Partner Adopting His Step-Daughter?

Question

Just looking for some advice on my Partner adopting my daughter.

Been with current partner 4 years.

Have child together, thats on it way due March.

Daughters father has no contact, his decision i have never stopped him. No one in his side of the family, not even grandparents have contact, they cant be bothered as only live 20mins drive away.

He does not help out financially as myself and current partner both work so we do not need his help.

Daughters father already has own children with current partner, for which my daughter has never meet her sisters, nor mentions or asks about them.

My daughter does have ex partners surname.

When my ex partner and myself had our daughter we were not married but his name is on the birth certificate.

Can my current partner adopt my daughter?

Do i have to tell my ex partner?

Can i change my daughters surname once adopted?

Do i have to tell my ex partner i am changing my daugthers surname?

Sorry for going on.

Can anyone help????

Answer 1

Legally speaking I believe your partner can adopt your daughter, with or without changing her name afterwards. Morally speaking I would make sure your daughter is in agreement with the idea if she is old enough to understand, or wait until she is older. And I wouldn't put the same argument above to her (your 'real' dad doesn't care about you anyway.) You never know, her father or paternal grandparents might have a change of heart one day - don't do anything to exclude that possibility.)

Back to legally - I would consult a family lawyer to find out all the implications that this might have on your daughter's inheritance/benefits entitlement, not to mention those named in your will as her guardian in case of your death. It could be a complex situation not to be undertaken lightly.

Answer 2

Don't ask him take away his rights if he don't want to be father to your daughter. I did to my friend who i call my sister. I took her rights away.I gave her chance after but she wouldn't do right. So if there another party that's will to take care of not just your daughter,but you as well go for it. People like that don't come often. Change her last name to your partner if he is willing. By the looks of things your daughter father or his family is very stupid. Chow

Answer 3

You need a lawyer for this they will know if there are abandonment laws where you are, sometimes if the acknowledged parent has purposefully not had any contact with the child in any way for X amount of time..It is considered abandonment and his/her right can be terminated without their permission. But again that depends on the laws where you are at. If there are no such laws he doe shave to be notified and given the chance to pay back child support and become involved or give up their rights, sometimes the thought of back child support is enough to have them sign on the dotted line. If his rights are terminated, given up whatever and your partner adopts than yes her name will be changed and a new birth cirtificate issued with her new name on it and then you just need to change any existing papers...healthcare, school, passport  ect.. good Luck  

Get a Lawyer!

Answer 4

You do have to tell your ex partner your plans.  He has to forfeit parental rights and okay adoption.  Forget that you and he were not married....doesn't matter.  Forget that he has had no contact with your daughter.....doesn't matter.  Forget that he does not pay child support....doesn't matter.  If he objects, you are going to have a long, hard fight on your hands for your present partner to adopt her.  And don't forget, you and your present partner are not married, either.  Ever thought about why would the court let a non-related male, unmarried to the child's mother adopt said child?  Well, think about it.  You will need an attorney, of course.  If all goes well, and the adoption goes through, you will take care of changing the child's last name through the court....just a lot of paperwork and filing.  That is one thing you should not have to worry about telling your ex partner....even he should know that, with adoption, the last name is changed.  Of course, after adoption, all responsibilities concerning the child become yours and your partner's, and child support, should you two break up, becomes his responsibility.  You can't go back after your ex partner for anything because your daughter is now the child of your present partner.

Edit:  The fact that you added that you live in England makes a huge difference.  Living in the USA, I have no idea what the laws governing adoption are in England.

Answer 5

I have had this problem but in my case the "father" was in touch with my daughter.  I changed her surname by deed poll but did get her father's blessing.  He did insist that her name be double barrelled to include his surname.  For documents such as passport her full name is stated but at school for example she is just simply known as my and her step father's surname.  I would have loved my husband to adpot her but my solictor said that we would need her "father's" permission.  We knew that this would nigh on be impossible so didn't pursue it.  My daughter is 13 now and knows which father has bought her up and taught her to get on life - her stepfather.  Children can't be fooled!  Good luck.

Answer 6

get a good lawyer and find out.

Answer 7

i think the biological father should be notified but i think its great

Answer 8

i am going though it at the moment my husband of 4 years is adopting my daughter of the age of 6. first u have to write to social services and then a worker will come and talk to u and explain it all. then your partner will have a interview with the worker answering loads of question going back to child hood then Ur turn then they have to talk to ur child about it to see how they feel.  yes they will have to ask the fathers consent even if hes not in there lives they have to by law. then it goes to court witch cost £140  if all this goes on then ur daughter can take ur partners name. in my case father not on birth certificate so she took partners name it just not on her passport yet hope this helps

Answer 9

Not sure about England but in the US here is how the process goes. First you meet with a lawyer if you want your current partner to adopt your daughter. You can either have the father sign over parental rights to your daughter or put the information in the paper for 3 weeks. If the father doesn't come forward or if he signs the papers, your lawyer will send the information to court for a judge to look over all paper work. If the father objects you have to go back to court and have a hearing. I know it is a long process but 3k and 1 1/2 yrs of this process my step daughter is legally my little girl. Good luck

Answer 10

G'day. I adopted my wife's 3 kids 3 years into the marriage... their natural farther sent the papers! Now the are grown up and we have a very close relationship. Make sure your little girl understands what is going on. Don't vilify the natural father, even if he is an ********, as she will question it and be told lies when shes older that she will wnt to believe. Alwas be truthful an up front. It works.

