Parents who compare their children to yours?

Question

I'm 40 weeks pregnant, and we have a set of "friends" who compare their children to the rest of our friends children. They've already started in on us with things like ultrasounds/estimated weight at birth/ect.(in fact, they started this when my husband and I were TTC!) I'm not someone who thinks it's all that important that "Sally walked at 13 months, and Johnny walked at 14 months", and I really don't want to feel like I need to compare my daughters every development with theirs. I've tried to kindly state my opinion on the issue, but nothing seems to work & I just know that as soon as she's born it will only get worse. My husband and her husband work together & deploy together, so cutting them out of our lives just isn't an option. I guess I'm just curious how you all handle parents like this?

Answer 1

I know exactly what you mean. This can be annoying as heck and some people are just unable to get a hit that we really don't care about some silly irrelevant measure of a childs behavior or development.  I certainly don't have an issue with a parent who says, "my child took a first step today" or "my child smiled at me or something", that is normal.  But I know yo are talking about those who almost make it a competitive sport and that is aggravating.

My suggestion is to lightly brush it off with "Oh, thats nice" and then changing the subject.  If they persist I might continue with, "we don't really pay attention to those things since they don't make a difference in the long run". And pay as little attention as possible and change the subject frequently. If someone persists I suppose you have no option than to bear it till you can get out of their company.  Hopefully they get the hint after a while.

The important thing is to not let it get to you. All parents want the best for their children and are proud of them in their own little ways. Someone elses implicitly pointing their own childs superiority is nonsense - they probably don't mean to do it but that is how is comes across. If you are secure in the development and health of your own child you can brush off those comments like water off a ducks back.

Answer 2

who cares.......all parents can't help but compare...its natural to want to know if your kids is up to the norm....and some people are just proud of their kids either way!

Answer 3

My sister does the same thing with her daughter. Great example. Me and her and her daughter were at her daughters gymnastics class, and while they were doing their flips and whatnot she kept saying "Look how good she is! She does it better than everybody else in this whole building! These other kids can't match up to her" It made me sick. I wanted to shove a cane up her cornhole. It was annoying, and stupid. Yeah I love my niece, but come on. Quit bragging.

Answer 4

We can't stop people from comparing. Sometimes they just want to share. I try very hard to smile, nod and then change the subject. You don't want to alienate them because as our children get older, sometimes we need advice and actual comparisons to know if our children are progressing normally.

Answer 5

That bugs me too...like there's something better about an 8 lb. baby as opposed to a 7 lb. one, LOL!

I just ignore it or placate it, by saying something like, "That's nice." or "That's really good." And then I simply change the subject. I don't feel the need to compare my kids with anyone. I'm proud of both of my kiddos and I don't need other's approval to know how special they are...sadly, some people do!

Answer 6

I always respond with, "My child will do things in his or her own time.  I'm not worried about it until the doctor says they are".  

That can usually shut them up.  It's unfortunately all too common for parents to compare children.  All children develop differently and at different paces.  Congratulations on the bundle on the way!

Answer 7

I understand how you feel because my in laws did the same exact thing, and I hated it. But, your child isn't a showcase and it's not good to follow the game because they take that in and later on might wanna make everything in life a competition. Just let them know that your child will walk, talk , jump, and run whenever he or she is ready.