Parents with autistic children?

Question

I have autism in my extended family and I find that the parents or atleast on the parents really limits the childs possibilities of growth by making comments like "oh she'll never be able to do this or that because that is just how autistic kids are". This child is functional and she has come a long way, and you have to contribute this yes to the parents catching it early and putting her into therapies, but being on the outside looking in I can see this child able to do anything. It's almost like the parent is afraid to push her to much, I see this child really manipulating situations because she know she can in certain situations. I know how tough it is on parents to see your kids struggle, but is there anything that I can do to help this family member see that she may be limiting her child?

Answer 1

If you want to say something be warned that it may not be recieved warmly. For any parent, even those without limitations, no one wants to hear that they are not doing enough for their children. Also, the child may have outbursts that can be set off by being pushed too hard and you may not be aware that the parents are trying to avoid that. Also sometimes parents don't push kids too much because if some children fail, they lose confidence and that can effect things they already know how to do but have lost confidence in themselves. the parents may have already been through that before and do not want it to happen again. I'm reading a great book called right-brained child in a left -brained world that has helped my daughter a lot with her ADD struggles when she's learning new things. It also talks a lot about autism. Children with these problems can lead normal lives to some extent but have to have the confidence to overcome their shortfalls. If you really believe the parents are just trying to limit the child to what they think she can handle and not what she really can, my best suggestion is to offer to take her a couple nights a month and give the parents a break and work with her a little. Find out for yourself what her limitations are and teach her some things you think her parents are missing. If she really does have the ability to learn so many different things than you'll be helping her parents a lot and they'll appreciate it. If you find her limitations and have to deal with the outcome than you'll appreciate the parents a little better.  read up on it before you start though. Autistic kids can be very sensitive and can withdraw very easily.

Answer 2

Acknowledge that the parent/s are doing a great job and offer support...show that you care and over time demonstate that by raising the challenge level they are also raising the childs abilities and in turn their childs future. Always be aware of not raising the level to high it always needs to be achievable. If you show support rather than speaking words it is much more effective as the parents are only trying to do there best and may feel like they are being attacked if you come straight out.