Best of luck.

Answer 11

if shes other 5 it should b fine if she under 5 then no because its all changed scince then thats if u r in england

Answer 12

I would go to a family solicitor to get some sound legal advice on where you stand.  

good luck

Answer 13

Yes, you can, they will probably try and contact the 'father' but I do know the law has changed recently, as my sister was going through this situation.

Answer 14

It used to be that the Father had to be notified, and his consent obtained, (My father refused) but a quick call to Citizens Advice or the Solicitor handling the Adoption should clarify whether this is still the case. If you weren't married and he has no contact or financial commitment then I doubt he'd have grounds to refuse and I think you can change her surname by deed poll without his permission.

As you will need to see a Solicitor to arrange for the adoption then I'm sure they will give you all the relevant facts.

If it makes you feel easier in your mind I'd just like to say, My Father was always legally my Father, but my Dad and the one I loved was my Step-Dad! We couldn't have his name till we were 16 and old enough to change it ourselves but we all married and got rid of Fathers name anyway! My 2 sisters felt the same as I did.

Answer 15

I think child's father has to be notified.  If he won't agree, you could always just legally change child's last name.

Answer 16

not sure on all the laws in England, but here in the states, I am not sure of all the states though, you and partner must be married for him to adopt your child. And yes, you do need ex's permission unless you prove no contact. Once your partner adopts then yoyu can change the birth certificate to whatever you want.

Answer 17

the child father has to sign his parental rights away. this way your partner can legally adopt her. but it will be a long process cause you have to go through the legal system in order for this to be done.

since he doesn't have anything to do with his daughter he is most likely to do that. just make it sound like you are doing him a favor by having your partner as the legal parent that way he will not have to be responsible for her at all.

yes you can change her name legally once she is adopted, just make sure you want it known before the adoption process is completed.

Answer 18

You will have to have your ex partner's parental rights terminated before you can do the adoption, so yes, you have to tell him.

Also consider  that the new partner becomes liable for child support if the relationship dissolves, just as a biological parent would.

You can use the new surname anytime you want without going through legal adoption.

But yes, you can also get her name changed.  

Trying to get child support sometimes helps a parent such as your ex decide that it's better to give up parental rights.

But not always.

But I would suggest that if they balk at the removal of parental rights, definitely get child support going.

Answer 19

don't let someone adopt your flesh and blood. Things happen. If you divorce him he gets just as many rights as you do. And if you were to die she should be with blood. (grandparents, aunts, uncles, ect.)

Answer 20

Look into something called a "second parent adoption." These have been pretty common lately and allow a stepparent to adopt a child without the biological parent having to give up their rights (or responsibilities).

Answer 21

He cannot adopt your daughter without her fathers permission.

I had this problem years ago, would not ask the x because I knew he wouldnt agree anyway, so when my son was of age he legally changed his name, so now we are all of the same name, but it took a few years to get there.

Good luck

Answer 22

Your current partner should be able to adopt your daughter. My step-father adopted me when I was 16. You DO have to tell your ex, since his name is on the birth certificate he will have to sign something that gives your partner permission to adopt. You can change your daughters surname and once she is adopted your current partners name will be the name that shows on the birth certificate (you will get a  new one) You dont have to tell your ex  about the name change. This may vary a little depending on where you live I lived in KY when I was adopted but it should be pretty close. Good luck!!

Answer 23

I was in exactly the same situation with my 4 year old.

I wasn't married to her father and she never saw him at all.

The social worker said that out of politeness I could let my ex partner know but he had no parental rights with my daughter.

I did it so that there would be no comeback years later, that he couldn't accuse me of doing the adoption behind his back.

I would say that the only drawback there, but I was lucky, would be if seeing the request for adoption suddenly jolts him into some kind of responsibility for his daughter.

You do not need him to sign anything, as you are your daughters main carer, you assume full parental responsibility and even though his name is on the birth certificate (as his was on my daughters), they have no rights.

I agree that it is a backward way of doing things and you may wish to do this without him knowing, but I fully believe that if nothing is hidden, then no-one can fall out with you about it.

He does not have to be there at the court, you dont have to see him, someone will write him a letter only, and he is not allowed to contest it. It is just a letter to let him know what is going on.

If you have agreed parental rights with your ex partner then that is a different kettle of fish. He will have rights.

I was lucky and my ex never saw her from her being about 1 yr old. Therefore I could explain to the court that he was no longer in her life.

I have found a website which is gov based so this should explain the ways to do this.

Hope this helps x

Oh, I forgot to say, they also class you as an adoptive parent, this is a bit wierd at first but you have to do the adoption together. You never use that again during the child's life as you ARE the childs mother but for the court process you are the adopter...its v strange!!!

Answer 24

Hi,i am not certain however due to the natural father being on the birth certificate it may cause problems.I would go to citizens advice they will give you brilliant advice.Good Luck

Answer 25

Father has to have parental rights terminated, so he must be notified so he can sign away rights. Once your child is adopted, she will take her adopted fathers name. See a lawyer.