning a pregnant teen, i can't help but think that it can sometimes send the wrong impression to the teen and to the teen's childless peers when the grandparents of said children are left holding the bag. i often see talk shows where young women will have multiple children that they are unable to care for while their whole family has to financially and physically pitch in to help care for and raise them. it's not fair to adults when teens get pregnant and the adults have to take money out of savings or take money away from the teen's siblings to care for the child. am i making sense? i just feel that teens get the wrong impression of how hard it is to really care for a baby when mom and dad step up and they handle most of the financial and baby sitting duties. but with that said, is there a way to help take care of the babies while the teen mom and/or dad, are pitching in?

Answer 1

i agree but i also think that if a parent introduces condomes and brthcontrol to there children at an eairly age it would help alot plus telling them things like you wont take care of there child if they have one even if you know you will. and if you have a kid you think wants a baby show them how much it cost find the adv. rent around you and bills and show them hom much it will cost day care everything it might help. when you adverage in min wage to pay for it

Answer 2

I'm the parent of a pregnant teen, due in about 3 months.  Yes, in some ways, what my daughter did was and will be unfair.  I'm sure she didn't consider the anguish or stress this would cause for her parents, or the way it will alter our lives, because at her age, everything is about HER, not about US.  I keep reminding myself that she didn't do this to us, she did it because she wanted a baby.  But still, my husband and I have gone through all the emotional issues we didn't ask for.

Our daughter has not asked for any help, and in fact, she has rejected most of our offers. We are allowing her to do as much as she can on her own, but it's still our job as her parents to look out for her welfare.  Her pregnancy doesn't change that.  So she will live in our house with her baby for at least a year, and we'll do what we can - but we don't intend to raise her baby.  We are asking (expecting!) her boyfriend to take care of his child as much as he can while she goes to school. We will only try to fill in the hours when he's not in school or working.  His parents are also going to take their turn.

But remember that teens have been having babies for centuries. It was customary until the industrial period for the family of the young mother or father to pitch in. The couple lived with one set of their parents.  Many a grandparent or aunt took care of an infant while the mother rested for a whole month. They taught her how to care for her baby.  After that, many mothers left to work in the fields or do whatever they had to do to help support the family.  When the couple were better established, they left to move into their own home.  In the process, the baby gained a whole set of trusted adults and care providers who loved him/her.  

Is the situation of today's teen mom so very different?  

I also can't help but think that this will not be all bad for my husband and me. We will be gaining a grandchild.  We didn't expect one this soon, but like so many things in life, we sometimes have to meet the challenge before we thought we were ready.  A new life in our household -  how can that be all bad?  Don't assume that all grandparents are "left holding the bag."  Some of them grab the bag out of their own free will.  Maybe they will find a wonderful surprise inside!

Answer 3

my parents always told my sister if she got pregnant as a teen, she HAD to give the baby up for adoption, they would not help out at all.  I agree with them.  If my kids have babies as teens, I will not help out, it is not my child or my choice and I don't think I should be stuck with it.  If a teen is old enough to have s*x he/she is old enough to raise a child on their own (IMO).  Basically, its your choice and your problem, so deal with it.

Answer 4

I'm a teen Mom so I can give you a bit of a different perspective.

I do live with my Dad because he asked me to stay there until I finished school (which is 5 more months). I've never expected my parents to look after my son. Once in awhile they will take him so me and my boyfriend can go out to eat or shopping but we never go to parties. Also, my Dad's girlfriend offered to babysit my son while I went back to school. This was only 4 weeks after my son was born. I wasn't planning on going back until the next year but they convinced me to. This year  my neighbor will be babysitting. So yes, they have helped me out quite a bit, but i've never asked, nor have I expected them to babysit my son. Me and my boyfriend are able to financially support our son 100% and we do not receive any kind of aid from the government. We don't borrow money from our parents either.

But I certainly see your point. There are teenagers that have 2 and 3 kids by the time they're 17 and their parents are looking after them while they go out and party all night and hang out with their friends. I don't agree with that at all. I think it's selfish.

I'm 17 and i'm graduating in 5 months. Me and my boyfriend will then be moving out together. We will also be attending college/university within the next two years. I'm very proud to be able to say all that!

Answer 5

Teen pregnancy isn't "the norm" these days any more than it was even in the 50s. There are actually fewer teens giving birth than there were back then.

The difference is that now it's done in the open rather than in special "homes." In the "old days" they would be institutionalized until their babies were born (and given up for adoption or adopted by the teen's parents as if they had no relation) or families with some money would go on a long "vacation" and when they came back "mom" had a baby, and she raised it as her own.

They even lied to the hospital, giving "grandma's" name in place of the teen's so that the birth certificate has grandma listed as the mother. There are thousands of people out there, mostly age 40 or older, who think their grandma is their mom.

Many families did this and occasionally still do, including one girl I went to school with. I know it was Michelle's baby (I was the first person she told she was pregnant and I followed the whole pregnancy with her)  but when I see Michelle's mom with the child she still insists it is her child. She never got with the new way of doing things. She is old-school Catholic and still sees her daughter's pregnancy as a social blight to be hidden at all costs. That baby is turning 18 this year and has no clue Michelle is his mom.

So today instead of grandmas claiming that the child is theirs, now they are openly admitting that the child they are raising/assisting with raising their child's child. They get to put *some* responsibility on their teen, rather than the old days when the teens got off scott-free and got to avoid all parental responsibility, or even acknowledgment of their child. They just went back to their old lives 100%.

Nothing has changed except for the outward appearance, and the fact that many of the teens end up actually raising their child. In the old days they had to go on through the rest of their life pretending that their child is their sibling.