(Part 2) Transmission feed to my story im working on... please comment on what i should do? ?

Question

(Scrambly transmission feed) This is the Saint resistance squad Number ZERO-ZERO-ONE Delta Codename Spartans over we are currently en route to infected infested jungle in Southern Africa the UNMC is currently posted 20 clicks away from our drop off zone surrounding the Infected hive location with Mark I armor, and M-90 scorcher rifles. (Static) “Affirmative Delta squad this is UNMC Alpha squad we see your bird moving to the drop-off zone we have you Boys covered from the north and will provide immediate EVAC if necessary, stay sharp DELTA, and be aware there have been reports of Some Saint soldier’s being held captive by the infected, a small UNMC platoon left at 0300 to retrieve captive Saints we have lost contact with them….” (Radio static) “Rodger ALPHA, we have reached our stop, LOCK AND LOAD Its payback! ALPHA we will keep you posted on our progress, and thanks for the assistance….” (Radio static) “Don’t thank us until you and your squad make it out in one piece over” (Radio Static) “OH RAH!”……..The cockpit to our custom designed Pelican opened up Slowly as it hovered some 50 feet from the ground I turned to look at my squad checking to make sure they were battle ready….Poison carried a Vintage class berret .50 calibur sniper rifle, along with standard M-90 scorcher rifle Wearing his custom painted Mark-I UNMC assault suit, James with a Flame thrower, M-90 scorcher rifle, and his little toy a compact buzz-saw wearing the Mark-I suit with custom red flame’s. Adam wearing a Mark-I with bone details along the face mask using M-90 scorcher rifle along with his 2 vintage 7-shooter Revolvers. Tammy with Light reconnaissance armor used Two compact M-87 submachine guns, and a Bio-Injector a needle that can revive downed squadmates within seconds. I was equipped with the standard Mark-I battle armor custom painted black with blue flames, M-90 scorcher rifle with a plasma launcher attached to it, I also had a custom Vintage T-Rex shotgun Loaded with Plasma shrapnel shells, along with a Custom Titanium alloy combat knife with a “widdled” back to cut through flesh easier. I saw that everyone was battle ready, so I gave the order for my squad to drop out…..James went first, we stayed sharp looking out of the cockpit for possible infected grunts ready to ambush us, he stood at the end of the launch, looked down turned back to me and said “You know this is bull-**** man why do I have do go first huh? Why don’t you go first you’re the one with the ******* cannon…..” I admired his comment, and said without hesitation “Because Im more important, and if there was infact an ambush down there it would be better if you go cause we wont care if you come back alive…” He laughed, and looked back down “Fine last one down gets to clean our rifles” then he jumped down with the 50 foot drop, This wasn’t suicide our Mark-I suits could absorb the shock from a 250 foot drop, and let alone because of our abilities we could naturally sustain a drop over 500 feet drop, Elite stood up without hesitation, and yelled “I’m not cleaning your d**n gun Yoshi that thing sucks” and jumped down after James Poison stood up, and said “Go on Yosh I got your six”, I turned to him, and said “The **** you do your aim is worse than mine, and I gave him a small push out the pelican I heard him yell you prick as he fell to the jungle floor, Tammy stood and said “Go ahead, I can clean the rifles, I havnt done that in a while anyways figured its my turn….” I turned to her, and gave her a pat on the shoulder and said “I’m going in first Tammy if there’s infected down there I want you to stay up here till I got the landing cleared 100% got it? And no your not cleaning the guns, I will” she said “No forget that if you do that then I wont be able to shoot something” I pushed her down to the seat, turned to the launch, and Jumped yelling “WOOOO HOOO!!!!” the wind went rushing past my visor as I plunged to the lush jungle floor, I saw Poison just standing up from his landing I yelled “Move it ladies!!!” They quickly moved out of the way, and I landed on “take a knee” stance with my fist at the ground….Poison said “That’s a little over dramatic but I give it a 10” He lets out his hand to help me up grabbed his hand and looked up at him “Ya it was a little over dramatic, but at least I didn’t fall out of the pelican” He snapped “Hey **** you bro you pushed me out!” Elite added “Looks like you fell out happy feet”, I said “Alright that’s enough you guys we have a job to do” James looked back at us and said “Hey yoshi where the **** is your Girlfriend at?” I barked at him “James **** you I told her to stay in the pelican in case there was an ambush”, “Well if there was they would have gotten to my *** by now, seeing as there’s not tell her to get her *** down here!” James yelled. I told him ok, and set up a perimeter I opened up a private comm. Channel to Tammy “Tammy you there over?” (Radio silence)…..”Yes I am, and did you really need to push me?”, “Well jus

Answer 1

www.real-wishes.com

Answer 2

wow ill have to say that this story is INCREDIBLE one of the best i've ever read and its not even done...is it? doesnt sound like it at least who knows you might one day become a famous author if that's what you're going to do in the future i think you have just a couple of mistakes though but still the story is great this sounds very, very similar to something like the video game halo you could probably make a short movie out of this anyway make sure you add a lot of action, throw in some comedy if you know what i mean and personally i like the foul language goes well with your story (i just hope you dont somehow get reported i highly doubt that) and keep up with all the good detail it really lets people know whats goin on you got one heck of an imagination just pleaze dont give this story a dumb or cheesy ending that would ruin everything hope you finish this story soon  

Answer 3

get an agent...