Partner wont have children!

Question

im 20 and my partner is 40 and in love very much, he has two kids from a previous marridge. i no in time we will get married which is great.but he said he will have no more children EVER.

but i realy want children and he knows this he comfots me from time to time but thinks its better when im upset to leave me alone, which is not what i wont i want his support. There is no way i will leave him (no way) but im always so upset its making a rift between us and i dont no what to do?

ive thought about counciling but i dont no anything about it. i feel so much pain like a part of me has died knowing i will never have a family.

so my questioin today is not should i leave him, it is is there any way i can stop feeling like this, i can get over this??

Answer 1

First of all, that is a HUGE age difference... so that makes it more difficult. Only because of his age, he is older now and very set in his ways! I don't think it would be healthy for you to stay in the relationship. If you want kids to help complete your life and he wont give them to you... you should leave! Having kids is so wonderful, you will love love it so very much!!! You need to find someone who wants to have a family with you, and who will support you through all you emotions! Good luck!

Answer 2

My partner was against us having another baby.  The way I felt about it was all consuming.  I really wanted a baby and this was a HUGE problem because he said he would never have another one.  I really thought about it long and hard and in the end because I knew that I really wanted more children I came to the conclusion that I would have to leave him, that might sound selfish but he wasn't willing to compromise for me and I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life resenting him and being miserable.  I explained all of this to him and he then decided he would like a baby. We now have 2 children.

Your feelings of wanting a baby are not going to go away.  If anything they will get stronger, its an instinct and it can get very powerful.  You need to sit your partner down and explain this to him no matter how hard it is.  Explain that he has children and must understand that you want to have that with him but if he isn't willing to even entertain the idea I would say that you might need to sacrifice your relationship if you ever want to have a child of your own. Its a sad situation.

Answer 3

There is no compromise in this situation; if you persuade him to have kids will he spend the whole time resenting you because it's not what he wanted and if you go along with what he wants chances are you'll grow to hate him in 30 years time because you'll have missed your chance to have kids.  Find someone who wants the same things you do.

Answer 4

He's probably not going to change his mind.  You are young enough to move on and find a partner that is more on the same page.  You will never stop wanting to have a baby.  Are you really attached to this man?  If not move on, you are still very young.  

Answer 5

Well, find some one who do'es want kids then..

Answer 6

too old for you, selfish he has had his family you are very young to be feeling this way already but he wont change his mind ever. You will never forgive him when you are older.

Answer 7

On of my friends was in this situation. He doesn't want children,(my friend) and his girlfriend did.

She kept thinking she would get over it or that he would change his mind.  In the end after about 10 years she started to crack and ended up stopping her pill without telling him.  Luckily he figured it out after 4 months and they weren't pregnant.  

I think what I'm trying to say is that I'm not sure if you will ever change your mind or that you will ever feel better about it.

Answer 8

If you both want different things you maybe need to re-consider your relationship because being unhappy for the rest of your life will not be fun

Answer 9

That is a difficult situation. You say you will never leave him but you really need to decide now, you can either try and care and love his kids as your own, If you feel that strongly about wanting kids it is not going to just go away, why be sad all the time.

Answer 10

you're young move on find someone who wants the same things you do

Answer 11

Up to you. If you want them and he'll never change his mind, you'll have to leave him.

Answer 12

What, exactly, is it that you love about him?  Is it the way that he doesn't respect you as an individual with your own goals, dreams & desires in life?  Is it the way that he doesn't really seem to care whether you feel happy & fulfilled?  

Yes, you could learn to live the way he wants you to live.  You might never be happy in that, though.  But, why would you do that?  This is your life to live, not anyone else's - you should do with it what you feel is right for you.  

Answer 13

You can't just change someone's mind over night on a matter like that. If you want them, you'll have to leave him.