Parents will not let me grow up, help?

Question

Hi I'm 18 nearly 19 and my parents will not let me grow up, they wrap me in cotton wool, I just want to make my own mistakes and learn from them, I want to live my own life. I have tryed talking to them but it does not make any difference as a resulst we are not on good terms, We are not speaking. All I want is for them to respect my decisions and give me some freedom, I'm not asking for much. They don't let me go to pubs or bars or even get into a car with another young person my age as they think it would be to dangerous, I don't drink, smoke or do drugs and I am a full time student with ambitions. Still though my parents don't trust me at all. Criminals get more freedom than I do. I'm not big headed but I would be proud to have a son like me. In addition my father thinks I'm weird just because I would rather read the works of Freud rather than going to the pub or fishing and just because I dont have the same interests as him, he thinks I'm stuck up. Someone please help.

Answer 1

tell parents Obama says for them to get off your *ss.

Answer 2

To be treated like an adult you have to act like one.

If your dad cant understand why you read instead of going to the pub (by the way I thought they never liked you doing that?) why dont you ask your dad to come with you for a drink ?

That way you get to socialise with him and he will hopefully see that you are not this young child they think you are.

Let them see you are level headed and dont fly off into a rage, being an adult is letting other people have their point of view and listening to it  whether you agree or not.

You could start by going to see gran, she may be everything you say but she is human and she may just be the key to the rest of your life, she obviously is either your mum or dads mum and can be influential.

Try dropping by to see her and do a few things around the home for her, my guess is your parents will be gobsmacked.

Swallow your feelings and just do it, its all about growing up and thinking of other people without letting them influence you in the way that you think.

Answer 3

Hopefully, at 19, you are living on your own. If not, that would be your first step toward independence. Your parents will treat you like a child as long as they see you as a child. I don't know the specifics of your current living situation, so it's kind of difficult to see a solution to your problem.

Answer 4

Hello...

Just because you have the DNA of your parents doesn't mean you have to like each other, or even get along.  It appears, from your message, you were raised very well with a strong moral compass.  You have goals, ambitions and don't partake in the "excesses" of young youth, good for you!  You might consider moving out on your own.  You"ll be surprised to learn how much leaving the clutches of your parents will, in actuality, bring you closer to them.  

However, you didn't mention if you help out with bills, or living expenses...please remember, you are in "their" home...it's not "yours".  As long as they are providing for you, and you continue to live under their roof, as much as you might not like it, they make the rules, and you must abide by them.  

You say your parents don't "trust" you, that doesn't go without merit...there must be a reason why.  If it's because of something you did in the past, well...that's not right for them to hold onto past "wrong turns", because our Earth University (EU) is a school of mistakes and learnings.  It's great that you have what appears to be excellent self esteem, regardless of what you think they think of you.  Don't loose that!  One of the most important lessons you can learn...you need no one else to complete you other than yourself.  Disregard what your  parents think of you...it's important what you think of yourself, ONLY!  You can spend a lifetime trying to please your parents...why?...do you think all that is going to matter when they leave our Earth?  No, it won't.  What will happen is, you'll be the one left here that didn't fulfill your wants and needs just because you wanted to please them.  They had thier life, now you have yours.  If they try to change who you are...they are selfish, and who wants to be around that.

By the way, you are not weird for wanting to read Freud...that makes you a "seeker".  Maybe your dad could learn something from you!  For what is't worth...I'd rather be friends with you as opposed to your dad!  Good Luck, you'll figure it out...

Namaste'...

Doncy

Answer 5

Move out!

Answer 6

show them something different, another side of you (not that diffrent though). When my parents wouldn't let me grow up, I pretended to be someone I wasn't, someone they would be proud of. They were so happy, that was when I stuck it into there face, that I was different from how tehy wanted me to be and that I didn't want to be who they wanted me to be.

Since that's my idea (I don't know if it'll work for you) I'd suggest asking them to see your way's, let you be your own person, that they can't mold you into who they want to see. Everyone's different.

Answer 7

parents will be parents, just wait untill you go away to school then they wont be able to control you, my parents did the same and i just rebelled full force and it didnt help me much

Answer 8

Since you are almost 19 you are legal to move out of your parents house and have a place of your own.  There is an old saying "he who pays the bills makes the rules"....if you do not care for their rules, then move out.  You will either appreciate what you had when you lived with them, or enjoy your freedom and responsibility of taking care of yourself.

Answer 9

Your parents are trying to protect you. You do need to grow up and I certainly think you willl need to grow up. You seem to be pretty smart. I am sure that you can talk some sense to them.   Keep talking to them about going out and eventually they will let you. If that desn't work, then you will need to brush off the protectiveness of your parents. You can do this by reading more about life, getting some good friends, start to go out  a little at a time. Use your church to get some freedom, and then use it to break the bonds your parents are putting on you. I grew up in tthe same kind of home as you say you are in now. I thank God that my parents tried to protect me because even that was not enough. God bless you and just keep trying.

Answer 10

It's so hard for us parents to let go of our children.  Just remember, you will remain their child no matter how old you are.  They have a hard time letting you go (especially if you are the only child).  They are afraid of your well being and wants you to be successful and all that stuff parents want their children to have.  My daughter is 9 years old and would sometimes go out with her cousin to a friends house or just to walk to the mall and that scares the $hit out of me until she walks in the house.  I don't want her to fail and often times push her too hard to study more, etc.  Talk to your parents, tell them that you are a responsible person and will not let them down BUT also you would like to have more space/freedom.  Good luck!

Answer 11

I would say 90% of parents are just like this. They have a very hard time accpting that what they have taught you up untill now is it, you must learn the rest on your own.

Keep in mind that smart people learn by watching the mistakes of others.  When you say I need to make my own mistakes look around you and don't make all the obvious ones.

At a certain time they will have to accept they can no longer control you. They will likely never stop telling you little obvious annoying things. I am 36 with three combat tours and I get told I need to get more sleep and be careful on the subway.

Answer 12

if you live under their roof, you do what they say, because they will always "know whats best for you".

when you move out, go ahead and paint the town red

Answer 13

You should expose your concern to your parents. Let them know that they are cutting your wings and not letting you learn and go through processes that are most needed for you to grow up properly.

But let them know that, talk to them, show them that you are already a mature person, that you don't have to show them that, simply by exposing this problem to them and trying to get an agreement is mature enough.

Good Luck with that!

Answer 14

I have a19 year old son and I too want to keep him protected and safe all the time it's what parents do, are you an only child that could be part of it, my son had a kidney transplant and I do have a tendency to be over protective of him even though he just turned 19 to me he is still my little boy, but he is a man now, but for some parents it is hard. I am trying to let go and trust that I raised him right and he will do the right thing but it is hard for us as parents to let go if your a good kid like you say and dont drink or do drugs or get into trouble then you should just sit and talk to them and maybe that could help, and if not you are just about 19 old enough to maybe find your own place to live or with a friend but if you need to live at home because of school and can't afford to move out all I can say is to talk to your parents and see if they can give you freedom but in the end you live in there home and they take care of you so as long as they provide for you then you have to follow there rules, that was the way my parents raised me so they may have those same values like my parents did

Good luck

Answer 15

you are contradicting yourself." They don't let me go to pubs or bars " one one hand and In addition "my father thinks I'm weird just because I would rather read the works of Freud rather than going to the pub "

ask to be sent to a boarding school.

Answer 16

Um... what is wrong with MOVING AWAY FROM HOME?... I left home and was out on my own at age 17... at "nearly 19" you are old enough to be out on your own... so go... you will be happier and your parents will thank you.

Answer 17

If you don't drink,Smoke or do drugs-why do you wanna go to pubs and bars with your friends?

The reason your parents keep you from going to pubs and bars is because you don't and your friends do...Which means you are going to have to drive in a car with someone who HAS been drinking.... Start with smaller steps like game arcades,movies,restaurants rather than springing the whole pub/bar story on them.

They will eventually let you go a little more each time-believe me,I've been there!!

The only way is to be very nice to them all the time and build a relationship with them so that you could actually start talking about your feelings without getting into a fight.

STRONGS!

Answer 18

If you need freedom, and you want to learn from your own mistakes,you are showing that you are a disrespectful person to your parents, they were the ones who brought you up,and made their very best to educate you,now you are taken it on them,

cause they are telling you for your own good, Look find for your self a girlfriend and take her home to meet your parents,like that you will gain confidence,and your parents start to give you freedom

Answer 19

Well, more often thaN not.., our parents know what would really the best for us... Although we cannot understand and realize that for now.. But if your parent will not let you grow (very weird since it is certain to happen).. You have to have a serious conversation with them as to how they are gonna benefit on your maturity...

Hello!! We are a free country!

Answer 20

The only thing that I can think of is do you live at home?

Tell them you are moving out and make a serious attempt...

Begin looking for a placce to live.

Even if it is the doorm at the college.

Or you could try just ignoring everything they say. If they tell you you cant go out, make plans to spend the night at someone elses house and go out anyways. And continue doing this until they sit you down the have a "serious" talk and when they ask.. or get mad at you.... for doing this, explain to them that it was the only way that you could show them that you are old enough and responsible enough to do things for yourself.

Answer 21

move out on your own....you'll be home in less than 6 months